Dearly Beloved (chapter 3)
I am very, very happy to hear all of your praises and words of encouragement. It makes my day (altogether) brighter, since... my life is not the best. My friends at school and my family have noticed my attitude difference, and have begun to question why I am always in such a good mood. ^^ Not that I was not an overly happy person before, but now... it is almost impossible to make me frown... I said almost, so... something has to have broken the barrier.
Putting aside all the depressing stuff (because I do not want to bore you all away before the chapter is even posted...) I present to you: Chapter 3 of Dearly Beloved.
Previously:
( Prologue)
( So Much For The Wedding Night)
( The Act Of Preparing)
New:
Chapter Three: The Spaces In Between
How long has it been since I was kidnapped? A month? I am not sure anymore. The days have blurred along with my eyes, and they smear together in a watery mess. My mother said I looked paler than normal, but she does not worry about herself. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I not agreed to fill in. I guess the blame can be placed on me… I have been doing it for years.
Do not look at me like I am crazy. It is already bad enough that you sit there and just write down everything I say. You are not my therapist, you can talk to me. Make me feel less like some weird guy on the street talking to myself.
But maybe I am weird… I guess you would think so, too. I bet you do, you just do not want to make me feel bad. It is okay, you can say it. No? I will say it for you then…
I am seriously fucked up, and it is all that jackass Yunho’s fault.
I bet you are tired of this and waiting for me to get on with my story. That is what you are getting paid for after all. You would not even be here if it was not your god damn job. Humor the fucked up boy and make a half-ass report about the weeks he had to go through, then when some new shit happens you will all forget about me and go on to the next big thing.
How do you even know that I am telling the truth? I could be making this shit up and you would never know the difference. I could have been making these guys up and just trying to please those assholes you work for and give them the story that they want. For all you know, I was drunk off of my ass in a ditch for all those weeks and Yunho, Yoochun, even Junsu could have been figments of my imagination conjured in my inebriated state of mind.
No, I guess I would have to have a very creative mind to come up with those kinds of people. They are real. They are real. They are real. I think maybe if I keep saying that he… I… never mind.
I will start with the story now.
I last left off on that night. Nothing really eventful happened, we slept. That is all. Well, Yunho and I had only slept, but I am not too sure what happened between Su and Chun. It was weird as I look back to that first night, not because I was sleeping in a different place, but I felt safe with Yunho beside me.
At one point I remember just staring at him, tracing the lines of his face with my eyes. He was such a nice man, and I could not help but wonder how he had ended up becoming a kidnapper. I highly doubted at the time that it was his career in life, but it still did not make sense. Why were they trying to kidnap my sister? Why had they wanted to crash the wedding?
Then my mind took a different train of thought and I began to panic over the what if’s that would come after. Would charges be pressed against them? Would I ever see them again? Would I ever get to see Yunho again? Would I have to explain in full detail what had happened from the time of my kidnapping to the time I had returned home?
As you can see, some things did turn out like that. This is why I do not like this. This is why I wished it could all go back to that day they asked me to stand-in for Ji Hye. This is the exact reason why I wished that I had told my father “Go to hell” and walk away. From this, from you, from my family, and especially… from myself.
I am so stupid. I hate you for making me act this way--all because of some fucked up kidnapping that ended up becoming so much more and now my head hurts. And I hate you. And I hate me. And I hate my father. And I hate myself for behaving like this and having to feel this way everyday… Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. All you do is sit there and write down exactly what I say, and I feel like I am sick--going crazy, going out of my mind, and God, help me.
…… I am so sorry. So sorry. So sorry… I do not mean to cry. I will continue for the sake of your job and your health.
Moving right along then…
I awoke sometime the next morning, my nose buried into Yunho’s collar, his chin atop my head and arms wound around me. I cannot recall a more comfortable position, and I definitely did not want to reenact this moment with anyone else. Ever. I felt so small compared to him, and somehow I began to feel as though we fit together. Him with his beautiful face and his black hair tickling my nose, smelling like something that could only be associated with home and I just wanted to bury my face in the black tresses, tangle my fingers against his scalp and breathe him in, in ways that I had never thought possible.
But I have never thought about things like that before. I never took time to notice others around me, since they never paid much attention to me either. My mother and father were too busy showering Ji Hye with all of their money and love. Ji Hye would always try to explain it to me, her face red with embarrassment as she talked about the people she had met and the things she had done. She told me how her first time was, that she was so in love with the boy and he was with her, and that it was so beautiful and magical, saying that I would understand when I found a girl for me.
Honestly, at the time and now, girls were not really on my mind.
I found it funny, though. I had just met Yunho, but it seemed as though I had known him for sometime before. We instantly clicked in my head, fitting together like pieces of puzzles that my mother and I had done when I was many years younger. I think, if someone would have spewed this sappy shit to me before Ji Hye ran away, I would have laughed my ass off.
I never expected that the man who kidnapped me would end up being the love of my life.
It was comical, nonsensical, irrational… Too many reasons screaming at me why I should not feel that way for him, but instead of yielding to the signs and turning back, I drove right through and practically ended up careening down the side of a cliff. Rock bottom.
And I could not have been any happier, grinning like an idiot as I crashed into a mangled heap in his heart.
I do not know what caused me to leave that room that morning, but I do remember walking in on Yoochun and Junsu trying their best to stay away from each other in the cramped apartment. I wondered what had happened between them when I was asleep that caused Yoochun to be constantly smiling and Junsu’s face to become a permanent shade of red. Probably something that ‘scary man’ (as Su had dubbed him) had done, causing my innocent friend to become more corrupted than I had already made him.
“Jaejoong!” Junsu shrieked when he saw me, attacking me mid-yawn with a bone crushing hug. He was acting as if he had not seen me in years. Or maybe I was an excuse to draw his attention away from Yoochun.
“Hi… Jun…su,” I coughed out, my air supply quite short as my friend kept hugging me tighter. I coughed again before wheezing, “Can you… please… let… me go… now?”
He gave me a sheepish smile, his brown eyes catching some of the glow from the partially lit area we were in, but I always felt as though somehow Su was brighter than anything else in the world. He absorbed the sunlight and his cheer rained down on everyone he encountered. Without him in my life, I do not think I would still be here. Junsu was my personal ray of light, my angel, and I cannot last a day without him.
I ruffled his soft brown locks, pulled his glasses halfway down the bridge of his nose, and pinched his cheeks. “You’re too cute to be mad at, Su. I swear that one day, you will be the death of me.”
He giggled--the melodic little laugh that he was known for--the squeaky noise making Yoochun crack a smile that he had tried to hide behind his hand. I had caught it, however, and I felt my smile widen. Su had unknowingly worked his magic on the pervert of our little family (was it wrong for me to call it that?) and captured his heart just by threatening to bite him. If that was not the beginnings of true love, then I do not know what else could even begin to qualify.
I am going to skip ahead a week or so into the story… because, honestly, nothing else really happened that week. We mainly stayed inside Yunho’s apartment, Yoochun and my favorite kidnapper taking turns on going out to find food… Or whatever else they were doing.
Before I knew it, a week had flown by and I found myself on the couch watching a movie with the other three guys. Junsu’s head in my lap, eyes not really focused on the screen but rather Yoochun’s fingers dancing along his thigh. Yoochun seemed rather bored with the movie, with Junsu’s legs thrown over his own, and his hand slowly making odd designs along Junsu’s leg. I had to suppress a laugh at the two of them, my head resting against Yunho’s side as I paid no attention to the movie (that only Yunho seemed to be into) and more on the man I was resting against (as well as the Chun and Su flirting beside me). With his chin propped on top of his right fist, left arm swung around me and fingers twirling my black hair around, silently quoting the movie on the television, I could not help but sigh softly to myself.
We did not seem like two hostages held against their will while their kidnappers tried to decide where to go next. Instead we looked like a group of friends hanging out with each other (or more specifically on a double date). We were the circus family--nothing but a bunch of misfits that had somehow found each other and just clicked. Ranging from the far-too-sweet kidnapper Yunho, to the perverted-kidnapper Yoochun, to my innocent-best-friend-the-superhero Junsu, and to me… the sarcastically-blunt-rich kid.
A part of me wished that this was my real family--forgetting about the Hans altogether. I would have gladly traded all the wealth that I would inherit just to be able to have moments with them again and again. They were the only friends I had ever had… I loved them. More than my father, more than my name, more than my wealth. I would have given everything up just to stay pressed up against Yunho’s body while Yoochun propped himself against me with a semiconscious Junsu in our laps. They were everything that I had ever wanted in life…
But things were soon to change…
As always pictures of the characters and the larger banner are ( here)
Hope everyone enjoyed this little filler-chapter! The next one is where your questions will begin to be answered. There are hints scattered about in subtle places (esp. in Jae's little monologues ^^) Oh, and... please don't assume Jae is crazy--he may seem that way, but I do not think I would be okay if I was him either. You will see more of what I mean later on. Just keep in mind that he is telling some stranger very personal events that he is not too keen on sharing.
Thank you all! You mean so much to me. I do not know when the next update will be, but I will not keep you waiting long. And also, expect to see my newest multi-chaptered story, "Doll Face", very soon. <3
Putting aside all the depressing stuff (because I do not want to bore you all away before the chapter is even posted...) I present to you: Chapter 3 of Dearly Beloved.
Previously:
( Prologue)
( So Much For The Wedding Night)
( The Act Of Preparing)
New:
Chapter Three: The Spaces In Between
How long has it been since I was kidnapped? A month? I am not sure anymore. The days have blurred along with my eyes, and they smear together in a watery mess. My mother said I looked paler than normal, but she does not worry about herself. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I not agreed to fill in. I guess the blame can be placed on me… I have been doing it for years.
Do not look at me like I am crazy. It is already bad enough that you sit there and just write down everything I say. You are not my therapist, you can talk to me. Make me feel less like some weird guy on the street talking to myself.
But maybe I am weird… I guess you would think so, too. I bet you do, you just do not want to make me feel bad. It is okay, you can say it. No? I will say it for you then…
I am seriously fucked up, and it is all that jackass Yunho’s fault.
I bet you are tired of this and waiting for me to get on with my story. That is what you are getting paid for after all. You would not even be here if it was not your god damn job. Humor the fucked up boy and make a half-ass report about the weeks he had to go through, then when some new shit happens you will all forget about me and go on to the next big thing.
How do you even know that I am telling the truth? I could be making this shit up and you would never know the difference. I could have been making these guys up and just trying to please those assholes you work for and give them the story that they want. For all you know, I was drunk off of my ass in a ditch for all those weeks and Yunho, Yoochun, even Junsu could have been figments of my imagination conjured in my inebriated state of mind.
No, I guess I would have to have a very creative mind to come up with those kinds of people. They are real. They are real. They are real. I think maybe if I keep saying that he… I… never mind.
I will start with the story now.
I last left off on that night. Nothing really eventful happened, we slept. That is all. Well, Yunho and I had only slept, but I am not too sure what happened between Su and Chun. It was weird as I look back to that first night, not because I was sleeping in a different place, but I felt safe with Yunho beside me.
At one point I remember just staring at him, tracing the lines of his face with my eyes. He was such a nice man, and I could not help but wonder how he had ended up becoming a kidnapper. I highly doubted at the time that it was his career in life, but it still did not make sense. Why were they trying to kidnap my sister? Why had they wanted to crash the wedding?
Then my mind took a different train of thought and I began to panic over the what if’s that would come after. Would charges be pressed against them? Would I ever see them again? Would I ever get to see Yunho again? Would I have to explain in full detail what had happened from the time of my kidnapping to the time I had returned home?
As you can see, some things did turn out like that. This is why I do not like this. This is why I wished it could all go back to that day they asked me to stand-in for Ji Hye. This is the exact reason why I wished that I had told my father “Go to hell” and walk away. From this, from you, from my family, and especially… from myself.
I am so stupid. I hate you for making me act this way--all because of some fucked up kidnapping that ended up becoming so much more and now my head hurts. And I hate you. And I hate me. And I hate my father. And I hate myself for behaving like this and having to feel this way everyday… Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. All you do is sit there and write down exactly what I say, and I feel like I am sick--going crazy, going out of my mind, and God, help me.
…… I am so sorry. So sorry. So sorry… I do not mean to cry. I will continue for the sake of your job and your health.
Moving right along then…
I awoke sometime the next morning, my nose buried into Yunho’s collar, his chin atop my head and arms wound around me. I cannot recall a more comfortable position, and I definitely did not want to reenact this moment with anyone else. Ever. I felt so small compared to him, and somehow I began to feel as though we fit together. Him with his beautiful face and his black hair tickling my nose, smelling like something that could only be associated with home and I just wanted to bury my face in the black tresses, tangle my fingers against his scalp and breathe him in, in ways that I had never thought possible.
But I have never thought about things like that before. I never took time to notice others around me, since they never paid much attention to me either. My mother and father were too busy showering Ji Hye with all of their money and love. Ji Hye would always try to explain it to me, her face red with embarrassment as she talked about the people she had met and the things she had done. She told me how her first time was, that she was so in love with the boy and he was with her, and that it was so beautiful and magical, saying that I would understand when I found a girl for me.
Honestly, at the time and now, girls were not really on my mind.
I found it funny, though. I had just met Yunho, but it seemed as though I had known him for sometime before. We instantly clicked in my head, fitting together like pieces of puzzles that my mother and I had done when I was many years younger. I think, if someone would have spewed this sappy shit to me before Ji Hye ran away, I would have laughed my ass off.
I never expected that the man who kidnapped me would end up being the love of my life.
It was comical, nonsensical, irrational… Too many reasons screaming at me why I should not feel that way for him, but instead of yielding to the signs and turning back, I drove right through and practically ended up careening down the side of a cliff. Rock bottom.
And I could not have been any happier, grinning like an idiot as I crashed into a mangled heap in his heart.
I do not know what caused me to leave that room that morning, but I do remember walking in on Yoochun and Junsu trying their best to stay away from each other in the cramped apartment. I wondered what had happened between them when I was asleep that caused Yoochun to be constantly smiling and Junsu’s face to become a permanent shade of red. Probably something that ‘scary man’ (as Su had dubbed him) had done, causing my innocent friend to become more corrupted than I had already made him.
“Jaejoong!” Junsu shrieked when he saw me, attacking me mid-yawn with a bone crushing hug. He was acting as if he had not seen me in years. Or maybe I was an excuse to draw his attention away from Yoochun.
“Hi… Jun…su,” I coughed out, my air supply quite short as my friend kept hugging me tighter. I coughed again before wheezing, “Can you… please… let… me go… now?”
He gave me a sheepish smile, his brown eyes catching some of the glow from the partially lit area we were in, but I always felt as though somehow Su was brighter than anything else in the world. He absorbed the sunlight and his cheer rained down on everyone he encountered. Without him in my life, I do not think I would still be here. Junsu was my personal ray of light, my angel, and I cannot last a day without him.
I ruffled his soft brown locks, pulled his glasses halfway down the bridge of his nose, and pinched his cheeks. “You’re too cute to be mad at, Su. I swear that one day, you will be the death of me.”
He giggled--the melodic little laugh that he was known for--the squeaky noise making Yoochun crack a smile that he had tried to hide behind his hand. I had caught it, however, and I felt my smile widen. Su had unknowingly worked his magic on the pervert of our little family (was it wrong for me to call it that?) and captured his heart just by threatening to bite him. If that was not the beginnings of true love, then I do not know what else could even begin to qualify.
I am going to skip ahead a week or so into the story… because, honestly, nothing else really happened that week. We mainly stayed inside Yunho’s apartment, Yoochun and my favorite kidnapper taking turns on going out to find food… Or whatever else they were doing.
Before I knew it, a week had flown by and I found myself on the couch watching a movie with the other three guys. Junsu’s head in my lap, eyes not really focused on the screen but rather Yoochun’s fingers dancing along his thigh. Yoochun seemed rather bored with the movie, with Junsu’s legs thrown over his own, and his hand slowly making odd designs along Junsu’s leg. I had to suppress a laugh at the two of them, my head resting against Yunho’s side as I paid no attention to the movie (that only Yunho seemed to be into) and more on the man I was resting against (as well as the Chun and Su flirting beside me). With his chin propped on top of his right fist, left arm swung around me and fingers twirling my black hair around, silently quoting the movie on the television, I could not help but sigh softly to myself.
We did not seem like two hostages held against their will while their kidnappers tried to decide where to go next. Instead we looked like a group of friends hanging out with each other (or more specifically on a double date). We were the circus family--nothing but a bunch of misfits that had somehow found each other and just clicked. Ranging from the far-too-sweet kidnapper Yunho, to the perverted-kidnapper Yoochun, to my innocent-best-friend-the-superhero Junsu, and to me… the sarcastically-blunt-rich kid.
A part of me wished that this was my real family--forgetting about the Hans altogether. I would have gladly traded all the wealth that I would inherit just to be able to have moments with them again and again. They were the only friends I had ever had… I loved them. More than my father, more than my name, more than my wealth. I would have given everything up just to stay pressed up against Yunho’s body while Yoochun propped himself against me with a semiconscious Junsu in our laps. They were everything that I had ever wanted in life…
But things were soon to change…
As always pictures of the characters and the larger banner are ( here)
Hope everyone enjoyed this little filler-chapter! The next one is where your questions will begin to be answered. There are hints scattered about in subtle places (esp. in Jae's little monologues ^^) Oh, and... please don't assume Jae is crazy--he may seem that way, but I do not think I would be okay if I was him either. You will see more of what I mean later on. Just keep in mind that he is telling some stranger very personal events that he is not too keen on sharing.
Thank you all! You mean so much to me. I do not know when the next update will be, but I will not keep you waiting long. And also, expect to see my newest multi-chaptered story, "Doll Face", very soon. <3