Sunday Evenings !

[days_in_my_life]

well i spent today with my father. we went & saw bourne ultimatum at the lake mary theatre. it was a very good movie, the whole sequel was. i love movies that make you think, movies that the audience has to figure out & put the pieces together. im so good at it ! even my dad is impressed with my skill. something to look into for a future career maybe ..? movie critic. or i could be an cia agent. hmm maybe a little too risky. it would be fun though. but you would have to live by "trusting no one." i mightt have a problem with that. anyways. then after the movie we went to subway. sat, ate, & talked. that place is where we have our deepest talks, the most intellectual ones where we both learn alot about eachother. without those i dont think id have the good relationship i have with my father. im so much like him it sometimes scares me. we think alike. we act alike. im him in so many ways. im glad because deep down hes a good man & he is very smart. i hope my intelligence gets me far in the long-run. i really think that is my deepest fear, maybe it isnt dying. maybe its failing, because then once one fails - doesnt it feel like death? or maybe its worst than death. because once you fail its like you never lived at all & maybe one can become more stable & ready for the end. everyone wants to succeed but how far will one go for that? would they be willing to give up everything & everyONE around them, even the family their taught to stand by no matter what? i have a really good heart which i get from my mother. i dont think i could do those kinda things. im not one to betray either. or even lie. im not good at it. but i can detect lies right away. alot of people think im not smart enough to sense bullshit. little do they know. thank you dad for teaching me not to trust after the trust is broken. it honestly has helped me grow & watch out for myself. i read people so well. which can be a good or bad thing. its good because im well protected even if i have no one around me to protect me. but its bad because it doesnt give me the opporunity to get truly hurt because i expect things to happen. i know im not stupid. thats why i get over things so well. or maybe i dont. maybe they just get buried. & someday ill explode with anger & resentment to whoever.

-sigh-
change of subject.

cubs are one game out. wish them luck. if they do good, itll be a great ending to this memorable year. 2007 has changed me so much. the irony in it cracks me up.
& college fball starts in 3 weeks. GO GATORS ! i hope they do good too this upcoming year. maybe ill get out there to see a game. maybe not, money will be tight on my end. im thinking maybe not spend on a lancer. i should just take the malibu. im thinking its free on my part. what if i need the 10 for after valencia. if i decide to be a vet then i must go to UF. thats a move & an apartment i can not afford. questions questions & problems. thats all i ever deal with.

well. im calling it a night. listening to taylor & gonna watch a little tv, then hit the sheets.

work tomorrow 2 to close. second to last day at that shithole which used to hold a lot of good memories.

it will surprisingly be missed. & so will everyone there.

<3