prayers welcome.
DISCLAIMER: this is a public entry. no you're not reading that wrong, it's actually public... meaning anyone and everyone can read it. ...and they should. it's out of the ordinary, that should be your first sign that this is big.
ok guys listen up... AND READ THE ENTIRE ENTRY... this will quite possibly be the absolute *hardest* entry i will *ever* have to write... i need all the support i can possibly get right now. i'll explain everything that's been happening. and i mean everything, and there's been a lot of life altering/shocking/shattering things going on. MOST IMPORTANTLY I NEED PRAYERS. you'll see why.
i haven't kept in touch with anyone this past semester and i'm sorry, but there's been reasons, there's just been SO much going on in my life that everything else seemed so insignificant.
it all started around february. refer to previous entries for more details. i lost my great aunt to a car accident, and my grandfather to diabetic shock, just to name two. on top of all that i was failing miserably at school, everyone at USP or around it was just pissing me off and i relied pretty much on ash and chris on a daily basis to get me through. ...pretty soon i lost touch with them as well. somewhere around april i pretty much gave up on the world, there was no sort of release that was doing me any good, and i was one step away from AA when i realized i had started drinking before noon being out till 3 the night before. while all of this was happening things at home were worse than they've ever been, parents on my back because i was an emotional wreck, my nerves were shot, and i was one test away from failing out of school, not my major, not the program, not just the class, but school. this was a fabulous situation considering my mother is getting ready to finish an adult bachelor's program at Neumann to up her degree. she has all A's... in ethics, spanish, and theology :/ wonderful. i tried to find some sort of help for all of this, my academic advisor sucks and didn't even care to mention to me that if i failed this class i'd be out. so i went beyond her directly to the dean of pharmacy. after ten thousand meetings i had on top of the crappy test scheduling USP threw at me i decided that i couldn't just kill myself to get my GPA back up. i applied for a medical leave of absence, which i found out friday was approved. what that means is that i officially withdraw this current semester, well the one that just ended, and take the summer and fall off. i then go back to repeat this spring semester, next spring. that puts me a full year behind. i couldn't just take a year off, because that would do me absolutely no good at all, if i had come back in another year, i still would've failed out. this gives me a second chance.
now i didn't find out the leave was approved until a couple of days ago. since before easter my mother has been going in and out of countless doctors offices and hospital visits for different tests. she has anxiety, and of course with lovely genetics she passed that down to me, but she also complained of lower abdominal pain. still i basically didnt think anything of it, just common symptoms, until my dad kept stressing the issue of "she's waiting for results" and "there's going to be more tests just to make sure..." That gap in my mind was saying there's nothing wrong, she's just exaggerating like always. i was wrong... very very wrong. somewhere around last friday when i had my concert, my dad brought my clothes down and broke the news to me that my mother needed a hysterectomy and that she was scared. i'm thinking 'ok, fine, she's a little scared, it's a routine procedure, she'll be okay.' that was the case until last night when i came home. i know my parents were always bad at telling me things, but honestly. my mom sent my dad to the store and sat me down. she looked upset and asked for a big hug and said that the two of us would need each other for at least the next couple of weeks. i told her that i already knew that she needed surgery and that everything was going to be ok. she told me not to get upset, and not to get scared, that she was diagnosed with cancer. uterine cancer to be exact. BUT there is hope. they found a thickening in the uterine wall, and just the uterine wall. the hysterectomy has the potential to completely get rid of the cancer completely, provided the cells don't pass through the wall, thus staying contained. that's what we all need to pray for: the containment of these cells.
i know. me, of all people in the world asking for prayers? it's times like these where you really need to think. going into a presumably medical field i guess i've lost sight of that. the surgery is tentative, but basically asap. she's going in for more tests monday for something unrelated, which actually puts a bug in the works for her walking in graduation (Neumann has gay rules like villa where if you're .2 seconds late for practice you're not allowed to graduate.) After the results come back for that test then we can schedule the hysterectomy which should take place by the end of may.
my family needs all the support we can get right now. please keep my mother in your prayers.
ok guys listen up... AND READ THE ENTIRE ENTRY... this will quite possibly be the absolute *hardest* entry i will *ever* have to write... i need all the support i can possibly get right now. i'll explain everything that's been happening. and i mean everything, and there's been a lot of life altering/shocking/shattering things going on. MOST IMPORTANTLY I NEED PRAYERS. you'll see why.
i haven't kept in touch with anyone this past semester and i'm sorry, but there's been reasons, there's just been SO much going on in my life that everything else seemed so insignificant.
it all started around february. refer to previous entries for more details. i lost my great aunt to a car accident, and my grandfather to diabetic shock, just to name two. on top of all that i was failing miserably at school, everyone at USP or around it was just pissing me off and i relied pretty much on ash and chris on a daily basis to get me through. ...pretty soon i lost touch with them as well. somewhere around april i pretty much gave up on the world, there was no sort of release that was doing me any good, and i was one step away from AA when i realized i had started drinking before noon being out till 3 the night before. while all of this was happening things at home were worse than they've ever been, parents on my back because i was an emotional wreck, my nerves were shot, and i was one test away from failing out of school, not my major, not the program, not just the class, but school. this was a fabulous situation considering my mother is getting ready to finish an adult bachelor's program at Neumann to up her degree. she has all A's... in ethics, spanish, and theology :/ wonderful. i tried to find some sort of help for all of this, my academic advisor sucks and didn't even care to mention to me that if i failed this class i'd be out. so i went beyond her directly to the dean of pharmacy. after ten thousand meetings i had on top of the crappy test scheduling USP threw at me i decided that i couldn't just kill myself to get my GPA back up. i applied for a medical leave of absence, which i found out friday was approved. what that means is that i officially withdraw this current semester, well the one that just ended, and take the summer and fall off. i then go back to repeat this spring semester, next spring. that puts me a full year behind. i couldn't just take a year off, because that would do me absolutely no good at all, if i had come back in another year, i still would've failed out. this gives me a second chance.
now i didn't find out the leave was approved until a couple of days ago. since before easter my mother has been going in and out of countless doctors offices and hospital visits for different tests. she has anxiety, and of course with lovely genetics she passed that down to me, but she also complained of lower abdominal pain. still i basically didnt think anything of it, just common symptoms, until my dad kept stressing the issue of "she's waiting for results" and "there's going to be more tests just to make sure..." That gap in my mind was saying there's nothing wrong, she's just exaggerating like always. i was wrong... very very wrong. somewhere around last friday when i had my concert, my dad brought my clothes down and broke the news to me that my mother needed a hysterectomy and that she was scared. i'm thinking 'ok, fine, she's a little scared, it's a routine procedure, she'll be okay.' that was the case until last night when i came home. i know my parents were always bad at telling me things, but honestly. my mom sent my dad to the store and sat me down. she looked upset and asked for a big hug and said that the two of us would need each other for at least the next couple of weeks. i told her that i already knew that she needed surgery and that everything was going to be ok. she told me not to get upset, and not to get scared, that she was diagnosed with cancer. uterine cancer to be exact. BUT there is hope. they found a thickening in the uterine wall, and just the uterine wall. the hysterectomy has the potential to completely get rid of the cancer completely, provided the cells don't pass through the wall, thus staying contained. that's what we all need to pray for: the containment of these cells.
i know. me, of all people in the world asking for prayers? it's times like these where you really need to think. going into a presumably medical field i guess i've lost sight of that. the surgery is tentative, but basically asap. she's going in for more tests monday for something unrelated, which actually puts a bug in the works for her walking in graduation (Neumann has gay rules like villa where if you're .2 seconds late for practice you're not allowed to graduate.) After the results come back for that test then we can schedule the hysterectomy which should take place by the end of may.
my family needs all the support we can get right now. please keep my mother in your prayers.