The Year In Review
Ugh. 2020. I remember when I did my year in review for 2019, I foresaw 2020 as being a year of change, but I had no idea the kind of change I was about to experience. I'm sure it was a horrible year for almost everyone. For me the pandemic wasn't the only reason. Sorry, but I have to say this now because I just found out yesterday my uncle Doug has Covid. I've talked about him in the past. He's dealing with diabetes, which has destroyed his body and he's on dialysis at a rehab center right now, which is the worst place to be. I'm positive that's why he got it. And it's just really heartbreaking because in his condition, I don't know if he's going to survive this. In the past month, this plague has finally caught up to my family. Also have some extended family members who have it, but as far as I know, they're fine. Luckily my immediate family hasn't had it or maybe they had and didn't know it, but nonetheless I'm constantly terrified that they will get it before the vaccine is available to them. I'm not even too worried for myself. Just others. I'm not going to feel all right until everyone is vaccinated. Hopefully Grammy will be able to get hers soon. I'm trying not to think about my uncle, but it's hard. He didn't deserve what happened to him.
We kind of joke that Grammy was the catalyst that kicked off a shitty year when she broke her hip on December 27th, 2019. So those first couple of months of the year were dedicated to helping her out, encouraging her, and visiting her in the hospital, then nursing home, and finally assisted living until she was able to go back home. She has since recovered really well. She might not think so, and it's true she's even slower now, when she was already slow, but she's been back to living independently for a while now. We're so grateful that she got in and out before the pandemic took hold because that would have been a complete disaster.
And yes, so in March is when the lockdowns truly began. When I first heard about the virus in China, I didn't think too much of it figuring it would get under control there and that would be it. Then it hit Europe and then I heard about Northern Italy locking down entirely, which I thought was shocking at the time, but I still thought maybe that wouldn't happen here, but we all know how that turned out. I actually thought California should have locked down sooner than they did. We definitely decided to stay home before the lockdowns went into place. Still there was one time I went out to the grocery store with my dad on March 15th. It was a harrowing experience both because my dad was trying to rush like he always did, but my fears of the virus had taken hold and I was really paranoid. This was before masks became a thing. It was also really upsetting to see all the limited supplies of food. I think that's when it started hitting home. And to think when I first saw toilet paper being bought up, I found it kind of amusing. We never ran out of toilet paper btw luckily. My main concerns were about crazy hoarders, but as the virus spread more and more, anxiety kicked in for other reasons. I didn't go back to the grocery store again until the end of September. Not necessarily out of fear, but rather I thought that it was insensible for two people to go. Twice the chance of bringing home the virus. Obviously I gave in and now shop with my mom again once a week. And going back didn't make me anxious. In fact the opposite, it was kind of uplifting to be doing stuff again. And to get a Starbucks drink. Because I missed that. I'd like to think grocery shopping is relatively safe anyway. That's what I tell myself. I know nothing is 100% safe, but if not for masks being required, I doubt I would go grocery shopping in person. And so far so good. That's about the only thing we ever do, apart from my mom playing tennis, which is also low risk.
What to talk about next hmm, I guess I'll look back on what else happened in 2020, but I'm sure I'll circle round back to the pandemic again. Believe it or not there were one or two good things that did happen in 2020. I did get to go to Disneyland a few times before everything turned to cow dung. And most importantly I got to go on the new Rise of the Resistance ride, which was amazing. Of course getting to that point was hell in the freezing cold, having had insomnia the night before and waiting a really long time, and enduring breakdowns.
Then I got terribly sick a couple days later. I still go back and forth whether it was Covid or not. Yes, early in the pandemic. Supposedly not widespread, but we already know it was probably in the U.S. well before that. And a lot of tourists from Asia visit Disneyland... It was the roughest illness I ever had. With high 103 fever at the start. Believe me I was shocked when I saw that number and for a brief moment wondered if I would need to go to the hospital. But it came down, but recurred for three days. All I could do in the first week was lay around the couch and watch TV. I hadn't been knocked flat like that since I was a kid. The most I've gotten as an adult is bad colds, which are really miserable, but they don't take me out like that. I don't seem to get the flu either. Lots of coughing, some congestion, and then came the rib pain, which I had never had ever before and it became excruciating to the point of sleeplessness, and part of that was because of out of control anxiety and depression, so I think the illness was messing with my brain. I didn't sleep for three days. I felt better after I paid an urgent care visit, and then was stuck with brain fog I wasn't sure was going to go away. It's that feeling like you're not all there. I probably could have slept all day if I gave into it. Finally recovered. It took most of the month. So does this sound like it could have been Covid? I don't know. I certainly don't want to go through it again, the rib pain for sure. That took a while to heal. It could also have been the flu because I didn't get a flu shot. Yet, I don't think the flu normally lasts that long. I'm never going to know. All I know is it was hell to go through. And if it was Covid. Cool. I shouldn't have to worry. Maybe I have antibodies, but it may be too late for an antibody test now. And they weren't available when I was going through it. No one else got sick from me either... That was my crummy February. See even before the world turned to shit.
Another good thing that did come of the pandemic is that I really came to appreciate my own backyard. I enjoy just sitting out there, usually after lunch and watching the birds and butterflies (in spring and summer), and taking in the sun's rays. I'm glad to live in a place where I can be outside most of the time. It's something I plan on continuing even after the pandemic ends. It's a good change and relaxing. Before all this happened, I hardly ever went into the backyard, so it's one thing I can thank the pandemic for: an even greater appreciation of nature.
Because I've been doing less, it also led to blogging less except for about games and the occasional general or family update. No Disneyland trip reports to be had for most of the year. Other things I missed was going to the movie theater. Before I used to go almost every week to catch the latest. I really hope the theaters survive because I think that will sadden me the most, if they don't make it. It's one of my passions. Movies are. And watching at home doesn't compare to the theater experience. But I'm hopeful they'll come back in some capacity and I hope to be able to see a movie in one again this year, but I'm sure that's still a ways off. And of course I missed going to the bookstore and buying more books than I can read :P or at the very least just browsing. Again ordering books online is just not the same either. Going to the bookstore is definitely one thing I'll take advantage of once I'm vaccinated. I have faith that Barnes & Noble will survive this. I mean it has to. It's the only physical bookstore left I can visit near me sadly. Restaurants as well. I look forward to eating in restaurants again. And finally, I would look forward to going on vacation again even if that might not be until 2022.
Fast forward to June. My dad was laid off this month. His official last day was on October 30th. He was planning on retiring anyway, but it was still hard on him. And yet, he only lasted a month before deciding to take a part-time consulting job, which actually pays good money and he can work from home. He'd been working from home since the lockdown started and never went back to work in person. I'm happy for him. It gives him something to do because otherwise he was playing video games all day lol.
It was also around this time I began experiencing on a daily basis neck, shoulder and back pain that would just never go away. Part of it probably has to do with not going out as much. I mean, hey I don't mind staying at home as an introvert, I don't do the socialization thing, so that part of the pandemic doesn't bother me so much. But I still enjoy getting out and doing things, but like with Disneyland, the movies, and restaurants, I can't do these things anymore, so I'm at home more and I think it has taken a toll on my physical health. I also think my new desk setup has contributed to that as well as just not finding the right chair. But as of last month, I think I can say I'm managing the pain much better now. I take Glucosamine for the shoulder, which really helps. For my neck I finally decided to make a simple of change of reading on my bed instead of at my desk. It gets me up more and I think that has helped the most moving back and forth between the desk and bed. Works for my wacky ADD-ish routine too. I also have an app that I have set to tell me to get up for a minute every hour. And in recent months I've used that to jog in place to get some sort of exercise. My body has come to depend on this. Now the neck pain only mostly kicks in when I go to sit on the furniture in the living room, but we're planning on replacing them because they lack support and I just can't handle it anymore. Signs I'm starting to get old? Maybe. I'm happier at least in this sense that I've just now gotten a better handle on the pain. It was really affecting my overall mood. Probably should still see an orthopedist to get things checked out, but knowing me, I probably won't. I also have the cervical traction device which I got for Christmas, which probably helps too, if not very comfortable to lay my head on.
Politics. Derek. I'd rather not get into either. I'll just say it's been a shitshow for both. But Biden will be the new president on January 20th, no matter how much the GOP cries about it and tries to stop it. Can that party just die out already?
September was my first visit to a public building since March since I had to get my semi-annual blood test. And was forced to do a Zoom call with my doctor against my will. :/ My results were fine. I'm probably going to have to do it again in March. Then after that I found out I got a jury duty summons in the middle of a pandemic. Of course that would happen to me. I didn't have to report in thankfully for the first time in never, but that was one very stressful week. It was going to happen in November if I had to show up, right in the middle of a spike of cases. Glad I dodged that bullet, so that was another good thing I guess.
October seemed to be the month of things breaking. My glasses broke. The right arm snapped right off. I was pretty upset. Then my mom tried to fix them and made things worse, so I relied on my back up pair, which I luckily still had. I'm still wearing them. They were loose though so I found out about tying hair ties around the ends, which works well. Getting new glasses is one of my priorities once I'm vaccinated. I'm way overdue to get my eyes checked anyway. And had a tooth break and a loose filling. Got those fixed. I'm still having a problem though. Since I don't want to go back to the dentist once again, I'm waiting and then will get a cleaning and maybe mention it then or see if they detect anything. *shrugs* Our washing machine broke too, but we were able to fix it easily. But things breaking just added to crap that is 2020. I also got my first ever flu shot in this month. I wasn't taking any chances this time. And we all got new smartphones, which was another good thing. So good things still happened.
Here are some other ways in which we passed the time during lockdown. Not being able to go to movie theaters meant watching a lot of movies at home both from our library at home, and streaming a few on demand films that would have been in theaters if they were open. We got to the idea to go through our movie collection alphabetically and watch a movie from each letter. We didn't do every letter, but it was fun. And more recently we watched the Harry Potter movies again. We also played board games a lot and bought some from my childhood like Mall Madness (We still had that game, but the battery corroded so we replaced the game), the Disneyland game, Jumanji, Life and Mouse Trap. So, we've had fun together doing these things.
Other stuff: Streaming services. I won't go too into detail, but 2020 was the year of Disney+. It's been great. I've enjoyed a lot of their original content and have enjoyed watching the old live-action films of the 50s and 60s. I'm taking a break from them at the moment, but I'll get back to that fairly soon. Other TV highlights were The Legend of Korra. I'll probably start season two of that soonish as well. Going through that more slowly because it gets switched between things. And there was season two of The Mandalorian, which was excellent and watched with my mom this time. My third highlight was The Queen's Gambit. I had seen a lot of hype for this and then on the Autism Women & Nonbinary Network on Facebook they mentioned how Beth Harmon seemed autistic, which finally encouraged me to check it out. I was iffy before because I'm not into chess, but this show made chess pretty exciting. As for Beth being autistic, I guess I could see that, but I can't say as I related to her. She was much better adjusted than I am. :P Of course I watched plenty of other stuff, but those were the standouts.
There is more regarding Luke the geriatric dog and him pooping in the house saga, but I'm tired and don't want to write anymore.
2020 was a really awful year and it still doesn't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, especially now. California is so bad right now and there's so much uncertainty. I had anxiety spikes in March, July/August, and recently in November to the point where I had to stop looking at certain websites because it was becoming triggering. My anxiety has always been centered around my parents getting sick and possibly dying, though I wouldn't say they are particularly high risk. I've always had anxiety about them dying tbh, but I never expected a pandemic as a possibility. Mentally never prepared for that. Out of every possible thing I could think that could take them out, a pandemic wasn't something that ever crossed my mind, which just goes to show how little control I have. But there is reason to believe there's hope for the future. Normalcy will come again. When is the question. But things will start to get better. We just have to get through this winter. We have to survive because I can't lose anyone. It would break me. Sorry this got so depressing. Anyway, that's my review of the year. As you can see, a few good things happened in the midst of the pain and darkness. Mostly small things, but I've learned to appreciate the small things more. Here's to a less worry filled 2021.
Next I will write up the first of my lists. "My Favorite Books of 2020."
We kind of joke that Grammy was the catalyst that kicked off a shitty year when she broke her hip on December 27th, 2019. So those first couple of months of the year were dedicated to helping her out, encouraging her, and visiting her in the hospital, then nursing home, and finally assisted living until she was able to go back home. She has since recovered really well. She might not think so, and it's true she's even slower now, when she was already slow, but she's been back to living independently for a while now. We're so grateful that she got in and out before the pandemic took hold because that would have been a complete disaster.
And yes, so in March is when the lockdowns truly began. When I first heard about the virus in China, I didn't think too much of it figuring it would get under control there and that would be it. Then it hit Europe and then I heard about Northern Italy locking down entirely, which I thought was shocking at the time, but I still thought maybe that wouldn't happen here, but we all know how that turned out. I actually thought California should have locked down sooner than they did. We definitely decided to stay home before the lockdowns went into place. Still there was one time I went out to the grocery store with my dad on March 15th. It was a harrowing experience both because my dad was trying to rush like he always did, but my fears of the virus had taken hold and I was really paranoid. This was before masks became a thing. It was also really upsetting to see all the limited supplies of food. I think that's when it started hitting home. And to think when I first saw toilet paper being bought up, I found it kind of amusing. We never ran out of toilet paper btw luckily. My main concerns were about crazy hoarders, but as the virus spread more and more, anxiety kicked in for other reasons. I didn't go back to the grocery store again until the end of September. Not necessarily out of fear, but rather I thought that it was insensible for two people to go. Twice the chance of bringing home the virus. Obviously I gave in and now shop with my mom again once a week. And going back didn't make me anxious. In fact the opposite, it was kind of uplifting to be doing stuff again. And to get a Starbucks drink. Because I missed that. I'd like to think grocery shopping is relatively safe anyway. That's what I tell myself. I know nothing is 100% safe, but if not for masks being required, I doubt I would go grocery shopping in person. And so far so good. That's about the only thing we ever do, apart from my mom playing tennis, which is also low risk.
What to talk about next hmm, I guess I'll look back on what else happened in 2020, but I'm sure I'll circle round back to the pandemic again. Believe it or not there were one or two good things that did happen in 2020. I did get to go to Disneyland a few times before everything turned to cow dung. And most importantly I got to go on the new Rise of the Resistance ride, which was amazing. Of course getting to that point was hell in the freezing cold, having had insomnia the night before and waiting a really long time, and enduring breakdowns.
Then I got terribly sick a couple days later. I still go back and forth whether it was Covid or not. Yes, early in the pandemic. Supposedly not widespread, but we already know it was probably in the U.S. well before that. And a lot of tourists from Asia visit Disneyland... It was the roughest illness I ever had. With high 103 fever at the start. Believe me I was shocked when I saw that number and for a brief moment wondered if I would need to go to the hospital. But it came down, but recurred for three days. All I could do in the first week was lay around the couch and watch TV. I hadn't been knocked flat like that since I was a kid. The most I've gotten as an adult is bad colds, which are really miserable, but they don't take me out like that. I don't seem to get the flu either. Lots of coughing, some congestion, and then came the rib pain, which I had never had ever before and it became excruciating to the point of sleeplessness, and part of that was because of out of control anxiety and depression, so I think the illness was messing with my brain. I didn't sleep for three days. I felt better after I paid an urgent care visit, and then was stuck with brain fog I wasn't sure was going to go away. It's that feeling like you're not all there. I probably could have slept all day if I gave into it. Finally recovered. It took most of the month. So does this sound like it could have been Covid? I don't know. I certainly don't want to go through it again, the rib pain for sure. That took a while to heal. It could also have been the flu because I didn't get a flu shot. Yet, I don't think the flu normally lasts that long. I'm never going to know. All I know is it was hell to go through. And if it was Covid. Cool. I shouldn't have to worry. Maybe I have antibodies, but it may be too late for an antibody test now. And they weren't available when I was going through it. No one else got sick from me either... That was my crummy February. See even before the world turned to shit.
Another good thing that did come of the pandemic is that I really came to appreciate my own backyard. I enjoy just sitting out there, usually after lunch and watching the birds and butterflies (in spring and summer), and taking in the sun's rays. I'm glad to live in a place where I can be outside most of the time. It's something I plan on continuing even after the pandemic ends. It's a good change and relaxing. Before all this happened, I hardly ever went into the backyard, so it's one thing I can thank the pandemic for: an even greater appreciation of nature.
Because I've been doing less, it also led to blogging less except for about games and the occasional general or family update. No Disneyland trip reports to be had for most of the year. Other things I missed was going to the movie theater. Before I used to go almost every week to catch the latest. I really hope the theaters survive because I think that will sadden me the most, if they don't make it. It's one of my passions. Movies are. And watching at home doesn't compare to the theater experience. But I'm hopeful they'll come back in some capacity and I hope to be able to see a movie in one again this year, but I'm sure that's still a ways off. And of course I missed going to the bookstore and buying more books than I can read :P or at the very least just browsing. Again ordering books online is just not the same either. Going to the bookstore is definitely one thing I'll take advantage of once I'm vaccinated. I have faith that Barnes & Noble will survive this. I mean it has to. It's the only physical bookstore left I can visit near me sadly. Restaurants as well. I look forward to eating in restaurants again. And finally, I would look forward to going on vacation again even if that might not be until 2022.
Fast forward to June. My dad was laid off this month. His official last day was on October 30th. He was planning on retiring anyway, but it was still hard on him. And yet, he only lasted a month before deciding to take a part-time consulting job, which actually pays good money and he can work from home. He'd been working from home since the lockdown started and never went back to work in person. I'm happy for him. It gives him something to do because otherwise he was playing video games all day lol.
It was also around this time I began experiencing on a daily basis neck, shoulder and back pain that would just never go away. Part of it probably has to do with not going out as much. I mean, hey I don't mind staying at home as an introvert, I don't do the socialization thing, so that part of the pandemic doesn't bother me so much. But I still enjoy getting out and doing things, but like with Disneyland, the movies, and restaurants, I can't do these things anymore, so I'm at home more and I think it has taken a toll on my physical health. I also think my new desk setup has contributed to that as well as just not finding the right chair. But as of last month, I think I can say I'm managing the pain much better now. I take Glucosamine for the shoulder, which really helps. For my neck I finally decided to make a simple of change of reading on my bed instead of at my desk. It gets me up more and I think that has helped the most moving back and forth between the desk and bed. Works for my wacky ADD-ish routine too. I also have an app that I have set to tell me to get up for a minute every hour. And in recent months I've used that to jog in place to get some sort of exercise. My body has come to depend on this. Now the neck pain only mostly kicks in when I go to sit on the furniture in the living room, but we're planning on replacing them because they lack support and I just can't handle it anymore. Signs I'm starting to get old? Maybe. I'm happier at least in this sense that I've just now gotten a better handle on the pain. It was really affecting my overall mood. Probably should still see an orthopedist to get things checked out, but knowing me, I probably won't. I also have the cervical traction device which I got for Christmas, which probably helps too, if not very comfortable to lay my head on.
Politics. Derek. I'd rather not get into either. I'll just say it's been a shitshow for both. But Biden will be the new president on January 20th, no matter how much the GOP cries about it and tries to stop it. Can that party just die out already?
September was my first visit to a public building since March since I had to get my semi-annual blood test. And was forced to do a Zoom call with my doctor against my will. :/ My results were fine. I'm probably going to have to do it again in March. Then after that I found out I got a jury duty summons in the middle of a pandemic. Of course that would happen to me. I didn't have to report in thankfully for the first time in never, but that was one very stressful week. It was going to happen in November if I had to show up, right in the middle of a spike of cases. Glad I dodged that bullet, so that was another good thing I guess.
October seemed to be the month of things breaking. My glasses broke. The right arm snapped right off. I was pretty upset. Then my mom tried to fix them and made things worse, so I relied on my back up pair, which I luckily still had. I'm still wearing them. They were loose though so I found out about tying hair ties around the ends, which works well. Getting new glasses is one of my priorities once I'm vaccinated. I'm way overdue to get my eyes checked anyway. And had a tooth break and a loose filling. Got those fixed. I'm still having a problem though. Since I don't want to go back to the dentist once again, I'm waiting and then will get a cleaning and maybe mention it then or see if they detect anything. *shrugs* Our washing machine broke too, but we were able to fix it easily. But things breaking just added to crap that is 2020. I also got my first ever flu shot in this month. I wasn't taking any chances this time. And we all got new smartphones, which was another good thing. So good things still happened.
Here are some other ways in which we passed the time during lockdown. Not being able to go to movie theaters meant watching a lot of movies at home both from our library at home, and streaming a few on demand films that would have been in theaters if they were open. We got to the idea to go through our movie collection alphabetically and watch a movie from each letter. We didn't do every letter, but it was fun. And more recently we watched the Harry Potter movies again. We also played board games a lot and bought some from my childhood like Mall Madness (We still had that game, but the battery corroded so we replaced the game), the Disneyland game, Jumanji, Life and Mouse Trap. So, we've had fun together doing these things.
Other stuff: Streaming services. I won't go too into detail, but 2020 was the year of Disney+. It's been great. I've enjoyed a lot of their original content and have enjoyed watching the old live-action films of the 50s and 60s. I'm taking a break from them at the moment, but I'll get back to that fairly soon. Other TV highlights were The Legend of Korra. I'll probably start season two of that soonish as well. Going through that more slowly because it gets switched between things. And there was season two of The Mandalorian, which was excellent and watched with my mom this time. My third highlight was The Queen's Gambit. I had seen a lot of hype for this and then on the Autism Women & Nonbinary Network on Facebook they mentioned how Beth Harmon seemed autistic, which finally encouraged me to check it out. I was iffy before because I'm not into chess, but this show made chess pretty exciting. As for Beth being autistic, I guess I could see that, but I can't say as I related to her. She was much better adjusted than I am. :P Of course I watched plenty of other stuff, but those were the standouts.
There is more regarding Luke the geriatric dog and him pooping in the house saga, but I'm tired and don't want to write anymore.
2020 was a really awful year and it still doesn't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, especially now. California is so bad right now and there's so much uncertainty. I had anxiety spikes in March, July/August, and recently in November to the point where I had to stop looking at certain websites because it was becoming triggering. My anxiety has always been centered around my parents getting sick and possibly dying, though I wouldn't say they are particularly high risk. I've always had anxiety about them dying tbh, but I never expected a pandemic as a possibility. Mentally never prepared for that. Out of every possible thing I could think that could take them out, a pandemic wasn't something that ever crossed my mind, which just goes to show how little control I have. But there is reason to believe there's hope for the future. Normalcy will come again. When is the question. But things will start to get better. We just have to get through this winter. We have to survive because I can't lose anyone. It would break me. Sorry this got so depressing. Anyway, that's my review of the year. As you can see, a few good things happened in the midst of the pain and darkness. Mostly small things, but I've learned to appreciate the small things more. Here's to a less worry filled 2021.
Next I will write up the first of my lists. "My Favorite Books of 2020."