NEVER trust a man with no thumb.
Okay, I take a break from Doctor Who to, um, watch the last Pretender movie. THAT'S RIGHT, I found "Island of the Haunted" (bantha_fodder is amazing!!!) and... well, I'm going to be completely honest. I went nuts. Insane. Bonkers. OUT OF MY MIND. And made you picspam. For all my flist to enjoy and glee about. Except, like, who even still likes this show besides the two of us? LE SIGH, mates.
I'm allowed.
THE PRETENDER!!! Guyyyssss. I hope someone else remembers this show.
Okay, before we get started, I went to say: I had forgotten how utterly cheesy The Pretender is. No, seriously!! So cheesy. So, so, so.
Anyway.
FIRST OF ALL, LET'S GET TO THE MOST IMPORTANT PART FIRST.
WHICH IS, OF COURSE. THIS.
"Why is it that the one person I've been trained to distrust, to hate, to capture, is always with me during the most difficult moments of my life?"
"Maybe... it's supposed to be that way."
Okay, so. Aside from that whole "oh look, Jarod and Parker almost make out because a blind woman gives them tea," the best parts of this movie are when both of them are like "wait wtf we're on the same side?!?!?!" for a split second. For Parker, it's after they jump out of that cathedral window because they're going to burn to death if they don't, and FIRST Jarod's first reaction is all "ZOMG ARE YOU OK" and then later he asks her again, and you tell she's all "...omg he cares and SO DO I." For Jarod, I think, it's when they split up their little angel/serpent map thing, and she's all "OH YEAH WATCH YOUR BACK WE'RE NOT ALONE" and you so see that he's thinking "GEE, aren't i usually watching my back FOR YOU? because you HUNT ME?"
!!!!
AJHAJKHSKLAJSLJLJSASJLAJS;;slsdjaklsdj.
And: "Let's see what kind of secrets God has for us." LOLOLOLOLOLZ I JUST REALIZED. This story uses the infamous Knights Templar mythology, popularized by such classics as National Treasure and Da Vinci Code. Which, of course means... PARKER AND JAROD ARE THE HOLY GRAIL. OR POSSIBLY ONE OF THEM IS DESCENDED FROM JESUS OR MARY MAGEDLEN. Oh. Ohmanohmanohman. That's so fucking insane and ridiculous, I love it. Wheeeerrrreeeeeeee is this fandom and our third movie, dammit?!?!?!
(Can I also mention? the creepy Triumvirate zulu dude guy? HIS NAME IS ADAMA. ADAMA. ahahahahahaha Seriously, everytime they say their name, I laugh hysterically.)
Anyway. Picspam.
So first of all, it doesn't get a pic because it's an awesome line, but I giggle when Jarod describes Parker in brief as brunette, tall, has great legs. LOLZ JAROD. YOU LUFF HER.
Second of all, here is a brief interlude of some thing that happen prior to Them Almost Making Out But Getting Interrupted By A Blind Woman.
Parker's all "YOU HIT ME" and Jarod's like "NUH UH WASN'T ME I WANT MY MOM"
They try to find his mom, but alas, she gets away. Also, now they're stranded. Finally, Parker makes fun of the blind woman.
Stuff in a crypt. Apparently this island is stuck in the wayback machine.
Finally, Parker learns that arson and mass murder run in her family.
Interestingly, this leads to almost making out. KIND OF WEIRD!!
But whatever.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Observe how all up in his personal space she is after just ONE TIME almost making out with Jarod before getting interrupted by a blind woman (that, like. that never gets old). Even Jarod's all, "UM, OK":
I always seriously love how amused she is by Jarod's ability to figure things out. Which, you know, him being a genius and all, that kind of happens a lot. BUT LOOK. AT HER LITTLE GRIN. SHE TOTALLY LIKES IT WHEN HE'S SMART.
(By the time she was actually smiling, he was practically in front of her and blocking my cap. BUT TRUST ME. IT'S SMILING.)
And then they almost burn to death and have to jump out a window. But anyway, these caps are for Miss Parker's Gun and the fact that she is being strangley maternal and/or caring that Jarod not go anywhere near the flames. She does this twice, actually! !!!!
Sooo still up in the personal space there, Parker. JEEZ.
HER CHIN IS PRACTICALLY ON HIS SHOULDER.
THAT'S A ROSE TYLER MOVE THERE, MISS PARKER.
More frantic looking and such:
And then they get discovered. By her dad(s). And Lyle. And Adama (HEE!). Whatever, off to Blue Cove they go.
PENULTIMATE.
"I can't help but imagine our mothers holding that box. And I can't help imagining a different ending to all of this."
"What am I supposed to do, Jarod?"
"Only you can answer that. but I'd hate to see one miss a turning point when is staring them in the face."
"And I suppose you're going to open my eyes."
"No, you don't need me for that. Only you can decide to take a hard look at your life. The way your mother once did."
"Leave my mother out of this, okay? I am NOT her."
"Then who are you? Your father? Is the Parker legacy what you want to pass on to your children?"
"Look, we've been through a lot together, you and me. From when we were kids at the Centre... to the last couple of days. I know that rarely our allegiances are the same, but I've always felt... I've always known that there was a lot more to our lives than 'you run and I chase.'"
"Maybe we do what we have to do to get by in this life, Jarod."
"Maybe we both deserve something more."
"Just-- just forget what happened on that island. Forget that moment of weakness. Turning points only come when you've got something to turn to."
AND THEN HE HOLDS HER HAND.
"Sorry... this isn't the different ending you were looking for. But it's just the way the damn story goes, Jarod."
"Between hell and a turning point." Also known as, Miss Parker in denial.
I'm so sad that there's no way to accurately cap the little head-eye gesture Jarod makes at Parker when Adama (HEE!) finds on the plane when she's not supposed to be and makes her and Lyle and Raines go sit up front, and Jarod's all "I can deal with this, baby! Just you see." AND SHE TOTALLY NODS BACK, COS SHE BELIEVES HIM. THEY R IN LUV.
Later on, her dad uncle is about to jump out of the plane and she (obviously) kind of distraught.
So now the plane is going to crash and Jarod's all "UM I CAN FLY IT GUYS" and Parker yells really loud at Lyle to uncuff him. That's great. And I love how, like, he's about to go save the plane from crashing and he's all "MISS PARKER, COME WITH ME" and she just bounces along after him. Well, not bounces. BUT YOU KNOW. She totally doesn't care at all anymore.
Serously, isn't it nice to have a Jarod is such a sticky situation? Seriously.
BUT THEN IT BLOWS UP. DON'T WORRY EVERYONE LIVES. YAYES.
"*shock*"
Stuff happens where Raines is creepy (creepier?) and he calls Lyle and Parker his kids because, well, I guess they are now. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I can't watch Desperate Housewives:
Okay, so it's definitely been a while since I saw this, but. I never noticed that the lights in the last scene are THE EXACT SAME. Like, they keep moving the same and in the same color spectrum. As in JAROD'S STAYING REALLY CLOSE TO WHEREVER PARKER IS. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"What about... us?"
"You run, I chase. That's the way it's always been."
"Maybe that's the Parker curse."
The end is seriously awesome. Because, like, they were totally going to jump each other if Raines and Mr. Parker hadn't shown up, weren't they? Or, like. SOMETHING. THIS IS WHY I WANT A THIRD MOVIE. SO I CAN HAVE MY JAROD/PARKER SEX.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
(ashdlkajdlajdlaksjdaldjald)
The end.
I'm allowed.
THE PRETENDER!!! Guyyyssss. I hope someone else remembers this show.
Okay, before we get started, I went to say: I had forgotten how utterly cheesy The Pretender is. No, seriously!! So cheesy. So, so, so.
Anyway.
FIRST OF ALL, LET'S GET TO THE MOST IMPORTANT PART FIRST.
WHICH IS, OF COURSE. THIS.
"Why is it that the one person I've been trained to distrust, to hate, to capture, is always with me during the most difficult moments of my life?"
"Maybe... it's supposed to be that way."
Okay, so. Aside from that whole "oh look, Jarod and Parker almost make out because a blind woman gives them tea," the best parts of this movie are when both of them are like "wait wtf we're on the same side?!?!?!" for a split second. For Parker, it's after they jump out of that cathedral window because they're going to burn to death if they don't, and FIRST Jarod's first reaction is all "ZOMG ARE YOU OK" and then later he asks her again, and you tell she's all "...omg he cares and SO DO I." For Jarod, I think, it's when they split up their little angel/serpent map thing, and she's all "OH YEAH WATCH YOUR BACK WE'RE NOT ALONE" and you so see that he's thinking "GEE, aren't i usually watching my back FOR YOU? because you HUNT ME?"
!!!!
AJHAJKHSKLAJSLJLJSASJLAJS;;slsdjaklsdj.
And: "Let's see what kind of secrets God has for us." LOLOLOLOLOLZ I JUST REALIZED. This story uses the infamous Knights Templar mythology, popularized by such classics as National Treasure and Da Vinci Code. Which, of course means... PARKER AND JAROD ARE THE HOLY GRAIL. OR POSSIBLY ONE OF THEM IS DESCENDED FROM JESUS OR MARY MAGEDLEN. Oh. Ohmanohmanohman. That's so fucking insane and ridiculous, I love it. Wheeeerrrreeeeeeee is this fandom and our third movie, dammit?!?!?!
(Can I also mention? the creepy Triumvirate zulu dude guy? HIS NAME IS ADAMA. ADAMA. ahahahahahaha Seriously, everytime they say their name, I laugh hysterically.)
Anyway. Picspam.
So first of all, it doesn't get a pic because it's an awesome line, but I giggle when Jarod describes Parker in brief as brunette, tall, has great legs. LOLZ JAROD. YOU LUFF HER.
Second of all, here is a brief interlude of some thing that happen prior to Them Almost Making Out But Getting Interrupted By A Blind Woman.
Parker's all "YOU HIT ME" and Jarod's like "NUH UH WASN'T ME I WANT MY MOM"
They try to find his mom, but alas, she gets away. Also, now they're stranded. Finally, Parker makes fun of the blind woman.
Stuff in a crypt. Apparently this island is stuck in the wayback machine.
Finally, Parker learns that arson and mass murder run in her family.
Interestingly, this leads to almost making out. KIND OF WEIRD!!
But whatever.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Observe how all up in his personal space she is after just ONE TIME almost making out with Jarod before getting interrupted by a blind woman (that, like. that never gets old). Even Jarod's all, "UM, OK":
I always seriously love how amused she is by Jarod's ability to figure things out. Which, you know, him being a genius and all, that kind of happens a lot. BUT LOOK. AT HER LITTLE GRIN. SHE TOTALLY LIKES IT WHEN HE'S SMART.
(By the time she was actually smiling, he was practically in front of her and blocking my cap. BUT TRUST ME. IT'S SMILING.)
And then they almost burn to death and have to jump out a window. But anyway, these caps are for Miss Parker's Gun and the fact that she is being strangley maternal and/or caring that Jarod not go anywhere near the flames. She does this twice, actually! !!!!
Sooo still up in the personal space there, Parker. JEEZ.
HER CHIN IS PRACTICALLY ON HIS SHOULDER.
THAT'S A ROSE TYLER MOVE THERE, MISS PARKER.
More frantic looking and such:
And then they get discovered. By her dad(s). And Lyle. And Adama (HEE!). Whatever, off to Blue Cove they go.
PENULTIMATE.
"I can't help but imagine our mothers holding that box. And I can't help imagining a different ending to all of this."
"What am I supposed to do, Jarod?"
"Only you can answer that. but I'd hate to see one miss a turning point when is staring them in the face."
"And I suppose you're going to open my eyes."
"No, you don't need me for that. Only you can decide to take a hard look at your life. The way your mother once did."
"Leave my mother out of this, okay? I am NOT her."
"Then who are you? Your father? Is the Parker legacy what you want to pass on to your children?"
"Look, we've been through a lot together, you and me. From when we were kids at the Centre... to the last couple of days. I know that rarely our allegiances are the same, but I've always felt... I've always known that there was a lot more to our lives than 'you run and I chase.'"
"Maybe we do what we have to do to get by in this life, Jarod."
"Maybe we both deserve something more."
"Just-- just forget what happened on that island. Forget that moment of weakness. Turning points only come when you've got something to turn to."
AND THEN HE HOLDS HER HAND.
"Sorry... this isn't the different ending you were looking for. But it's just the way the damn story goes, Jarod."
"Between hell and a turning point." Also known as, Miss Parker in denial.
I'm so sad that there's no way to accurately cap the little head-eye gesture Jarod makes at Parker when Adama (HEE!) finds on the plane when she's not supposed to be and makes her and Lyle and Raines go sit up front, and Jarod's all "I can deal with this, baby! Just you see." AND SHE TOTALLY NODS BACK, COS SHE BELIEVES HIM. THEY R IN LUV.
Later on, her dad uncle is about to jump out of the plane and she (obviously) kind of distraught.
So now the plane is going to crash and Jarod's all "UM I CAN FLY IT GUYS" and Parker yells really loud at Lyle to uncuff him. That's great. And I love how, like, he's about to go save the plane from crashing and he's all "MISS PARKER, COME WITH ME" and she just bounces along after him. Well, not bounces. BUT YOU KNOW. She totally doesn't care at all anymore.
Serously, isn't it nice to have a Jarod is such a sticky situation? Seriously.
BUT THEN IT BLOWS UP. DON'T WORRY EVERYONE LIVES. YAYES.
"*shock*"
Stuff happens where Raines is creepy (creepier?) and he calls Lyle and Parker his kids because, well, I guess they are now. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I can't watch Desperate Housewives:
Okay, so it's definitely been a while since I saw this, but. I never noticed that the lights in the last scene are THE EXACT SAME. Like, they keep moving the same and in the same color spectrum. As in JAROD'S STAYING REALLY CLOSE TO WHEREVER PARKER IS. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"What about... us?"
"You run, I chase. That's the way it's always been."
"Maybe that's the Parker curse."
The end is seriously awesome. Because, like, they were totally going to jump each other if Raines and Mr. Parker hadn't shown up, weren't they? Or, like. SOMETHING. THIS IS WHY I WANT A THIRD MOVIE. SO I CAN HAVE MY JAROD/PARKER SEX.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
(ashdlkajdlajdlaksjdaldjald)
The end.