We interrupt your regularly scheduled f-list for some self-pimping
I have five gigs on fiverr right now, a few silly, a few serious. If you have $5 to spare, and would like a story proofread, or thank-you notes written, or cheerleading while you’re working on a project, or a personalized prophecy, or relationship advice from Cthulu, I hope you’ll stop on by. Money is a little tight right now since my part-time job doesn’t start up for a week, and I’m also hoping to raise some cash to apply for grad school as well.
1. Motivational angry diatribes for $5
Sometimes, no matter how much you need to get a project done, it's near impossible to make yourself get up off your lazy ass and do it. Believe me, I know! But it gets a whole lot easier when someone is holding you accountable. Specifically, someone not afraid to swear at you, in Capslock, in increasingly creative combinations. WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL READING THIS, YOU UGLY SON OF A CORPSE-MONKEY?! GO PAINT THE KITCHEN/WRITE THAT ESSAY/ETC!
2. Cthulu answers your questions for $5
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! But while he's dreaming, why can't he answer a few of your questions? Life, love, and social etiquette--where better to get your advice than from a repository of all dark and terrible knowledge than man was not meant to know, and that we instinctively shrink from once we understand our true insignificance in the face of its cosmic horror?
3. Thank-you notes for $5
Who likes writing thank-you letters? You stare the page for hours, struggling with guilt and obligation and connotation, trying desperately to come up with a sincere-sounding paragraph about that sweater Aunt Edna got you. It's enough to suck the last bit of joy out of a birthday or Christmas. Luckily for you, I can lie to your Aunt Edna without compunction. That sweater is lovely! All your friends are jealous! Pom-poms are really in right now!
4. Proofread short story for $5
I will edit your short story (up to 8000 words) for spelling and grammar, as well as offer notes on your prose style, characterization, atmosphere, plot, etc. Though my experience is largely with science fiction, fantasy, and horror, I am happy to take a look at any genre.
5. Individualized Prophecy and Quest for $5
Modern life is a tyranny of the mundane. Wouldn't you like to pretend you're destined for something greater? I will write you up a min. 500 word prophecy in poetry or prose, detailing the quest(s) you must follow, the adversaries to be faced, and the greatness that is destined to be yours. I will also write some "extracts from scholarly texts" concerning said prophecy, and throw in a cryptic note from a dying monk/knight/alien in a blue box.
If you can’t afford it at the moment or if none of these are your cup of tea, I’d still super-appreciate it if you could signal-boost. Right now, every little bit helps. Thanks!
Edit: There were some issues with the links when I first posted, but they should all be working now.
1. Motivational angry diatribes for $5
Sometimes, no matter how much you need to get a project done, it's near impossible to make yourself get up off your lazy ass and do it. Believe me, I know! But it gets a whole lot easier when someone is holding you accountable. Specifically, someone not afraid to swear at you, in Capslock, in increasingly creative combinations. WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL READING THIS, YOU UGLY SON OF A CORPSE-MONKEY?! GO PAINT THE KITCHEN/WRITE THAT ESSAY/ETC!
2. Cthulu answers your questions for $5
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! But while he's dreaming, why can't he answer a few of your questions? Life, love, and social etiquette--where better to get your advice than from a repository of all dark and terrible knowledge than man was not meant to know, and that we instinctively shrink from once we understand our true insignificance in the face of its cosmic horror?
3. Thank-you notes for $5
Who likes writing thank-you letters? You stare the page for hours, struggling with guilt and obligation and connotation, trying desperately to come up with a sincere-sounding paragraph about that sweater Aunt Edna got you. It's enough to suck the last bit of joy out of a birthday or Christmas. Luckily for you, I can lie to your Aunt Edna without compunction. That sweater is lovely! All your friends are jealous! Pom-poms are really in right now!
4. Proofread short story for $5
I will edit your short story (up to 8000 words) for spelling and grammar, as well as offer notes on your prose style, characterization, atmosphere, plot, etc. Though my experience is largely with science fiction, fantasy, and horror, I am happy to take a look at any genre.
5. Individualized Prophecy and Quest for $5
Modern life is a tyranny of the mundane. Wouldn't you like to pretend you're destined for something greater? I will write you up a min. 500 word prophecy in poetry or prose, detailing the quest(s) you must follow, the adversaries to be faced, and the greatness that is destined to be yours. I will also write some "extracts from scholarly texts" concerning said prophecy, and throw in a cryptic note from a dying monk/knight/alien in a blue box.
If you can’t afford it at the moment or if none of these are your cup of tea, I’d still super-appreciate it if you could signal-boost. Right now, every little bit helps. Thanks!
Edit: There were some issues with the links when I first posted, but they should all be working now.