The Frog Colonel
I wrote fic! Short thing for the mcsmooch community.
Rating: PG
Word count: 398
Spoilers: None
Rodney stared down at the fat, slimy, disgusting frog with unconcealed horror. "Oh, no no no no no, no. And may I add no? I don't think so."
The frog stared grimly forward, unmoving.
"What'd I tell you about wandering into unmarked Ancient temples by yourself? What'd I say about touching the seemingly-harmless-overgrown-with-shrubbery-phallic pillars? What was item number four, six and seven on the list of 'Things Not to do Off World' that YOU helped me write! Well!?" Rodney's voice had risen steadily and was tinged with hysteria. But oh my God, all he could think was: warts, slime, fly breath.
He took some small measure of comfort from the fact that now, at least, the frog had gone from Stoic and Furious to Stoic and Sulky, which also erased any doubt of what could have really happened (as if the pool of clothing, dog tags, and deadly weaponry that lay a few feet away hadn't been enough).
The frog went kerr-erp in a truly pathetic fashion and looked up at Rodney, front feet shifting, and Rodney scowled. "God. This is a true testament to our lives in the Pegasus galaxy that this isn't even the worst thing that could have happened. To you."
Seeing no point in delaying the inevitable any longer, Rodney carefully lifted the frog from the stone platform with cupped hands, keeping his arms outstretched in front of him as far as possible. The frog weighed about the same as Rodney's desktop mouse and wasn't as cold or as slimy as Rodney had initially feared.
"If you pee on me, Colonel, I'm dropping you into the nearest bog until Teyla and Ronon get back. I'm cutting off your legs and deep frying them to eat with hot sauce. I'm - " The frog went errrr-pppt! and Rodney nearly dropped him because he could almost hear that whine-threat thing that Lt. Col. Touches Everything was so good at.
He slowly, reluctantly, started to reel his arms in until he was nose to nose with the thing, staring into its wide, lidless eyes. Rodney said, "Just so you know, you will never, ever live this down," before he kissed the bastard right on its non-existent lips.
And it was only as he felt the weight in his hands rapidly increasing, and the not-quite-cold-or-all-that-slimy becoming warm-and-kinda-squishy before he remembered: clothes. In a pile. On the floor.
Rodney didn't know why they even had a list.
Rating: PG
Word count: 398
Spoilers: None
Rodney stared down at the fat, slimy, disgusting frog with unconcealed horror. "Oh, no no no no no, no. And may I add no? I don't think so."
The frog stared grimly forward, unmoving.
"What'd I tell you about wandering into unmarked Ancient temples by yourself? What'd I say about touching the seemingly-harmless-overgrown-with-shrubbery-phallic pillars? What was item number four, six and seven on the list of 'Things Not to do Off World' that YOU helped me write! Well!?" Rodney's voice had risen steadily and was tinged with hysteria. But oh my God, all he could think was: warts, slime, fly breath.
He took some small measure of comfort from the fact that now, at least, the frog had gone from Stoic and Furious to Stoic and Sulky, which also erased any doubt of what could have really happened (as if the pool of clothing, dog tags, and deadly weaponry that lay a few feet away hadn't been enough).
The frog went kerr-erp in a truly pathetic fashion and looked up at Rodney, front feet shifting, and Rodney scowled. "God. This is a true testament to our lives in the Pegasus galaxy that this isn't even the worst thing that could have happened. To you."
Seeing no point in delaying the inevitable any longer, Rodney carefully lifted the frog from the stone platform with cupped hands, keeping his arms outstretched in front of him as far as possible. The frog weighed about the same as Rodney's desktop mouse and wasn't as cold or as slimy as Rodney had initially feared.
"If you pee on me, Colonel, I'm dropping you into the nearest bog until Teyla and Ronon get back. I'm cutting off your legs and deep frying them to eat with hot sauce. I'm - " The frog went errrr-pppt! and Rodney nearly dropped him because he could almost hear that whine-threat thing that Lt. Col. Touches Everything was so good at.
He slowly, reluctantly, started to reel his arms in until he was nose to nose with the thing, staring into its wide, lidless eyes. Rodney said, "Just so you know, you will never, ever live this down," before he kissed the bastard right on its non-existent lips.
And it was only as he felt the weight in his hands rapidly increasing, and the not-quite-cold-or-all-that-slimy becoming warm-and-kinda-squishy before he remembered: clothes. In a pile. On the floor.
Rodney didn't know why they even had a list.