Give asking nothing in return.
So its a Monday night, and Im at home waiting for a tropical storm to come and blow everything away.
I dont want to be in miami right now, one of the great things of being so social is having friends in so0o many places. If i wanted to I could leave to Tampa (mario) Gainsville (tone) Orlando (tine) Talli (chris) NYC (pixie)
But I cant because I have RESPONSIBILITIES and i know what your thinking "fuck it" but when u live on ur own and getting fired for not showing up would really fuck with your income, you have to stay in your skin and wait for ur next paid vaction.
but i feel like screaming, dont get me wrong, i have a great life right now- i couldnt ask for better friends.
but....... y do i wanna jump in my car and drive away?
"live for the one you love, give asking nothing in return."
-frank sinatra
frank, it sounds good in theory but im not sure in practice. Ill admit that it works to an extent,BUT you have to be very patient and when u really dont get anything in reuturn u have to be ok with that, and IM NOT.
i have such love to give, i want a chance to share it. but if that means that i have to deal with the posibility of getting nothing in return then i cant do it. ill jus box up the love like i have been doing these last few months, and deal with wanting to jump put of my skin.
i lied-i opened the box this summer-twice.
but one of them doesnt count, cuz he has always had the key to my heart, but dont get me wrong im not in love with him (i'd be stupid to be in love with a guy like this) but i love him, i really do and always will. but i can honestly say ive never been IN love with him.
Love might be blind and all that jazz, but if u open ur eyes long enough u can see right through it, to its true core, and this guy with all his abilities to ALWAYS make me smile, i knew not to let myself get hurt- so he has this special section in my heart and i always kno that when he's around nothing can hurt too much. and hes proven that to me for 6 years straight now.
i want someone to need me. that would be a change
theres something in the air, and it needs to move on. because if it doesnt soon im going to have to jump out of my skin.....
jesus christ wats going on! everyone im talkin to right now if feeling the same way as me.
Oh! the second time i opened the box was for this guy (we'll call him Josh like Luis would say), something about his smile, makes me smile. i can clearly see it in my head too. when we were in the car driving back laughing he looked at me n i looked at him- there was jus something... cant really put my finger on it. so there a crack in the box. and its still cracked open (when he's around) he's an ass, but he doesnt treat me like an ass- he actually really treats me with care.
i dont kno how to explain it, its not love-at all- its more like the love in the box is napping and it wakes up when he's around jus to stare at him from that little crack in the box.
alex is still the only love in the box though. im not crying over it or nething-cuz the love is asleep in the box, so its calm.Alex doesnt need me right now. im actually very happy right now. I have so many wonderful people around me. they really make me very happy. like Kurt and Steven- if it wasnt for them, i wouldnt be this happy. they really have become some of my best friends. then tati- she really knows jus how i feel sometimes, and i her- i kno that i am her best friend (no doubt about it) and i can call her mine too. she and i have this bond that will really last for a along time.
So Frank I love, i love all the people i mentioned and a few more people. and they return the feelings. equally some days and some more than others, but all in all im loved and I love very much. so im not in love but u know....
the love i feel now seems to really take up all of my time.
soo thats it
for now.....
carmen murphy*
I dont want to be in miami right now, one of the great things of being so social is having friends in so0o many places. If i wanted to I could leave to Tampa (mario) Gainsville (tone) Orlando (tine) Talli (chris) NYC (pixie)
But I cant because I have RESPONSIBILITIES and i know what your thinking "fuck it" but when u live on ur own and getting fired for not showing up would really fuck with your income, you have to stay in your skin and wait for ur next paid vaction.
but i feel like screaming, dont get me wrong, i have a great life right now- i couldnt ask for better friends.
but....... y do i wanna jump in my car and drive away?
"live for the one you love, give asking nothing in return."
-frank sinatra
frank, it sounds good in theory but im not sure in practice. Ill admit that it works to an extent,BUT you have to be very patient and when u really dont get anything in reuturn u have to be ok with that, and IM NOT.
i have such love to give, i want a chance to share it. but if that means that i have to deal with the posibility of getting nothing in return then i cant do it. ill jus box up the love like i have been doing these last few months, and deal with wanting to jump put of my skin.
i lied-i opened the box this summer-twice.
but one of them doesnt count, cuz he has always had the key to my heart, but dont get me wrong im not in love with him (i'd be stupid to be in love with a guy like this) but i love him, i really do and always will. but i can honestly say ive never been IN love with him.
Love might be blind and all that jazz, but if u open ur eyes long enough u can see right through it, to its true core, and this guy with all his abilities to ALWAYS make me smile, i knew not to let myself get hurt- so he has this special section in my heart and i always kno that when he's around nothing can hurt too much. and hes proven that to me for 6 years straight now.
i want someone to need me. that would be a change
theres something in the air, and it needs to move on. because if it doesnt soon im going to have to jump out of my skin.....
jesus christ wats going on! everyone im talkin to right now if feeling the same way as me.
Oh! the second time i opened the box was for this guy (we'll call him Josh like Luis would say), something about his smile, makes me smile. i can clearly see it in my head too. when we were in the car driving back laughing he looked at me n i looked at him- there was jus something... cant really put my finger on it. so there a crack in the box. and its still cracked open (when he's around) he's an ass, but he doesnt treat me like an ass- he actually really treats me with care.
i dont kno how to explain it, its not love-at all- its more like the love in the box is napping and it wakes up when he's around jus to stare at him from that little crack in the box.
alex is still the only love in the box though. im not crying over it or nething-cuz the love is asleep in the box, so its calm.Alex doesnt need me right now. im actually very happy right now. I have so many wonderful people around me. they really make me very happy. like Kurt and Steven- if it wasnt for them, i wouldnt be this happy. they really have become some of my best friends. then tati- she really knows jus how i feel sometimes, and i her- i kno that i am her best friend (no doubt about it) and i can call her mine too. she and i have this bond that will really last for a along time.
So Frank I love, i love all the people i mentioned and a few more people. and they return the feelings. equally some days and some more than others, but all in all im loved and I love very much. so im not in love but u know....
the love i feel now seems to really take up all of my time.
soo thats it
for now.....
carmen murphy*