Being alone. Again.
I feel totally, completely lost and helpless right now.
Jonathan came home today after being in Florida for a while. And promptly broke up with me, because he's apparently always loved his ex-girlfriend the whole time and wants her. (Apparently it's a minor point that she's engaged to someone else.) I can't really stop crying, and I'm just... baffled, really. Why couldn't he have told me this before I wasted 7 months of my life? Why did he have to effing start anything with me in the first place?
I don't even know what to do. My whole life was re-planned around being with him forever. I quit school because I knew he and I were moving to Atlanta after I get home from Basic, and my GPA is too low to transfer, so I figured there was no point in stressing myself out with pointless classes when I needed to be worrying with getting ready for training. So now my life is officially screwed up. I'm a college drop-out, I don't know if I can even go back now with my grades, and now I can't be an army officer, so now I get to be an enlisted person the rest of my life instead of really going anywhere.
I just... I don't know. On one hand, I keep trying to look at the bright side. He really was sort of an ass. He didn't have enough respect for me to, say, let me know if he was going out with his friends and was going to come home late, and didn't care that I'd sit at home every night waiting on him to come home. I didn't give a damn if he wanted to go out, but gah, let me know so I can make my own plans. I'll actually have money again, which is a positive. He does in fact have money, but for some mysterious reason he was always broke and I always had to pay for everything. I didn't mind, because I loved him and I don't mind doing stuff... It just got a little ridiculous that I had to buy his food almost every night when he'd blow his money on weed. And there's bad point number 3. That god-forsaken drug issue. I could never ask him to flat out stop... But it caused an INSANE amount of problems with our relationship. I can't make someone change... It just seems like if you really cared about someone, you'd want them to be happy, and WANT to drop some horrible habit like that.
I don't know. All in all, I really will probably be better off in the end. But right now, I feel like I've been ripped into pieces. I don't know how to be alone anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, because I planned so much of it around him now... and I don't even know where to turn. I guess I could always just go active duty and get out of here for a while...
I'm lost, guys. And I honestly have never felt more like just giving up and dying than right now.
Jonathan came home today after being in Florida for a while. And promptly broke up with me, because he's apparently always loved his ex-girlfriend the whole time and wants her. (Apparently it's a minor point that she's engaged to someone else.) I can't really stop crying, and I'm just... baffled, really. Why couldn't he have told me this before I wasted 7 months of my life? Why did he have to effing start anything with me in the first place?
I don't even know what to do. My whole life was re-planned around being with him forever. I quit school because I knew he and I were moving to Atlanta after I get home from Basic, and my GPA is too low to transfer, so I figured there was no point in stressing myself out with pointless classes when I needed to be worrying with getting ready for training. So now my life is officially screwed up. I'm a college drop-out, I don't know if I can even go back now with my grades, and now I can't be an army officer, so now I get to be an enlisted person the rest of my life instead of really going anywhere.
I just... I don't know. On one hand, I keep trying to look at the bright side. He really was sort of an ass. He didn't have enough respect for me to, say, let me know if he was going out with his friends and was going to come home late, and didn't care that I'd sit at home every night waiting on him to come home. I didn't give a damn if he wanted to go out, but gah, let me know so I can make my own plans. I'll actually have money again, which is a positive. He does in fact have money, but for some mysterious reason he was always broke and I always had to pay for everything. I didn't mind, because I loved him and I don't mind doing stuff... It just got a little ridiculous that I had to buy his food almost every night when he'd blow his money on weed. And there's bad point number 3. That god-forsaken drug issue. I could never ask him to flat out stop... But it caused an INSANE amount of problems with our relationship. I can't make someone change... It just seems like if you really cared about someone, you'd want them to be happy, and WANT to drop some horrible habit like that.
I don't know. All in all, I really will probably be better off in the end. But right now, I feel like I've been ripped into pieces. I don't know how to be alone anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, because I planned so much of it around him now... and I don't even know where to turn. I guess I could always just go active duty and get out of here for a while...
I'm lost, guys. And I honestly have never felt more like just giving up and dying than right now.