Am I losing it?
Right before I woke up this morning, I had a really strange dream. In it, Jimmy and I were walking around Atlantic City. Well, it wasn't really Atlantic City, but a Dreamscape version of it.
We were walking around, looking for a restaurant to have dinner. Jimmy was wearing the clothes I met him in: a blue-and-green plaid shirt over a light blue t-shirt and denim shorts. I don't remember what I was wearing. I pointed out many three- and four-star restaurants, all of which he rejected. We walked back toward the my Dreamscape version of Tropicana.
Right next to the Dreamscape version of Tropicana was an amusement pier that consisted of various rides separated on islands dispersed all over deep water. Not ocean, more like a bottomless lake. His right arm was around my waist, the way he used to hold me. We watched the rides for a few minutes, then without warning, Jimmy made his move to jump into the deep water. Since I was standing next to him, I was also dragged down.
A lifeguard's whistle blew, cops--I think they were cops--were screaming at us to get out. I did my best to tread my way to one of the islands. But Jimmy kept dragging me down, back underneath the water, and I was getting scared that I would drown.
And then I woke up.
Perhaps this means that the weight of Jimmy on my mind after all this time is holding me back in ways of sorts? Goddess, I hope not, but that's the interpretation that stayed with me. For all my fury at him, and I have no desire to get back with him or even speak to him ever again, my heart is still very much broken and it's going to take a long long time to trust another man on any kind of level.
We were walking around, looking for a restaurant to have dinner. Jimmy was wearing the clothes I met him in: a blue-and-green plaid shirt over a light blue t-shirt and denim shorts. I don't remember what I was wearing. I pointed out many three- and four-star restaurants, all of which he rejected. We walked back toward the my Dreamscape version of Tropicana.
Right next to the Dreamscape version of Tropicana was an amusement pier that consisted of various rides separated on islands dispersed all over deep water. Not ocean, more like a bottomless lake. His right arm was around my waist, the way he used to hold me. We watched the rides for a few minutes, then without warning, Jimmy made his move to jump into the deep water. Since I was standing next to him, I was also dragged down.
A lifeguard's whistle blew, cops--I think they were cops--were screaming at us to get out. I did my best to tread my way to one of the islands. But Jimmy kept dragging me down, back underneath the water, and I was getting scared that I would drown.
And then I woke up.
Perhaps this means that the weight of Jimmy on my mind after all this time is holding me back in ways of sorts? Goddess, I hope not, but that's the interpretation that stayed with me. For all my fury at him, and I have no desire to get back with him or even speak to him ever again, my heart is still very much broken and it's going to take a long long time to trust another man on any kind of level.