jumpy
Today I am very anxious. It's day 5 of being clean and sober and I'm freaking out. I feel like I'm ready to crawl out of my skin. My mind is constantly racing and I feel so tired but can't sleep. Last night I slept for 2 maybe 3 hours total. I just laid there unable to get comfortable unable to be at peace. I feel better today but i still feel that restlessness. I got very good news from the doctor today. I was waiting for test results on something and everything came back negative so I can at least be at peace with that which makes me very happy. I talked to my x this morning and he apoligized for yelling at me for telling him not to go out with that girl. I realized I can't tell him that. He needs to make his own mistakes and I need to worry about myself now as much as I may not want to. It's so much easier to worry about everybody else and give everyone else advise. I feel good today though. Well as good as I can be being as jumpy as I am. I bought cigarettes today even though I quit smoking over a year ago. I needed something to calm my nerves and figured let me use that for now and when I feel stablized in everything else then I can worry about quitting smoking. Ya know. At least I feel lucky today that i talked to some friends of mine that do care about me and want to be there for me in this time in my life. That makes me happy. I also got in touch with a counseling center today for drug and alcohol abuse. They have a 3 night a week outpatient program. There's a two week waiting list but it;s better than never. Well that's all for now. Gotta figure out what meeting to go to tommorrow. Goodnight. T