"I'm obsessed that I may be the last living man on earth..."
People.
When you learn something you didn't know about someone, it supposedly changes your whole opinion of them, if its big enough. Or bad enough. What some people are able to do though, is remember that they are still the same person they had always been: you simply hadn't known that about them. It may make you view them in a new light (or dark), but is supposed to allow you to continue pretty much as you did with them (this is under the assumption that the things they did were never directly addressed and/or denied, or weren't things that you believed to be agreed upon taboos, such as discovering that someone had cheated on you or continued to drink after saying they were stopping).
This is an ability I have had to call upon a few times, and every time, its hard, and every time, it hurts, but in the end I do it, and am glad I did. That most others don't or can't isn't neccessarily their fault... I've accepted that I am different from most people, and if I expect others to be able to act as I do, I will be perpetually disappointed.
But...
How is it that people can throw away loyalties so easily? I am constantly amazed, although I should perhaps be hardened to the fact by now, that people can hurt, or allow to be hurt, people they claim are friends. And no matter how much they may rationalize it to themselves, they are doing so because on some level they feel guilty. They know that it isn't right. But not enough to make them stop it. Especially if it's not directly involving them.
Am I the only person who sees this? Even if many would agree as they read this, how they act in real life in a simialer situation most likely would be completely different... and they wouldn't even realize it. Am I the only person who can be, in every sense, a real friend? How ever much I may want to believe otherwise about people who I care about... who I believe care about me; if they would do it or allow it do be done to others who they claim to like, how do I know they wouldn't also do it to me? And people would wonder why I don't trust anyone. My response is to continue befriending those who I care enough about to be friends with, continue helping others as much as I can... but never allow anyone else to help me, never turn to another when in pain and need, no matter how much I may crave it. Because they can't be trusted.
But...
Why do people disregard what people *do*, and focus rather on what they might or can. Why do they condemn others so callously, believing that they, in their infinite wisdom, have seen straight to the other's soul, and know all there is to know about them? Why do they believe that it's ok to hurt those who have never hurt them, simply because they can, or might? And even if they have... why is it ok to hurt them back? Is the definition of the "bad guy" in a situation the person who struck first?
I knew instinctively that if I was to truly understand people, I would need compassion in great amounts. Luckily, I have it. I also have patience. And an open mind. This isn't bragging: it's stating the facts. However, I do not have a very high tolerance for stupidity in others, and that may be what stops me ultimatley. I don't like to think less of other people around me, but when I see them do things that can only be described as ignorant or stupid or base... I can't help it. Maybe I *am* concieted, but the thought that I'm better then everyone else, not in the faster/stronger/smarter/handsomer/etc sense, but simply "better"... I just can't help it. From what I see on a day to day basis, even with those who I at first think are better then most... I have to fight hard not to be disgusted, and just walk away, back to what I was before. Lonliness is bad; one of the worst things a person can experience. Anyone who says they would rather be alone then in the company of friends when they have a problem has never been truly alone, or simply doesn't know better; because it's NEVER a good idea to bury bad feelings inside and deny them fresh air and sunlight, so that they fester and grow. But learning that people you like and trust can be so petty and heartless... that's almost as bad as lonliness. And if I had to, I think I could go back to what I was, and cut myself off from everyone else. The alternative is eventual belief that everyone else is, in actuality, with all the pretty wrapping removed, scum.
And I'm trying... I'm trying real hard... not to believe that.
And you'll all forget most of this soon anyway. Most of you will, even if you agree and realize what I'm saying is true. So why do I do it? Besides just getting it off my chest... for the chance, however small, that one of you won't.
People.
When you learn something you didn't know about someone, it supposedly changes your whole opinion of them, if its big enough. Or bad enough. What some people are able to do though, is remember that they are still the same person they had always been: you simply hadn't known that about them. It may make you view them in a new light (or dark), but is supposed to allow you to continue pretty much as you did with them (this is under the assumption that the things they did were never directly addressed and/or denied, or weren't things that you believed to be agreed upon taboos, such as discovering that someone had cheated on you or continued to drink after saying they were stopping).
This is an ability I have had to call upon a few times, and every time, its hard, and every time, it hurts, but in the end I do it, and am glad I did. That most others don't or can't isn't neccessarily their fault... I've accepted that I am different from most people, and if I expect others to be able to act as I do, I will be perpetually disappointed.
But...
How is it that people can throw away loyalties so easily? I am constantly amazed, although I should perhaps be hardened to the fact by now, that people can hurt, or allow to be hurt, people they claim are friends. And no matter how much they may rationalize it to themselves, they are doing so because on some level they feel guilty. They know that it isn't right. But not enough to make them stop it. Especially if it's not directly involving them.
Am I the only person who sees this? Even if many would agree as they read this, how they act in real life in a simialer situation most likely would be completely different... and they wouldn't even realize it. Am I the only person who can be, in every sense, a real friend? How ever much I may want to believe otherwise about people who I care about... who I believe care about me; if they would do it or allow it do be done to others who they claim to like, how do I know they wouldn't also do it to me? And people would wonder why I don't trust anyone. My response is to continue befriending those who I care enough about to be friends with, continue helping others as much as I can... but never allow anyone else to help me, never turn to another when in pain and need, no matter how much I may crave it. Because they can't be trusted.
But...
Why do people disregard what people *do*, and focus rather on what they might or can. Why do they condemn others so callously, believing that they, in their infinite wisdom, have seen straight to the other's soul, and know all there is to know about them? Why do they believe that it's ok to hurt those who have never hurt them, simply because they can, or might? And even if they have... why is it ok to hurt them back? Is the definition of the "bad guy" in a situation the person who struck first?
I knew instinctively that if I was to truly understand people, I would need compassion in great amounts. Luckily, I have it. I also have patience. And an open mind. This isn't bragging: it's stating the facts. However, I do not have a very high tolerance for stupidity in others, and that may be what stops me ultimatley. I don't like to think less of other people around me, but when I see them do things that can only be described as ignorant or stupid or base... I can't help it. Maybe I *am* concieted, but the thought that I'm better then everyone else, not in the faster/stronger/smarter/handsomer/etc sense, but simply "better"... I just can't help it. From what I see on a day to day basis, even with those who I at first think are better then most... I have to fight hard not to be disgusted, and just walk away, back to what I was before. Lonliness is bad; one of the worst things a person can experience. Anyone who says they would rather be alone then in the company of friends when they have a problem has never been truly alone, or simply doesn't know better; because it's NEVER a good idea to bury bad feelings inside and deny them fresh air and sunlight, so that they fester and grow. But learning that people you like and trust can be so petty and heartless... that's almost as bad as lonliness. And if I had to, I think I could go back to what I was, and cut myself off from everyone else. The alternative is eventual belief that everyone else is, in actuality, with all the pretty wrapping removed, scum.
And I'm trying... I'm trying real hard... not to believe that.
And you'll all forget most of this soon anyway. Most of you will, even if you agree and realize what I'm saying is true. So why do I do it? Besides just getting it off my chest... for the chance, however small, that one of you won't.
People.