Experiences.
There are so many things in this world to experience, it makes me sad sometimes when I think of all of them I won't. And I don't just mean things like seeing the plains of Africa or watching the aurora; Those are things that I might see, or might not. Those are things that can pretty much be done at any time. But that's the real issue here: time. Because like a million and one songs can attest to, time, she don't come back. The cruel mistress, the pretty pony. There are some things in life, you can only experience at certain times in your life, or the history of the world, or are different when experienced at different times. And once those times pass, no matter what you do later, you missed it. Never say never, but it's gone... in this world, in this life, gone.
Take Star Wars for example. I loved Star Wars from the moment I saw it, and still do. But, oddly enough, I saw it backwards. Return of the Jedi, The Empire Strikes Back, A New Hope, all within a year and a half time period. I was pretty young, so I didn't get all the finer nuances of the story, but when the time rolled around for me to actually see all three of them in order, one a day, I remembered enough to know that Darth was Luke's father, to know that they save Han. I missed the shock and awe of one of the biggest revelations in the history of films, and didn't experience the full grief and horror of seeing Han's twisted face trapped in cold stone. I felt some of it, yeah... but nowhere near what people who had no idea felt. And I never will. Maybe from some other things, but those particular things... it's gone. Because you can't make yourself forget. Once you know something, you can't unknow it, no matter how trivial a fact, or cruel a truth, it may be.
But I'm talking about more than that. What about having little brothers or sisters? There are enough around to attest that they would gladly never have experienced what that was like, but there are also some who wouldn't. Maybe I would change my mind if I had actually grown up the oldest, or even be a middle child of a few others. Regardless, I can't help but wonder what life would be like, to have a younger brother or two, or a sister. Hell, a sister. These are the kinds of things you can't help, that you have no control over. The cards life deals you. Maybe I have such a desire because I've been on the recieving end of such a crappy younger-brother relationship, that I feel the urge to make a better one for someone else. Oh yeah, I can psychoanalyze myself ;) But all the psychological bullshit doesn't change the fact. That sometimes I wish... I wish I could know what it's like. To show a new wonder to someone. Play some game with them. Put a bandage over their scrapes or cuts, and confide how we'll tell everyone it's a battle scar when they ask. To tell bedtime stories, and sneak horror movies and books to when mom's not looking to watch at one o'clock, under a blanket in the dark. I guess some of these things can be done with a kid. And I would like a kid, very much. Adopted if need be, doesn't matter. But still, it wouldn't be the same as being an older brother. No matter what might happen, growing up with a younger sibling is just one of the things I'll never know. And sometimes, like a small cloud passing beneath the sun, it aches. Just a little. Not even once a month. But forever.
And of course there are the more common things. Things everyone goes through at some point or the other, but at different times, almost changing them completely. Good ones and bad. Learning to ride a bike. Most people learn it when they're young, and know what it's like, to just mount up and go with your friends. Some people don't learn till later, when they're in college or whatnot, and use it as their means of transportation to school and stuff. Having your parents divorce. That one can effect lots of stuff. If it happens between 0-5, it usally doesn't make much difference, as you're too young to really understand or care whats going on. 7-15, thats the prime time. Some even go through it when they're older then that. But whatever age, it makes a difference in the person's life: but a different difference. Getting a job while in highschool. The juggling act, the constant movement, the overwork, back and forth, one or the other. Girlfriend/boyfriend. Thats a big one. When was your first one? How many have you had? How did they end? Different for everyone. Different experiences, in middle school, in highschool, in college. Sex. Now there's an even bigger one. How old were you? Were they? What were you doing in life then? Did you have to play the hiding game, sneaking around to meet, having the added thrill/risk of you're parents finding out? How did you act in school, knowing what you did out of it? The same? Was everything different? Did you start seeing people in categories of virgin/not-virgin/unsure? If it was a long term thing, what about the changes you two went through as you aged through the teens, that time when the most changes happen to our bodies and minds the fastest? (save childhood, but that time doesn't count for this. I hope) These are things that change, depending on how old you were when it happened. Depending on who you were when it happened. And no matter what happens later in life, for some people (not alot, I don't think) those questions will never be answered. Because it's too late already: even if they started now, it's too late.
Getting a license, and your own car. Drugs. A close-death. Someone close to you dying. Vacations to theme-parks. Being arrested. The list goes on. For every age, different. For every person, at every age, so that it's impossible to know it all, go through it all. Faust was the one who traded his soul to Mephistopheles so that he could experience everything in life, neh? Rock on Faust. Though personally my soul is mine, and no others': rock on Faust.
Take Star Wars for example. I loved Star Wars from the moment I saw it, and still do. But, oddly enough, I saw it backwards. Return of the Jedi, The Empire Strikes Back, A New Hope, all within a year and a half time period. I was pretty young, so I didn't get all the finer nuances of the story, but when the time rolled around for me to actually see all three of them in order, one a day, I remembered enough to know that Darth was Luke's father, to know that they save Han. I missed the shock and awe of one of the biggest revelations in the history of films, and didn't experience the full grief and horror of seeing Han's twisted face trapped in cold stone. I felt some of it, yeah... but nowhere near what people who had no idea felt. And I never will. Maybe from some other things, but those particular things... it's gone. Because you can't make yourself forget. Once you know something, you can't unknow it, no matter how trivial a fact, or cruel a truth, it may be.
But I'm talking about more than that. What about having little brothers or sisters? There are enough around to attest that they would gladly never have experienced what that was like, but there are also some who wouldn't. Maybe I would change my mind if I had actually grown up the oldest, or even be a middle child of a few others. Regardless, I can't help but wonder what life would be like, to have a younger brother or two, or a sister. Hell, a sister. These are the kinds of things you can't help, that you have no control over. The cards life deals you. Maybe I have such a desire because I've been on the recieving end of such a crappy younger-brother relationship, that I feel the urge to make a better one for someone else. Oh yeah, I can psychoanalyze myself ;) But all the psychological bullshit doesn't change the fact. That sometimes I wish... I wish I could know what it's like. To show a new wonder to someone. Play some game with them. Put a bandage over their scrapes or cuts, and confide how we'll tell everyone it's a battle scar when they ask. To tell bedtime stories, and sneak horror movies and books to when mom's not looking to watch at one o'clock, under a blanket in the dark. I guess some of these things can be done with a kid. And I would like a kid, very much. Adopted if need be, doesn't matter. But still, it wouldn't be the same as being an older brother. No matter what might happen, growing up with a younger sibling is just one of the things I'll never know. And sometimes, like a small cloud passing beneath the sun, it aches. Just a little. Not even once a month. But forever.
And of course there are the more common things. Things everyone goes through at some point or the other, but at different times, almost changing them completely. Good ones and bad. Learning to ride a bike. Most people learn it when they're young, and know what it's like, to just mount up and go with your friends. Some people don't learn till later, when they're in college or whatnot, and use it as their means of transportation to school and stuff. Having your parents divorce. That one can effect lots of stuff. If it happens between 0-5, it usally doesn't make much difference, as you're too young to really understand or care whats going on. 7-15, thats the prime time. Some even go through it when they're older then that. But whatever age, it makes a difference in the person's life: but a different difference. Getting a job while in highschool. The juggling act, the constant movement, the overwork, back and forth, one or the other. Girlfriend/boyfriend. Thats a big one. When was your first one? How many have you had? How did they end? Different for everyone. Different experiences, in middle school, in highschool, in college. Sex. Now there's an even bigger one. How old were you? Were they? What were you doing in life then? Did you have to play the hiding game, sneaking around to meet, having the added thrill/risk of you're parents finding out? How did you act in school, knowing what you did out of it? The same? Was everything different? Did you start seeing people in categories of virgin/not-virgin/unsure? If it was a long term thing, what about the changes you two went through as you aged through the teens, that time when the most changes happen to our bodies and minds the fastest? (save childhood, but that time doesn't count for this. I hope) These are things that change, depending on how old you were when it happened. Depending on who you were when it happened. And no matter what happens later in life, for some people (not alot, I don't think) those questions will never be answered. Because it's too late already: even if they started now, it's too late.
Getting a license, and your own car. Drugs. A close-death. Someone close to you dying. Vacations to theme-parks. Being arrested. The list goes on. For every age, different. For every person, at every age, so that it's impossible to know it all, go through it all. Faust was the one who traded his soul to Mephistopheles so that he could experience everything in life, neh? Rock on Faust. Though personally my soul is mine, and no others': rock on Faust.