the pleasures and perils of life
wow, this is my first update in god knows when. rich and ruth if ur reading i bid you both the fondest of hellos, hoping all is well and happy.
so the past 3 months, post apocalypse. the very day my heart shattered into a thousand pieces, irreparable and now tainted. i can remember it like yesterday, you feel the very last breaths being sucked out you, your heart breaks as your soul is torn from your body. i cannot love. i try (sorry jo but you and i both know we were hardly a good match) but i fail. is the constant failures in life ever to receed for the moments of joy, bliss, happiness?
seeing them together is unsettling. but only cos it reminds of who i was. i hate it when ur self-analytical fallout from a failed relationship sees you doubting everything about you. i hate it. do i scare myself cos i feel no resentment for what amy did? when i see her with adam and they look genuinely happy and in my heart i can honestly say im happy for them both. why arent i bitter? words fail me like the failed attempts one makes on a girl of dreams. the girl of dreams is unreachable and only now can i appreciate that. whats the point in aiming so far north that u turn cold. does that mean in relationships we just settle for things, people? do past relationships mean nothing cos they were convenience? fuck ive got too much time on my hands.
maybe its too be all ok. its always ok in the end.
so the past 3 months, post apocalypse. the very day my heart shattered into a thousand pieces, irreparable and now tainted. i can remember it like yesterday, you feel the very last breaths being sucked out you, your heart breaks as your soul is torn from your body. i cannot love. i try (sorry jo but you and i both know we were hardly a good match) but i fail. is the constant failures in life ever to receed for the moments of joy, bliss, happiness?
seeing them together is unsettling. but only cos it reminds of who i was. i hate it when ur self-analytical fallout from a failed relationship sees you doubting everything about you. i hate it. do i scare myself cos i feel no resentment for what amy did? when i see her with adam and they look genuinely happy and in my heart i can honestly say im happy for them both. why arent i bitter? words fail me like the failed attempts one makes on a girl of dreams. the girl of dreams is unreachable and only now can i appreciate that. whats the point in aiming so far north that u turn cold. does that mean in relationships we just settle for things, people? do past relationships mean nothing cos they were convenience? fuck ive got too much time on my hands.
maybe its too be all ok. its always ok in the end.