Days of Grace Chapter 01
CHAPTER ONE
Sunnydale was no more. It was worse than a ghost town, because there wasn’t even a trace of the town any longer, only a black crater that stretched for miles.
There were no attempts to resurrect it, no misguided bureaucratic efforts to fill in the crater-deep gouge in the earth. The highways that used to pass through Sunnydale were simply rerouted. Maps were redrawn to reflect the new roads. It was as if everyone sensed, this time around, that it was better to stay away.
People began to forget that there used to be a place called Sunnydale. Only a clear hard look at the lay of the land might reveal the outline of a road that branched off strangely from the current route and seemed to lead to nowhere.
That is, unless you used to live in Sunnydale. Or you were actually looking for it.
A lone car, which used to be red but was now gray-white with dust, turned from the highway and followed the near-invisible road. Although it was slow, it never faltered from its chosen route. After several minutes, it came to a stop.
A door popped open, and a slim woman in her late twenties emerged, dressed in a loose blouse and dark jeans. The wind came up and tossed her long, red hair. She ignored it, and walked forward purposefully ... until she was standing at the edge of the gaping maw that used to be Sunnydale.
Showing no fear of the deep black pit, she planted her feet firmly on the stony ground. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky. With hands outstretched, she began to speak.
Oh Goddess
There is great sadness
A cherished one has gone
The wind blew again, stirring dust. This time when it parted, it revealed another girl in shirt, jacket and jeans. She was younger and taller, her long dark hair flowing past her shoulders. She stopped in her tracks, surprised that there was someone else. She hitched her backpack across her shoulders uncertainly. When she recognized the figure ahead, she briefly warred with an impulse to leave. Why should I, she thought resentfully.
Emptiness engulfs me
Loss languishes within
Help me bear this grief
The redheaded woman continued to chant softly, but her words, and the heartfelt ache in them, carried easily across the pervading silence.
Accompany their spirit
Comfort we who grieve
Let us rejoice in their life
The newcomer approached reluctantly. However annoyed she was at this turn of events, she was still drawn by the ritual. Like the woman, she had also had friends and family who’d never left Sunnydale. She bowed her head respectfully.
May their essence be recorded
In the Great Book of Shadows
Renew our remembrance with joy.
The woman opened her shimmering green eyes and gazed at the torn land below. “Hey, baby,” she called out gently. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to visit. I was away, had to finish some things. I even wrote a book, would you believe it? Remember how we always said some of the old stuff could use an update? Well, I tried. I wish I could show it you ...” She took a deep breath. “I still miss you, but you probably know that. Rest well. Be at peace.”
The girl froze, knowing who those words were addressed to. She looked away, feeling like she was intruding on a private moment.
By the time she looked back, Willow had stepped away from the edge of the crater and was facing her. “Hi, Dawnie,” the hacker/witch greeted warmly.
But the girl wasn’t ready to forgive her, not yet. “I thought you were in England,” she said stiffly.
“I just got back. Stepped off a plane two days ago and everything.”
“That stuff you were chanting, it was ... nice,” Dawn admitted stiltedly. “What was it?”
“It’s called the Prayer of Passage,” Willow replied. “I thought Tara would like it.”
“I guess.” The younger girl fiddled with her backpack. “You do this often?”
“Whenever I get the chance.”
“I didn’t see you last year.” Now her tone was accusing.
Willow shook her head. She knew that Dawn was referring to the yearly trek the Scoobies made to Sunnydale, but she’d been in England by then. “I came earlier. I don’t go on set days, just whenever I can, or when it feels like I should.”
“Why?”
That earned a raised eyebrow. “Why?” the witch repeated.
“Yeah,” the girl insisted, “why? I know why Buffy, Xander and I go. Anya, Tara and Mom,” her voice broke a bit, “and our old house, they’re all under there somewhere. But you? I thought this was all the past to you. Part of what you left behind.”
“Dawn.” Willow’s tone was incredulous. “Tara’s grave is here, and yes, Joyce’s and Anya’s too. You’re really surprised that I’d drop by and say hello?”
The brunette looked away. “I guess not.”
The hacker stared at her for a second. Then she sighed. “Okay, this is just silly. For awhile now - and by awhile I mean years - you’ve been angry with me. I’ll be the first to say you’ve got reason. I nearly got you killed once, and then I went for you when I was all dark eyes. But when I came back from England the first time, I thought we were okay. Then you went all stony cold again after we fought the First. Are you ever going to tell me what I did to piss you off?”
For a second, Dawn was again tempted to simply take off. Just leave without answering. Then she muttered, “Kennedy.”
The woman’s eyes went wide. “You like Kennedy?!”
“NO! No no no - a world of no’s!” was the horrified, vehement denial. “But you do!”
“And this is news to you?” Willow asked, confused. “I know I haven’t been around much, but it has been a few years since Kennedy and I got together, not to mention ...”
“You mean, since you left us for her!” Dawn cut her off. She squared her shoulders, finally free to make the accusation. “I actually believed it, you know, all that bull about us being a family ... until you left to move into one of Kennedy’s houses with its two dozen wings! We see Faith more than you.”
“The house in the Hamptons doesn’t have wings,” the hacker denied defensively. Oh nice going, Rosenberg. Completely fell into that one. “And Faith comes around whenever she needs to lie low. I didn’t leave because of Kennedy. That was so totally not the point.”
“Oh really?” The younger girl crossed her arms over her chest. “So why did you leave?”
“Well because ...” Willow paused, frowning. “Fine, so Kennedy was partly the point,” she conceded reluctantly, “but it had nothing to do with the fact that her house has wings!” Like her, the revelation of how rich Kennedy’s family was had thrown Buffy and the other Scoobies for awhile. Except for Giles, of course; as a Watcher he’d known already. “Look, if we’re going to talk about this, can we at least sit down? I have a nice thermos of extra warm mocha in the car. Speaking of which, how’d you get here?”
Now it was brunette’s turn to look uncomfortable. “I ... rode the bus.”
“The bus doesn’t pass through here. Former Hellmouth apparently not a tourist destination. That’s why I rented a car.”
Of course she’d check first, Dawn groaned inwardly. She’d forgotten how organized the witch could be. She was busted. “Well, the bus stops at the next town. From there, I sort of ... hitchhiked.”
“And Buffy’s okay with this?” Willow asked in disbelief.
“She ... doesn’t know I’m here.”
For a second, the woman just stared at her. Then she laughed. “Oh Goddess, some things never change! Come on, I’ll call Buffy and tell her you’re with me. Let’s get some food. How do you feel about diner food? I think I passed one on the way here. I haven’t eaten at a diner in ages.”
Dawn followed quietly. Although she was in her bare twenties now and about to graduate, Buffy would still have a cow if she thought her younger sister was deliberately putting herself in danger. Since Buffy was finally allowing Dawn to patrol without her (though she still had to be with Xander or one of the new Slayers), that was the last thing the younger woman wanted. Taking off for the former Hellmouth without any precautions? Buffy would have her hide.
So without protesting too much, the girl followed Willow to the car. They found a nice quiet diner in the next town. She let Willow buy her coffee and a sandwich, and graciously waited long enough for the woman to finish her call and the food before continuing to interrogate her.
“So why did you leave?”
Willow cradled her coffee. It was really quaint, the way diners served coffee in cups. Too bad they didn’t offer mochas. “Kennedy wanted to show me all these new things, new places, and I eventually ran out of reasons not to. Sunnydale was gone, but there’re other Hellmouthy places, and you know Kennedy’s one of the few Slayers with the resources to go anywhere she’s needed. We went everywhere, Europe, the Pacific, lots of little islands. It was a great learning experience because you know me, California girl most of my life. But mainly? I wanted us to have a fair chance,” she revealed. “Kennedy knows that Tara will always be a huge part of my life, but to be around everyone who knew Tara ... well, a lot of people were comparing Kennedy to Tara, and not in a favorable way. It wasn’t helping. Plus, Buffy’s never been too thrilled with Kennedy.”
The redhead recalled the times she’d had to referee between her best friend and her girlfriend. It had been very much like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. “I mean, it’s not exactly un-understandable. They’re both stubborn. They were butting heads from the second Giles brought Kennedy to the house. Which is a pity, because Kennedy really respects Buffy. Just not enough to toe the line and keep her mouth shut. She’s not that kind of girl. It’s all those take charge Slayer genes.”
“She’s like Faith,” Dawn muttered.
The comparison gave the witch pause. The idea of falling for someone resembling the troublesome Slayer she’d actively disliked for most of her life was ... mental eww. “`Course not!” she denied quickly. “Faith’s more with the homicidal, and Kennedy doesn’t have that many notches on her belt. I think.”
Her companion just gave her a look.
Willow sighed. “Dawn, I’m sorry my going hit you hard. I didn’t know. By the time I left you were hardly talking to me. I spoke with Buffy and Xander about leaving, and they were fine with it. I don’t know if I can explain how difficult it was for Kennedy. She went through a lot to be with me. Bad enough that I turned into Warren the first time she kissed me - yes, that’s what really happened back then. I was wracked with guilt because I let her kiss me and you know ... enjoyed it.” She bit her lip. “I bought a gun, do you know that? I got the exact model Warren used to shoot Buffy and Tara. I found Kennedy in the garden, and pointed it straight at her.”
Dawn stared at her in disbelief. Willow with a gun? “What happened?”
“Kennedy.” The hacker smiled briefly. “Amy’s hex was turning me into Warren. Kennedy kept her head, and her questions led me back to myself, and to Tara ... I ended up on my knees, begging Tara to come back to me. Now, normally a girl screaming for her former lover is, hello, huge ‘back off’ sign, but Kennedy just kissed me again and helped me shake the hex off. And that was just our first date!” she exclaimed. “How many people do you think would even stick around after a bizarro meltdown like that? The rest you pretty much know.”
“Yeah, ‘... fun in a my-girlfriend-has-a-pierced-tongue kind of way,’” Dawn remembered, making the older woman redden. She fiddled with her coffee. “Guess I can’t really hate her then,” she said grudgingly.
“Why should you hate her?” Willow asked in surprise. “Those months after we escaped Sunnydale, I thought you were angry at me.”
“Not at you. At Kennedy and you.”
“Oh.” The witch turned that over in her head for a few seconds. “Oh.”
“I ...” Dawn grimaced. “Okay, this is going to be intensely embarrassing for a few minutes. You and Tara, what you had together? That’s what I want for myself one day.”
Whatever Willow had been expecting, it wasn’t that. “Dawnie, that’s sweet. But you’re ...?”
“Straight, yes. With what looks like the Summers’ bent for falling for the wrong guy. Did Buffy ever pull the cookie dough analogy on you?” she asked wryly. “Never mind. The important thing is I looked up to what you and Tara had. It’s not hard to understand why. I mean, my parents divorced, and Riley left Buffy just when I was getting to know him. Xander and Anya - don’t get me wrong, I was all for them, but that was pretty much a ‘something only they could pull off’ scenario. Then there was Buffy and Spike, but that was always, um, complicated. But you and Tara?” Dawn smiled, just thinking about the way things used to be. “You talked, you supported each other, you hardly argued. Which is probably why I had belly rumblings whenever you guys fought. It’s just, most of the time the two of you were, I dunno, in synch? There was no doubt that the pair of you were meant to be forever if Tara hadn’t ...” she stumbled. “And well ... you guys looked after me.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” she rushed, not wanting Willow to misunderstand. “I wouldn’t trade having a sister like Buffy for anything. But she’s the Slayer, and sometimes there was no time, and at other times there was a Big Bad to deal with first. Then there were the months she was gone, and when she came back it felt like she didn’t want to have anything to do with me.” Dawn sighed. Those had been unpleasant times. “I never got that from you and Tara. You never made me feel like I was in the way, even when I was in the way. The two of you were always patient, and you made me feel ... loved. Well, except for the time you got addicted and crashed the car. Oh and that other time you threatened to turn me back into a crackling ball of energy.”
“Oh well, you know, temporary lapse of evilness,” Willow mumbled apologetically as the rush of memories hit her. It was true that she and Tara had taken the lonely teenager under their wing for awhile, not because of any conscious decision, but because the girl seemed to need it. In a way, because of who they were and who they’d been, they’d understood the youngest Summers a bit more in those days than Buffy had. “Dawnie, you know we’ll always love you, right? Even if you go all silent treatment on us. Even if you throw rocks. Which I hope you never will, but if you do ...”
“I know.” The girl smiled at the beginning babble. It was starting to hit her how much she’d missed the hacker/witch, missed that incredible mind that skipped, hopped and leapt, and the words that struggled to follow. “Tara and you belonged together, and Tara was the most understanding, sweetest person I’ve ever known. Even when you guys broke up, she was always checking on me. And the day you got back together! Oh that was the best day ever! Then one day I came home, and Tara was sprawled on the floor ...” Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t continue.
“Oh Dawn.” The redhead’s eyes, too, were bright with tears. “Buffy told me, you know. How you stayed with Tara, how they found you huddled in a corner of our room. You were so scared, but you didn’t leave her because you didn’t want her to be alone. While I - oh Goddess, I was such a fool!” Willow burst out as old recriminations and regrets returned. “All I could see was my anger and my pain! How could I leave her there, even for revenge?”