In Memory...
August 20, 2006 ... The date of my Honey Jam performance. I was just taking the rollers out of my hair. I had set it so that I'd have a fro with braids going up to my crown. It was going to be a live show with a dance routine and dancers. My hair, My r0kstar outfit, My dancers. LIVE indeed.
Then. My mom called. "Auntie Jenny died. You need to come to the hospital. They're asking for you."
I dropped whatever I was doing. I jetted to the hospital. Curlers still in my hair, tracksuit and all. When I got to the hospital. I saw the familiar faces of my other family. We were and still are, best cousins. The three chickadees. Me, Rosanne and Kathryn. I saw them. I saw my cousin Matt. Uncle Ray. My other family members were there too. I rushed to Rose and hugged her. She burst into tears. All I could manage was a muffled "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry". We cried for a while. I looked to the back of the room. There was my auntie in the hospital bed. Tube in her mouth. She looked as though she was just in a deep sleep. I went to her. Uncle Ray took me in his arms. "She loved you so much you know, do you know how much she loved you?? She was so proud of you!" He took my hand and put it on auntie Jenny's arm. It was so cold. So cold. I just cried and cried and cried. I can't believe she is gone. I just stared at her for the longest time. I kept touching her like she'd wake up. My uncle and others kept rubbing auntie's arms so they'd feel warm, as though she was still alive.
But i knew she was gone. She was so cold. I spent hours beside her. Just stroking her hair. touching her hands. She was my other mother. I spent my childhood and preteens at her house. Auntie Jenny, Uncle Ray, Matt, Kate and Rose. Auntie Jenny would always make sure we were taken care of. Always. What a tremendous woman she was.
I saw her just last month. We had a nice conversation. (Sigh) She was FINE. I don't understand. She was just talking to my uncle, sitting in her chair. My baby cousin (her grandson) came up to her and said he loved her. She leaned over to hug him and BOOM. She collapsed and by the time she had fallen over completely, she was dead.
Emergency brought her back for a matter of seconds, but she flatlined again. They took her to the hospital to try and revive her, but no luck.
Auntie had diabetes pretty badly, but you'd never know it. She was always so happy and so full of joy when she looked at us nieces, nephews and grandkids.
I couldn't perform. I had to cancel. They understood. They'd rather I don't perform if I couldn't to my fullest.
After Auntie died, I spent quite some time with my uncle and his family. Whatever I could do to help. Even if it was just for company, to clean, whatever. I just wanted to be with them.
I was determined by the funeral date to sing "Even If" by Amel Larrieux for her. If she could talk now, I bet she would say what that song says. It's beautiful "Even if I wake up and find I'm alone, and the whole world's turned to stone, and my god says it's time I take you home, I'll be happy going knowing that I loved you."...
Unfortunatley the priest wouldn't let me sing the song in the church. So I got my keyboard guy together at the studio and recorded the track. I burned it onto cds and made a really nice cd label and note to the fam. I wanted this song to be a memento of Auntie Jenny's funeral.
The song is on my myspace. If you want to hear, click HERE.
Anyway. Auntie Jenny, I miss you, I love you, You were an amazing woman and I know your soul will live on forever.