meh. update.
I never update this, anymore. I've gone to Facebook, really, and most of my friends are there.
The last year has basically been total shit, with my heart being ran over, my crazies coming out in such full force that for the first time in my life I had to be medicated (and still am), and my game, Lexicon, ending. And being out of money, and being friggin lonely, and being unable to summon the drive to fix these things permanently.
This year is seeming like it will turn out better, but it is so hard to get my hopes up after all the shit I've been through. I suppose everyone goes through the same stupid shit, but I've never really felt fully able to deal with shit. A year of therapy every week to two weeks has helped with that, too. Dealt with a lot of shit I sat on for the better part of 20 years, as well as dealt with a lot of stuff that would come up day-to-day.
This year, my therapy is over. I feel so much better, now. I might lose my job, and I can't say that I mind either way- if I lose my job, I lose my money, but I can find a new job, or go back to school, or be free. If I keep this job, fine, it's good money and I like a lot of the people I work with. I hate the job itself, but jobs weren't designed to be loved.
Maybe this year, I will find someone new who will appreciate me for who I am. 2 or 3 months ago, I had a dream where I saw a girl from behind, and the voice in my head said "I will be ready (or possibly you will meet me, I couldn't remember it clearly) in a year or two." Perhaps this will be my year.
I am rambling and it is early in the morning. But those are the thoughts that were on my mind.
The last year has basically been total shit, with my heart being ran over, my crazies coming out in such full force that for the first time in my life I had to be medicated (and still am), and my game, Lexicon, ending. And being out of money, and being friggin lonely, and being unable to summon the drive to fix these things permanently.
This year is seeming like it will turn out better, but it is so hard to get my hopes up after all the shit I've been through. I suppose everyone goes through the same stupid shit, but I've never really felt fully able to deal with shit. A year of therapy every week to two weeks has helped with that, too. Dealt with a lot of shit I sat on for the better part of 20 years, as well as dealt with a lot of stuff that would come up day-to-day.
This year, my therapy is over. I feel so much better, now. I might lose my job, and I can't say that I mind either way- if I lose my job, I lose my money, but I can find a new job, or go back to school, or be free. If I keep this job, fine, it's good money and I like a lot of the people I work with. I hate the job itself, but jobs weren't designed to be loved.
Maybe this year, I will find someone new who will appreciate me for who I am. 2 or 3 months ago, I had a dream where I saw a girl from behind, and the voice in my head said "I will be ready (or possibly you will meet me, I couldn't remember it clearly) in a year or two." Perhaps this will be my year.
I am rambling and it is early in the morning. But those are the thoughts that were on my mind.