Day 51; or, The 2nd Worst Day In the Lives of the Colonial Fleet
Oh my goodness. So.
Like queenofthorns mentioned a while back, I too have been using the return of Battlestar Galactica to indulge in some older episodes. Specifically: "Kobol's Last Gleaming" (as well as its ensuing three-episode arc, 2x01-2x03). Everything on Kobol is so PRETTY, and everything about every part of the Colonial Fleet's world and stability gets shot straight to hell (lol pun!) in a matter of hours.
I don't know if I've ever done a picspam on such massive proportions. But massive proportions are necessary to convey the awesome/horror/sheer hilarity of dramatic irony that is DAY 51 IN THE COLONIAL FLEET. Caps are from bsgmedia and bsg-caps, slightly tweaked by moi. OI I HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT, YOU GUYS.
(In order to approach Day 51, we must first take a look at the day before. You know, IN ORDER TO SET THE CONTEXT.)
(Also, disclaimer: Absolutely none of these timestamps, outside of the day number [thank you, Battlestar Wiki!] are accurate at all. Between 1x11 and 2x03, about the only thing we know about actual time progression is that 2x02 "Valley of Darkness" takes place in relatively real time, which I tried to reflect. Even still: ALL. ONE. DAY.)
* * *
DAY 50
Day 50 did not start out so well. First of all: Valance, arrested by Lee and Kara after being drunk and disorderly and assault with a beer bottle, got dead at the metaphorical hands of Tom Zareck (it was probably Ellen who left the door open).
3:00PM: Kara and Lee grab a quick shower, being as you know dirty from that whole "dead body in a closet" thing from the morning. Lee sets up his inevitable defeat by pretending not to have imagined Kara in a dress. All of America wishes it were Lee's towel.
5:0PM: The Quorum votes for its Vice-President. Three seasons later, you have to laugh at Laura Roslin settling with Baltar as "the devil you know."
9:00PM: VICE PRESIDENT GAIUS BALTAR SAYS, LET'S PARTY YOU GUYS.
Predictably, Lee gets the words knocked out of him.
(by the way, as much as Kara's shit-eating grin to Lee makes my life in this scene, there's something about that first screencap - with her head turned away and all the pretty bottles behind the bar - that is just so pretty. And! Completely Lee's point of view, as he's walking in. Speaking of pretty bottles: huh, they have Jack Daniels in space! Sign me up.)
Also, let us savor these next few moments. These rare, unadulterated snips of glee are basically the last time anyone as a whole group is genuinely happy and carefree in the Colonial Fleet... ever. Baltar's groundbreaking ceremony in Unfinished Business comes close, I think, but does not equal. So: let us enjoy these last gasps of happiness, shall we.
Sigh.
* * *
DAY 51
Aaaaaannnnnnnddddddd it begins.
approximately 1:00AM: Kara mispeaks, leaving Baltar in... an unenviable position, no doubt.
6:00AM: Morning on Galactica - the Adamas, boxing; Boomer, contemplating suicide; Roslin, body-scanning.
approximately 8:30AM: (I forgot to cap this, uh, oops.) Kara wanders in a poker game with, among others, Lee and a very drunk Baltar. That goes over well.
11:00AM: Having sobered up somewhat, Baltar takes his first meeting with Roslin as her VP. He fails to impress either of his judges.
At least Laura doesn't physically express her disappointment...
Still feeling rejected by Kara, Baltar salves his wound by rejecting someone of his own. Needless to say, the "it's not you, it's me" conversation soon follows.
11:30AM: Out on a random, routine supply run, Boomer and Crashdown accidentally find Kobol. Huh!
That's it, you guys, let's just pack it in for the day. After all, most of us are probably still hungover from last night. We've done enough to count today as "productive," right?
Noon: Lee comes to "survey Kara's progress" or whatever, but it's all just a flimsy excuse to pick a fight with her about how she dressed up all snazzy and nice for him last night, only to hook up with Baltar instead. And I mean literally, pick a fight.
(LENS FLARE! So. Pretty.)
Meanwhile, on Colonial One, Roslin, Billy and Elosha look at the pictures from Kobol. (Again, forgot to cap. YIKES.) Everyone agrees that today has been thoroughly productive, although why no one wants to quit is beyond me. SAVE YOURSELF, GUYS.
1:00PM: No doubt looking for Kara, Baltar wanders into the pilots rack and finds... Boomer "cleaning her gun," in which that euphamism for once does not refer to what you think it refers to. He puts on his sagely advice cap.
Which ends SPECTACULARLY.
OOPS THAR, BOOMER, I THINK YA MISSED.
2:00PM: Roslin comes to Adama with her belief that this planet is, in fact, mythical Kobol. He seems to be with her at least somewhat, until she starts in about this "Arrow of Apollo" nonsense and wanting to jump back to Caprica in the Cylon raider, aka the aftermath of the apocalypse just to retrieve it.
"Shut it down," he says to Laura. "Shut it down."
Adama is nonetheless willing to at least figure out what this planet is, Kobol or no, so he agrees to send a more-prepared Raptor back to the coordinates for further investigation and survey. Baltar's Six insists he volunteer himself, and - dismayed by his performance earler - Roslin couldn't be happier.
3:00PM: AS YOU CAN WELL GUESS, a small wrinkle appears: CYLONS! They shoot at the Raptor, and it goes boom on the surface.
3:30PM: When Roslin learns that the Cylon raider has been already spoken for in the rescue operation to Kobol - already spoken before, by the way, without her input - she knows she has to act. Billy says, "Dude, really? Seriously?" And Roslin replies, "O RLY. I WANTS STARBUX."
4:00PM: "Will you do treason for me by stealing a raider that would probably help us significantly in this military operation we're about to run to save some people on Kobol, because really what we need it for is to jump back to Caprica for an artifact? Allow me to sweetened the deal: you'll meet your future husband! Also, I am your mother figure."
"Fine."
5:00PM: The shit hits the fan. Adama: "YOU DID WHAT?"
Roslin begins to wonder if maybe this wasn't the greatest idea ever, not having Adama as her ally. Tigh wears a look of "gee, Bill, I could have predicted this ages ago."
5:15PM: The fact that Roslin has probably just commited treason is neither here nor there at the present moment, because there's a Raptor pinned down on Kobol. Without Kara, Adama turns to Irony to fly a Raptor into the basestar orbiting the planet, deliver a nuke, and fly back home.
Again, the theme of the day - that ends SPECTACULARLY:
7:45PM: Adama is a man of action. He sends marines to Colonial 1 to arrest Laura Roslin for treason. (Actually, what he says is "terminating her presidency," which certainly seems to imply a slim possibility for a trial.)
After a season of angst and becoming his own man and figuring out his relaitonship with his father and his place in the military and human society in general, accepting a leadership role, doing things he hates to do... and maybe (just a little) admitting to himself that he likes Kara like that only to then be made a total fool of IN PUBLIC... AFTER ALL OF THAT, Lee Adama picks a reallllllllly bad time to also be a man of action:
Luckily, Roslin steps in at the last minute and surrenders. Lee is left feeling a little like Baltar at the beginning of today, and oh my goodness I mean in a metaphorical sense.
9:00PM: As it would follow, this happens.
And this.
(That, actually, I don't really mind.)
Adama decides to shame his son in front of the entire CIC by showing Boomer would a good job she did at following orders. All of America glances at the clock and concludes that the first season of Battlestar Galactica ends non-traditionally, as it does everything else, with a softer emotional cliffhanger (FATHER AND SON ARE AT ODDS, HOMG; THE GOVERNMENT IS BROKEN).
So ASFJHASJK!!!!!!!!!!!ahgfasgfash!1!11!!11!FHAKJF AND THEN THIS HAPPENS, RANDOMLY, OMG.
HOMG.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PAPADAMA NOOOOOO
Chaos ensues. Obvies. There isn't even time to wash the blood off CIC; if Boomer just shot the Old Man, then God knows what the hell else is going to go wrong?
Tigh says ACCIO FLEET, ANYWHERE THAT IS NOT HERE. Gaeta scrambles.
Say it with me now: SO THAT ENDS SPECTACULARLY.
"And hey, guess what, did we mention that Doc Cottle's NOT ACTUALLY ON THE SHIP? Yeah. Yeah. He's on the Rising Star for some medical business, so we'll just recall-- what's that? We're completely separated from the rest of the Fleet and our commander is bleeding to death after someone shot him? MAN, TODAY IS AWESOME. REMEMBER WHEN WE FOUND KOBOL THIS MORNING, AND YOU SAID, 'LET'S JUST QUIT NOT,' AND I SAID, 'NAH, I HAVE A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS EVENING'? Yeah. That was awesome."
approximately 10:00PM: Tigh decides to vent his frustration.
In CIC, Gaeta invokes the N-word, "network," as a possible solution for finding the Fleet. Upside: it's the difference between 12 hours and 10 minutes; downside: hey, remember the time the Cylons crushed every other Battlestar ever because they had networks and Swiss cheese firewalls? Tigh goes for it; he springs Lee out of jail for a bit to help.
11:00PM: They jump back. Battling ensues, nasty.
11:15PM: REUNITED WITH THE FLEET! WOO HOO WE CAN BREATHE AGAIN
"Bill, I did the thing you told me never to do. But I think it worked. And by worked, I mean, in the last second a virus got through our firewall but don't worry, I don't think anyone will notice for a couple weeks or so. So, we cool? Cool."
Wait for it... wait for it... WAIT FOR IT...
SPEC.
TAC.
U.
LAR.
11:20PM: Why are the lights out? Did we pay the bill this month?
11:23PM: Oh, happy post-killing-stuff Pilots. Nothing bad can happen to you! You're happy! You just blew up a lot of Cylons!
SO THEN THIS HAPPENS:
FRAK
THIS DAY IS OFFICIALLY TERRIBLE
11:30PM: Strategy meeting in the CIC. Tigh reveals that he knows the Cylon plan because it's in his programming to know he "saw it in the war." Since he obviously didn't ACTUALLY fight in the war like he thought he did (WE KNOW THIS NOW), it actually IS his programming, but whatever. Military strategy, for the win!
11:35: Lee and his Pilots make their way to the brig. Everyone decides to rendezvous at sickbay, the de facto safest part of the ship.
11:40PM: Along the way, they find Dee.
(AND HERE is where I am going to just stop for one moment to point out something, well, that's always bothered me: the Cylon Centurions, they really just sort of stick their hands out and mow down anyone they can find. There's no "wounding" when it comes to them. They don't tend to miss when you're all in a little bait barrel of a Battlestar hallway. And yet? Dee survives. Dee stands there and Dee survives. It's almost... well, to be completely honest, it's almost exactly like Anders getting scanned by a Cylon raider, identified as a friendly, and intitiating a retreat signal. I'M JUST GOING TO THROW THIS LITTLE OBSERVATION OUT INTO THE WILD.)
ANYWAY.
11:50PM: Lee and his Pilots (with the President in tow) make it to Aft Damage Control, and make to setting up an ambush for their Cylon pursuers. They've only got a few rounds left, so this one has to count.
11:53PM: It does.
HOMG YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT. IT'S NO LONGER DAY 51. WE SURVIVED.
(DAY 51 TALLY:
- Woke up with a hangover because we partied hard the night before.
- Found Kobol.
- Scouted Kobol; fail.
- Commited treason.
- Commited mutiny.
- Got arrested; government fail.
- Activated our Cylon sleeper agent.
- PAPA ADAMA GOT SHOT HOMG; fail fail fail.
- Lost the Fleet for a few hours.
- Found the Fleet.
- Kicked Cylon ass.
- Got a computer virus; Gaeta fail.
- Got boarded.
- Kicked more Cylon ass on the ship.
ALL OF THIS IN 24 HOURS.)
* * *
DAY 52
Let's play catch-everyone-up.
12:15AM: In sickbay, all is right again.
Enjoy it, kids, it won't last. Also: I think one of you might be the Final Cylon, so, there's also that.
PAPA ADAMA :(((
"Thank the gods I never had kids." YEAH BECAUSE THEY'D BE HYBRID TIGH BABIES, THAT'S WHY
12:30AM: It's been nearly four hours, and after all the aforementioned shenanigans, Cottle finally gets to the ship. Billy is there to greet him, because the President is in a little bit of a sticky sitch re: her medication, and Cottle is (rightfully) all DUDE THE COMMANDER IS BLEEDING, MOVE CHILD
2:00AM: No rest for the wary. There's still: a rescue op to save the stranded on Kobol, and also the Quorum would like to know why THERE IS NO MORE GOVERNMENT. Tigh says, UGH SRSLY I NEED A DRINK
Noon: Lee flies off to Kobol. I'm convinced he hasn't actually slept at ALL yet.
4:00PM: Laura decides to come clean to her Quorum... uh, people? Members? "HEY GUYS, LOOK THINGS ARE A LITTLE COMPLICATED RIGHT NOW, BUT I'LL BE SURE TO SORT IT ALL OUT ONCE ADAMA ISN'T DYING ANYMORE SO JUST GIVE TIGH A BREAK OH AND ALSO I HAVE TERMINAL CANCER AND AM PROBS GONNA DIE SOON, LIKE, REALLY SOON."
Quorum: WHAT OK HUGS
Tigh: YOU CRAFTY LITTLE LADY
5:00PM: Hey, guess what, Adama's probably gonna be okay.
Tigh: "I'll only be in command for another episode. After yesterday, I'll bet that absolutely nothing interesting happens and/or I don't screw up anything else in, like, the next 56 hours or whatever."
7:00PM: "YEAH BITCHES, I AM NOT TAKING AAAANY OF YOUR QUESTIONS. GOODBYE"
* * *
Therefore, TO SUM ALL OF THIS UP... in a way, you can conceivably say that if Kara had just kept on dancing with Lee, maybe half of the crazy might not have happened. No, really!
THINK ABOUT IT: Kara dances with Lee, maybe they do a little something-something, maybe they don't, but anyway, the point is - none of this Kara/Baltar business happens. Which means: Baltar doesn't feel rejected, Kara isn't self-loathing for accidentally rejecting Baltar, Kara and Lee don't fight (this time)... and so then, because Kara doesn't feel like a screw-up, she's rational enough to actually just TELL ROSLIN THAT HER PLAN WITH THE RAIDER IS REALLY STUPID (Laura, I love you, but it was, even though it worked). SO THEN LAURA DOESN'T COMMIT TREASON AND BREAK THE GOVERNMENT. GOVERNMENT = WIN. Also: if Kara doesn't steal the raider, then she runs the op that Boomer gets, which means Boomer's programming doesn't trip (this time). Which means... no shooting Adama, no getting tracked by the Cylons, no hasty jump and losing half the Fleet, no having to network our computer to find the Fleet again thereby giving us a Cylon computer virus, no boarding, no causalities. OH AND DID I MENTION KARA AND LEE BASICALLY BROKE THE GOVERNMENT. Yeah. Because their stupid sexual tension absolutely, totally did.
(And by stupid, I mean, I love you, Pilot. NEVER CHANGE.)
But then, in a way, Kara and Lee HAD to have their stupid sexual tension, so all of this could unfold exactly as it does; so they can find Kobol and find teh map to Earth, they can find out about Boomer, they can rescue Helo so his unborn child can cure/fake-cure the President. And with the map to Earth, they find the nebula, but Kara dies except she's not, and the nebula trips the Hidden Four and-- it had to happen.
LOL I LOVE MY SHOW.
YOU ARE WELCOME.
(Final Cylon speculation below, too, if you want to jump on into that.)
Like queenofthorns mentioned a while back, I too have been using the return of Battlestar Galactica to indulge in some older episodes. Specifically: "Kobol's Last Gleaming" (as well as its ensuing three-episode arc, 2x01-2x03). Everything on Kobol is so PRETTY, and everything about every part of the Colonial Fleet's world and stability gets shot straight to hell (lol pun!) in a matter of hours.
I don't know if I've ever done a picspam on such massive proportions. But massive proportions are necessary to convey the awesome/horror/sheer hilarity of dramatic irony that is DAY 51 IN THE COLONIAL FLEET. Caps are from bsgmedia and bsg-caps, slightly tweaked by moi. OI I HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT, YOU GUYS.
(In order to approach Day 51, we must first take a look at the day before. You know, IN ORDER TO SET THE CONTEXT.)
(Also, disclaimer: Absolutely none of these timestamps, outside of the day number [thank you, Battlestar Wiki!] are accurate at all. Between 1x11 and 2x03, about the only thing we know about actual time progression is that 2x02 "Valley of Darkness" takes place in relatively real time, which I tried to reflect. Even still: ALL. ONE. DAY.)
* * *
DAY 50
Day 50 did not start out so well. First of all: Valance, arrested by Lee and Kara after being drunk and disorderly and assault with a beer bottle, got dead at the metaphorical hands of Tom Zareck (it was probably Ellen who left the door open).
3:00PM: Kara and Lee grab a quick shower, being as you know dirty from that whole "dead body in a closet" thing from the morning. Lee sets up his inevitable defeat by pretending not to have imagined Kara in a dress. All of America wishes it were Lee's towel.
5:0PM: The Quorum votes for its Vice-President. Three seasons later, you have to laugh at Laura Roslin settling with Baltar as "the devil you know."
9:00PM: VICE PRESIDENT GAIUS BALTAR SAYS, LET'S PARTY YOU GUYS.
Predictably, Lee gets the words knocked out of him.
(by the way, as much as Kara's shit-eating grin to Lee makes my life in this scene, there's something about that first screencap - with her head turned away and all the pretty bottles behind the bar - that is just so pretty. And! Completely Lee's point of view, as he's walking in. Speaking of pretty bottles: huh, they have Jack Daniels in space! Sign me up.)
Also, let us savor these next few moments. These rare, unadulterated snips of glee are basically the last time anyone as a whole group is genuinely happy and carefree in the Colonial Fleet... ever. Baltar's groundbreaking ceremony in Unfinished Business comes close, I think, but does not equal. So: let us enjoy these last gasps of happiness, shall we.
Sigh.
* * *
DAY 51
Aaaaaannnnnnnddddddd it begins.
approximately 1:00AM: Kara mispeaks, leaving Baltar in... an unenviable position, no doubt.
6:00AM: Morning on Galactica - the Adamas, boxing; Boomer, contemplating suicide; Roslin, body-scanning.
approximately 8:30AM: (I forgot to cap this, uh, oops.) Kara wanders in a poker game with, among others, Lee and a very drunk Baltar. That goes over well.
11:00AM: Having sobered up somewhat, Baltar takes his first meeting with Roslin as her VP. He fails to impress either of his judges.
At least Laura doesn't physically express her disappointment...
Still feeling rejected by Kara, Baltar salves his wound by rejecting someone of his own. Needless to say, the "it's not you, it's me" conversation soon follows.
11:30AM: Out on a random, routine supply run, Boomer and Crashdown accidentally find Kobol. Huh!
That's it, you guys, let's just pack it in for the day. After all, most of us are probably still hungover from last night. We've done enough to count today as "productive," right?
Noon: Lee comes to "survey Kara's progress" or whatever, but it's all just a flimsy excuse to pick a fight with her about how she dressed up all snazzy and nice for him last night, only to hook up with Baltar instead. And I mean literally, pick a fight.
(LENS FLARE! So. Pretty.)
Meanwhile, on Colonial One, Roslin, Billy and Elosha look at the pictures from Kobol. (Again, forgot to cap. YIKES.) Everyone agrees that today has been thoroughly productive, although why no one wants to quit is beyond me. SAVE YOURSELF, GUYS.
1:00PM: No doubt looking for Kara, Baltar wanders into the pilots rack and finds... Boomer "cleaning her gun," in which that euphamism for once does not refer to what you think it refers to. He puts on his sagely advice cap.
Which ends SPECTACULARLY.
OOPS THAR, BOOMER, I THINK YA MISSED.
2:00PM: Roslin comes to Adama with her belief that this planet is, in fact, mythical Kobol. He seems to be with her at least somewhat, until she starts in about this "Arrow of Apollo" nonsense and wanting to jump back to Caprica in the Cylon raider, aka the aftermath of the apocalypse just to retrieve it.
"Shut it down," he says to Laura. "Shut it down."
Adama is nonetheless willing to at least figure out what this planet is, Kobol or no, so he agrees to send a more-prepared Raptor back to the coordinates for further investigation and survey. Baltar's Six insists he volunteer himself, and - dismayed by his performance earler - Roslin couldn't be happier.
3:00PM: AS YOU CAN WELL GUESS, a small wrinkle appears: CYLONS! They shoot at the Raptor, and it goes boom on the surface.
3:30PM: When Roslin learns that the Cylon raider has been already spoken for in the rescue operation to Kobol - already spoken before, by the way, without her input - she knows she has to act. Billy says, "Dude, really? Seriously?" And Roslin replies, "O RLY. I WANTS STARBUX."
4:00PM: "Will you do treason for me by stealing a raider that would probably help us significantly in this military operation we're about to run to save some people on Kobol, because really what we need it for is to jump back to Caprica for an artifact? Allow me to sweetened the deal: you'll meet your future husband! Also, I am your mother figure."
"Fine."
5:00PM: The shit hits the fan. Adama: "YOU DID WHAT?"
Roslin begins to wonder if maybe this wasn't the greatest idea ever, not having Adama as her ally. Tigh wears a look of "gee, Bill, I could have predicted this ages ago."
5:15PM: The fact that Roslin has probably just commited treason is neither here nor there at the present moment, because there's a Raptor pinned down on Kobol. Without Kara, Adama turns to Irony to fly a Raptor into the basestar orbiting the planet, deliver a nuke, and fly back home.
Again, the theme of the day - that ends SPECTACULARLY:
7:45PM: Adama is a man of action. He sends marines to Colonial 1 to arrest Laura Roslin for treason. (Actually, what he says is "terminating her presidency," which certainly seems to imply a slim possibility for a trial.)
After a season of angst and becoming his own man and figuring out his relaitonship with his father and his place in the military and human society in general, accepting a leadership role, doing things he hates to do... and maybe (just a little) admitting to himself that he likes Kara like that only to then be made a total fool of IN PUBLIC... AFTER ALL OF THAT, Lee Adama picks a reallllllllly bad time to also be a man of action:
Luckily, Roslin steps in at the last minute and surrenders. Lee is left feeling a little like Baltar at the beginning of today, and oh my goodness I mean in a metaphorical sense.
9:00PM: As it would follow, this happens.
And this.
(That, actually, I don't really mind.)
Adama decides to shame his son in front of the entire CIC by showing Boomer would a good job she did at following orders. All of America glances at the clock and concludes that the first season of Battlestar Galactica ends non-traditionally, as it does everything else, with a softer emotional cliffhanger (FATHER AND SON ARE AT ODDS, HOMG; THE GOVERNMENT IS BROKEN).
So ASFJHASJK!!!!!!!!!!!ahgfasgfash!1!11!!11!FHAKJF AND THEN THIS HAPPENS, RANDOMLY, OMG.
HOMG.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PAPADAMA NOOOOOO
Chaos ensues. Obvies. There isn't even time to wash the blood off CIC; if Boomer just shot the Old Man, then God knows what the hell else is going to go wrong?
Tigh says ACCIO FLEET, ANYWHERE THAT IS NOT HERE. Gaeta scrambles.
Say it with me now: SO THAT ENDS SPECTACULARLY.
"And hey, guess what, did we mention that Doc Cottle's NOT ACTUALLY ON THE SHIP? Yeah. Yeah. He's on the Rising Star for some medical business, so we'll just recall-- what's that? We're completely separated from the rest of the Fleet and our commander is bleeding to death after someone shot him? MAN, TODAY IS AWESOME. REMEMBER WHEN WE FOUND KOBOL THIS MORNING, AND YOU SAID, 'LET'S JUST QUIT NOT,' AND I SAID, 'NAH, I HAVE A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS EVENING'? Yeah. That was awesome."
approximately 10:00PM: Tigh decides to vent his frustration.
In CIC, Gaeta invokes the N-word, "network," as a possible solution for finding the Fleet. Upside: it's the difference between 12 hours and 10 minutes; downside: hey, remember the time the Cylons crushed every other Battlestar ever because they had networks and Swiss cheese firewalls? Tigh goes for it; he springs Lee out of jail for a bit to help.
11:00PM: They jump back. Battling ensues, nasty.
11:15PM: REUNITED WITH THE FLEET! WOO HOO WE CAN BREATHE AGAIN
"Bill, I did the thing you told me never to do. But I think it worked. And by worked, I mean, in the last second a virus got through our firewall but don't worry, I don't think anyone will notice for a couple weeks or so. So, we cool? Cool."
Wait for it... wait for it... WAIT FOR IT...
SPEC.
TAC.
U.
LAR.
11:20PM: Why are the lights out? Did we pay the bill this month?
11:23PM: Oh, happy post-killing-stuff Pilots. Nothing bad can happen to you! You're happy! You just blew up a lot of Cylons!
SO THEN THIS HAPPENS:
FRAK
THIS DAY IS OFFICIALLY TERRIBLE
11:30PM: Strategy meeting in the CIC. Tigh reveals that he knows the Cylon plan because it's in his programming to know he "saw it in the war." Since he obviously didn't ACTUALLY fight in the war like he thought he did (WE KNOW THIS NOW), it actually IS his programming, but whatever. Military strategy, for the win!
11:35: Lee and his Pilots make their way to the brig. Everyone decides to rendezvous at sickbay, the de facto safest part of the ship.
11:40PM: Along the way, they find Dee.
(AND HERE is where I am going to just stop for one moment to point out something, well, that's always bothered me: the Cylon Centurions, they really just sort of stick their hands out and mow down anyone they can find. There's no "wounding" when it comes to them. They don't tend to miss when you're all in a little bait barrel of a Battlestar hallway. And yet? Dee survives. Dee stands there and Dee survives. It's almost... well, to be completely honest, it's almost exactly like Anders getting scanned by a Cylon raider, identified as a friendly, and intitiating a retreat signal. I'M JUST GOING TO THROW THIS LITTLE OBSERVATION OUT INTO THE WILD.)
ANYWAY.
11:50PM: Lee and his Pilots (with the President in tow) make it to Aft Damage Control, and make to setting up an ambush for their Cylon pursuers. They've only got a few rounds left, so this one has to count.
11:53PM: It does.
HOMG YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT. IT'S NO LONGER DAY 51. WE SURVIVED.
(DAY 51 TALLY:
- Woke up with a hangover because we partied hard the night before.
- Found Kobol.
- Scouted Kobol; fail.
- Commited treason.
- Commited mutiny.
- Got arrested; government fail.
- Activated our Cylon sleeper agent.
- PAPA ADAMA GOT SHOT HOMG; fail fail fail.
- Lost the Fleet for a few hours.
- Found the Fleet.
- Kicked Cylon ass.
- Got a computer virus; Gaeta fail.
- Got boarded.
- Kicked more Cylon ass on the ship.
ALL OF THIS IN 24 HOURS.)
* * *
DAY 52
Let's play catch-everyone-up.
12:15AM: In sickbay, all is right again.
Enjoy it, kids, it won't last. Also: I think one of you might be the Final Cylon, so, there's also that.
PAPA ADAMA :(((
"Thank the gods I never had kids." YEAH BECAUSE THEY'D BE HYBRID TIGH BABIES, THAT'S WHY
12:30AM: It's been nearly four hours, and after all the aforementioned shenanigans, Cottle finally gets to the ship. Billy is there to greet him, because the President is in a little bit of a sticky sitch re: her medication, and Cottle is (rightfully) all DUDE THE COMMANDER IS BLEEDING, MOVE CHILD
2:00AM: No rest for the wary. There's still: a rescue op to save the stranded on Kobol, and also the Quorum would like to know why THERE IS NO MORE GOVERNMENT. Tigh says, UGH SRSLY I NEED A DRINK
Noon: Lee flies off to Kobol. I'm convinced he hasn't actually slept at ALL yet.
4:00PM: Laura decides to come clean to her Quorum... uh, people? Members? "HEY GUYS, LOOK THINGS ARE A LITTLE COMPLICATED RIGHT NOW, BUT I'LL BE SURE TO SORT IT ALL OUT ONCE ADAMA ISN'T DYING ANYMORE SO JUST GIVE TIGH A BREAK OH AND ALSO I HAVE TERMINAL CANCER AND AM PROBS GONNA DIE SOON, LIKE, REALLY SOON."
Quorum: WHAT OK HUGS
Tigh: YOU CRAFTY LITTLE LADY
5:00PM: Hey, guess what, Adama's probably gonna be okay.
Tigh: "I'll only be in command for another episode. After yesterday, I'll bet that absolutely nothing interesting happens and/or I don't screw up anything else in, like, the next 56 hours or whatever."
7:00PM: "YEAH BITCHES, I AM NOT TAKING AAAANY OF YOUR QUESTIONS. GOODBYE"
* * *
Therefore, TO SUM ALL OF THIS UP... in a way, you can conceivably say that if Kara had just kept on dancing with Lee, maybe half of the crazy might not have happened. No, really!
THINK ABOUT IT: Kara dances with Lee, maybe they do a little something-something, maybe they don't, but anyway, the point is - none of this Kara/Baltar business happens. Which means: Baltar doesn't feel rejected, Kara isn't self-loathing for accidentally rejecting Baltar, Kara and Lee don't fight (this time)... and so then, because Kara doesn't feel like a screw-up, she's rational enough to actually just TELL ROSLIN THAT HER PLAN WITH THE RAIDER IS REALLY STUPID (Laura, I love you, but it was, even though it worked). SO THEN LAURA DOESN'T COMMIT TREASON AND BREAK THE GOVERNMENT. GOVERNMENT = WIN. Also: if Kara doesn't steal the raider, then she runs the op that Boomer gets, which means Boomer's programming doesn't trip (this time). Which means... no shooting Adama, no getting tracked by the Cylons, no hasty jump and losing half the Fleet, no having to network our computer to find the Fleet again thereby giving us a Cylon computer virus, no boarding, no causalities. OH AND DID I MENTION KARA AND LEE BASICALLY BROKE THE GOVERNMENT. Yeah. Because their stupid sexual tension absolutely, totally did.
(And by stupid, I mean, I love you, Pilot. NEVER CHANGE.)
But then, in a way, Kara and Lee HAD to have their stupid sexual tension, so all of this could unfold exactly as it does; so they can find Kobol and find teh map to Earth, they can find out about Boomer, they can rescue Helo so his unborn child can cure/fake-cure the President. And with the map to Earth, they find the nebula, but Kara dies except she's not, and the nebula trips the Hidden Four and-- it had to happen.
LOL I LOVE MY SHOW.
YOU ARE WELCOME.
(Final Cylon speculation below, too, if you want to jump on into that.)