Sigh
Old fears have come up again.
I find myself alone a lot.
For some odd reason I hang around my step dad.
My therapist gave me a self soothing packet because I told her I just wasn't happy when I get home from school. (or any time really)
Which I love leaving school but I'm alone then so yeah..
My unhappiness leads to self destructing things.
She also told me it might be time to start medication for my depression.
I have to talk to my mom, which at the time I thought would be easy...but I can't do it right now.
Idk but the faster I tell her the faster comes chemical happiness (maybe?)
Problem is I have to see a Doctor, ugh.
I feel bad though, my therapist doesn't even know the half of my destruction.
If I told her what happened Monday I might of been sitting in a psych-ward right now.
lol odd
But I don't think I'll ever go, too much money, and I never tell anyone just how much damage I've done, nor do they find out.
Sure on here I might say I cut, but does anybody but me know how much, or how deep?
Nope.
I'm more of the suffer in silence and let everyone else around me continue to be happy type.
I feel terrible because I know what I've done, hurt someone close to me.
What I've done is selfish.
He doesn't belong to me does he?
I've never had one, but I don't deserve one.
I can see it in the look of her eyes, and the little comments here and there.
It won't last long, I know it.
Fuck it.
I find myself alone a lot.
For some odd reason I hang around my step dad.
My therapist gave me a self soothing packet because I told her I just wasn't happy when I get home from school. (or any time really)
Which I love leaving school but I'm alone then so yeah..
My unhappiness leads to self destructing things.
She also told me it might be time to start medication for my depression.
I have to talk to my mom, which at the time I thought would be easy...but I can't do it right now.
Idk but the faster I tell her the faster comes chemical happiness (maybe?)
Problem is I have to see a Doctor, ugh.
I feel bad though, my therapist doesn't even know the half of my destruction.
If I told her what happened Monday I might of been sitting in a psych-ward right now.
lol odd
But I don't think I'll ever go, too much money, and I never tell anyone just how much damage I've done, nor do they find out.
Sure on here I might say I cut, but does anybody but me know how much, or how deep?
Nope.
I'm more of the suffer in silence and let everyone else around me continue to be happy type.
I feel terrible because I know what I've done, hurt someone close to me.
What I've done is selfish.
He doesn't belong to me does he?
I've never had one, but I don't deserve one.
I can see it in the look of her eyes, and the little comments here and there.
It won't last long, I know it.
Fuck it.