i can't sleep....so DEALBREAKERS!
Let's List Unforgiveable Qualities/ Dealbreakers!
ADD YOUR OWN!
Ladies or gentlemen who have read (or haven't read but pretend they have read) Ayn Rand and refer to her "philosophy" in any tone that isn't ironic or disdainful are to be avoided. They are bad people who have already decided they will eat you if there's some kind of accident and food becomes scarce. You were first on their list, actually. Run.
Members of either gender, though this seems especially applicable to men, who insist on imitating Eric Cartman or Dave Chappelle need to stop. While Eric Cartman and Dave Chappelle are undeniably hilarious, you are not. And they're also rich. Yes, even the cartoon.
Dudes who have guylights and/or noticeable amounts of grooming crap (fyi- "product" is only okay for gay guys to say) in their hair- especially if it's guylighted- are sending out a subtle warning. I've learned to sense this. I won't wait until they cap their teeth and get a spray tan to get the hell out of there.
Ironic facial hair-ironic anywhere hair, actually... and pretty much any facial hair, ironic or not- is the folicular version of a neon sign that says "LOOK AT ME GOD DAMMIT." If you need that much attention, you're probably an actor, and I don't want to look at you for any amount of time that lasts longer than that commercial you did for Mazda three years ago. It was so awesome when your mom taped it and showed it to all her friends. They totally think you've got what it takes.
You know what? Fuck hair altogether. Unless you're James Carville or Sinead O Connor, you're too much of a risk.
Referring to Jerry Falwell affectionately as "the reverend" is not only the worst attempt at flirting ever, it is also a great way of making sure I will tell every single person with a vagina that I know (including that kid who keeps one in his trunk next to that roadside safety kit his mom and dad gave him for hannukah) to avoid taking their underpants off if they're within a five-mile radius of your location.
ADD YOUR OWN!
Ladies or gentlemen who have read (or haven't read but pretend they have read) Ayn Rand and refer to her "philosophy" in any tone that isn't ironic or disdainful are to be avoided. They are bad people who have already decided they will eat you if there's some kind of accident and food becomes scarce. You were first on their list, actually. Run.
Members of either gender, though this seems especially applicable to men, who insist on imitating Eric Cartman or Dave Chappelle need to stop. While Eric Cartman and Dave Chappelle are undeniably hilarious, you are not. And they're also rich. Yes, even the cartoon.
Dudes who have guylights and/or noticeable amounts of grooming crap (fyi- "product" is only okay for gay guys to say) in their hair- especially if it's guylighted- are sending out a subtle warning. I've learned to sense this. I won't wait until they cap their teeth and get a spray tan to get the hell out of there.
Ironic facial hair-ironic anywhere hair, actually... and pretty much any facial hair, ironic or not- is the folicular version of a neon sign that says "LOOK AT ME GOD DAMMIT." If you need that much attention, you're probably an actor, and I don't want to look at you for any amount of time that lasts longer than that commercial you did for Mazda three years ago. It was so awesome when your mom taped it and showed it to all her friends. They totally think you've got what it takes.
You know what? Fuck hair altogether. Unless you're James Carville or Sinead O Connor, you're too much of a risk.
Referring to Jerry Falwell affectionately as "the reverend" is not only the worst attempt at flirting ever, it is also a great way of making sure I will tell every single person with a vagina that I know (including that kid who keeps one in his trunk next to that roadside safety kit his mom and dad gave him for hannukah) to avoid taking their underpants off if they're within a five-mile radius of your location.