Eternity in Half-Life pt 4
Eternity in Half-Life (formerly untitled Perceptor series)
Rating: PG
Warnings: nothing too horribly angsty this chapter, but you might keep the tissues handy, just in case.
Summary: after the deaths of his bondmates, Perceptor must find a way to move on.
Notes: this installment of the series takes place roughly a month after "Despair", which can be found here and here.
“Perceptor?”
The scientist forced himself to look up when Hoist spoke. “Yes?”
The other mech was holding a large crate toward him. “I was going through the remains of the old labs and found this. It has your name on it.”
“My name?” Perceptor stood and walked over to Hoist. “Where did you find it?”
“Skyfire’s workroom.” The maintenance mech handed over the container with an expression that was close to sympathy.
The scientist almost dropped the crate. “Skyfire’s workroom?”
“Yes.” Hoist clearly wasn’t sure what else he should say; Skyfire was still a touchy subject with Perceptor--more so than Ratchet and Wheeljack, even.
Perceptor set the crate on his worktable--the table that was still distressingly empty, but he just couldn’t find it in him to work on any personal projects yet--carefully.
“There was a data pad, too.” Hoist set it next to the crate. “I didn’t read it, but he left your name on it, too.”
“Thank you.” He couldn’t quite get his optics to focus as he tried to sort the new jumble of thoughts in his head.
“Do… Do you need me to stay?”
“I--” Perceptor wasn’t sure if he did, but when he looked up at the other mech, Hoist looked so sincere--and more than a little concerned--that he relented. “Yes. It might help.”
It might not help either; he was still too raw and wounded from the pain of Skyfire leaving him when he needed his friends the most. With trembling fingers, he activated the datapad.
Perceptor,
I know it won’t make sense when you find out that I’ve gone. I couldn’t find the words to explain it, though. Not even to myself. Starscream would have been able to think of something, but I was never good with words at all.
I think that you and Jazz are the strongest mechs I know. Somehow, you’re surviving without the ones you loved the most and I am not. I didn’t even know I still cared so deeply for Star until he was gone. And that is why I had to go; I cannot burden you with my grief and the rest of the camp is full of strangers. I have to make peace with myself and with my feelings for Star and I couldn’t do it on Earth.
I know that will hurt you. I’m so sorry.
Someday, I hope that we meet again and that you can forgive me for abandoning you.
Skyfire
The scientist dropped the datapad onto the table next to the crate and covered his face with his hands. Skyfire had known how badly he would be hurt and he had still just left him. That it had been a knowing desertion doubled the pain.
“Shh…” He wasn’t even aware that he was making any kind of noise until Hoist wrapped his arms around him and hushed him. “You’re not alone, Perceptor.”
He still wondered about that, but he couldn’t argue the point while being held by his crewmate. For the first time since Ratchet and Wheeljack deactivated, Perceptor let himself be comforted by another mech.
Rating: PG
Warnings: nothing too horribly angsty this chapter, but you might keep the tissues handy, just in case.
Summary: after the deaths of his bondmates, Perceptor must find a way to move on.
Notes: this installment of the series takes place roughly a month after "Despair", which can be found here and here.
“Perceptor?”
The scientist forced himself to look up when Hoist spoke. “Yes?”
The other mech was holding a large crate toward him. “I was going through the remains of the old labs and found this. It has your name on it.”
“My name?” Perceptor stood and walked over to Hoist. “Where did you find it?”
“Skyfire’s workroom.” The maintenance mech handed over the container with an expression that was close to sympathy.
The scientist almost dropped the crate. “Skyfire’s workroom?”
“Yes.” Hoist clearly wasn’t sure what else he should say; Skyfire was still a touchy subject with Perceptor--more so than Ratchet and Wheeljack, even.
Perceptor set the crate on his worktable--the table that was still distressingly empty, but he just couldn’t find it in him to work on any personal projects yet--carefully.
“There was a data pad, too.” Hoist set it next to the crate. “I didn’t read it, but he left your name on it, too.”
“Thank you.” He couldn’t quite get his optics to focus as he tried to sort the new jumble of thoughts in his head.
“Do… Do you need me to stay?”
“I--” Perceptor wasn’t sure if he did, but when he looked up at the other mech, Hoist looked so sincere--and more than a little concerned--that he relented. “Yes. It might help.”
It might not help either; he was still too raw and wounded from the pain of Skyfire leaving him when he needed his friends the most. With trembling fingers, he activated the datapad.
Perceptor,
I know it won’t make sense when you find out that I’ve gone. I couldn’t find the words to explain it, though. Not even to myself. Starscream would have been able to think of something, but I was never good with words at all.
I think that you and Jazz are the strongest mechs I know. Somehow, you’re surviving without the ones you loved the most and I am not. I didn’t even know I still cared so deeply for Star until he was gone. And that is why I had to go; I cannot burden you with my grief and the rest of the camp is full of strangers. I have to make peace with myself and with my feelings for Star and I couldn’t do it on Earth.
I know that will hurt you. I’m so sorry.
Someday, I hope that we meet again and that you can forgive me for abandoning you.
Skyfire
The scientist dropped the datapad onto the table next to the crate and covered his face with his hands. Skyfire had known how badly he would be hurt and he had still just left him. That it had been a knowing desertion doubled the pain.
“Shh…” He wasn’t even aware that he was making any kind of noise until Hoist wrapped his arms around him and hushed him. “You’re not alone, Perceptor.”
He still wondered about that, but he couldn’t argue the point while being held by his crewmate. For the first time since Ratchet and Wheeljack deactivated, Perceptor let himself be comforted by another mech.