my night is colored headache grey
Time Sure Flies when you're out doing things, and then suddenly I was back and work was starting and it's all so very meh. It's pointless to write about IRL because nothing really interesting ever happens, and it feels like it's pointless to write about fandom because no1cur.
There isn't a lot that bothers me with my life, but you know what does? Looking through this journal. I started it when I moved here, and it is such an obvious testament to how nothing has happened since. It was okay for the first year, and the second, but this is nearing the forth anniversary and my accomplishments can be summarised as "learning to play the saxophone (badly)".
It's probably the ultimate consequence of my unfortunate childhood dream: where other kids had their dream jobs, I only wanted to study at a university like an aunt I really admired. And I've done that and it's finished, and I guess these last four years have been about realising that I need some direction. People around me find that direction in marrying and buying a house and having 2.3 kids to occupy themselves with, but I don't want that. Unfortunately, I don't know what it is I want instead, either, and I expect I'll be brooding over that and spew it out onto the internet anyway.
Anyway, Things I've been doing:
- Re-read and re-watched Lord of the Rings
- Been to Scotland (Edinburgh, specifically)
- Visited all the places in Germany that I always wanted to visit
- Read four books. Five books.
- Bought fifteen Detective Conan books because I discovered the best new characters when I picked up the most recent one for fun.
- Learned how to paint interior
- Made an ereader cover from an old book
- Ordered a gorgeous trenchcoat online in one size too big, which in reality turned out to be at least two sizes too small.
- The TestDaF, which would be a huge German certification that essentially just say that someone is "so-and-so competent at fields pertaining to student life". I got top scores in reading and listening and second best in writing and speaking, which was exactly what I expected and good enough for my purposes. If I want to study, I don't have to fuss about the language certification any longer.
There isn't a lot that bothers me with my life, but you know what does? Looking through this journal. I started it when I moved here, and it is such an obvious testament to how nothing has happened since. It was okay for the first year, and the second, but this is nearing the forth anniversary and my accomplishments can be summarised as "learning to play the saxophone (badly)".
It's probably the ultimate consequence of my unfortunate childhood dream: where other kids had their dream jobs, I only wanted to study at a university like an aunt I really admired. And I've done that and it's finished, and I guess these last four years have been about realising that I need some direction. People around me find that direction in marrying and buying a house and having 2.3 kids to occupy themselves with, but I don't want that. Unfortunately, I don't know what it is I want instead, either, and I expect I'll be brooding over that and spew it out onto the internet anyway.
Anyway, Things I've been doing:
- Re-read and re-watched Lord of the Rings
- Been to Scotland (Edinburgh, specifically)
- Visited all the places in Germany that I always wanted to visit
- Read four books. Five books.
- Bought fifteen Detective Conan books because I discovered the best new characters when I picked up the most recent one for fun.
- Learned how to paint interior
- Made an ereader cover from an old book
- Ordered a gorgeous trenchcoat online in one size too big, which in reality turned out to be at least two sizes too small.
- The TestDaF, which would be a huge German certification that essentially just say that someone is "so-and-so competent at fields pertaining to student life". I got top scores in reading and listening and second best in writing and speaking, which was exactly what I expected and good enough for my purposes. If I want to study, I don't have to fuss about the language certification any longer.