HEY, GUESS WHAT. I LIKE TV, DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Yo, what an awesome end of season meme. I'm cheating a little by reaching back to October (Farscape!) and March (for Battlestar Galactica and the Stargates), and also expanding the death portion. Stolen from eolivet.
I, uh. I wrote a lot.
WARNING. SPOILERS FOR, LIKE, ANYTHING THAT HAS ALREADY AIRED.
I. DEATH RINGS TWICE.
1. START CARVING THE GRAVESTONES, PEOPLE.
Lennie Briscoe (Law & Order). You will never really die. TNT made sure of that.
Boone Carlyle* (LOST). I spent that entire episode going, "You're not going to die, I read an article that said Walt's going to die, you're not going to die, la la la la la, stop trying to manipulate-- OH MY GOD HE DIED OH MY GOD OH MY GOD." And there's no Rambaldi juice on this JJ show to bring him back! He's actually dead! WHAT the hell. I'll admit that I never really liked Boone all that much; I liked his storyline with Shannon and his potential gay-bonding with Locke, but on his own, he was the weakest character. Thus, DEATH. And see, folks, that's what happens when you sleep with your stepsister (THEY MAY NOT BE BIOLOGICALLY RELATED!)... the island makes you dead.
* I know so many of us think your name is Carlisle, but that fake ticket at MGM says it's Carlyle. *is massively conflicted*
Ka D'Argo (Farscape). Ah, yes, remember THAT? "WHO'S YOUR DADDY??! *DIES IN A BLAZE OF GLORY*"
"Irina Derevko" (Alias). After it turned out that S3's revelation was that Jack had killed you, I spent hours trying to rationalize it away and finding ways for you to return. Would you believe that the only one I didn't come up with was the most obvious, that you had been DOUBLED and Jack had only killed your evil twin? ...also, I just reread that sentence and I can't believe that I'm OBSESSED with a show that has a plotline like that. YOU'RE ALIVE! YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY DEAD! YAAAAAAAAAY.
Yelena Derevko (Alias). You were so lame. The end.
Ethan (LOST). You got shot by a HOBBIT, dude. That's just lame, on the evil scale.
Caleb Nichol (The O.C.). eolivet was right: we were idiots to not see this coming with his heart attack earlier in the season. But, ohhhhhhhhhhhh, Caleb! You have fallen victim to Teh Heart Attack o' Doom for cheesy plot purposes! U dun fall into teh pooooooooooool! Oh, how the mighty... well, fall. Now when I watch your first episode and you turn to Sandy to say, "You've been the smoking the weed again!" I cannot help tearing up. Now, watch Julie be pregnant next season (NOT that I ever want the image of you and Julie having sex-- you're awesome, but not in that way). No, seriously, I'll bet you a hundred bucks that Ms. Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper is knocked up.
Arvin Sloane 2.0 ArvinClone! (Alias). Your storyline seemed SO LAME at the very beginning (seriously, you should have seen the fit of hysterical laughter that permissionslip and I threw), but lo! you were just another tortured, misguided, brainwashed Rambaldi soldier. And we got to see EMILY again, thanks to you! WOOOO HOOOOO. Not to mention that everytime someone said, "Oh my GOD, Ron Rifkin and Joel Grey look related," you can now laugh and say that, technically, there are the same person.
2. ON LIFE SUPPORT, NOOOOOOOOO.
Cmdr. William Adama (Battlestar Galactica). YOU GOT SHOT OHNOES. I think the final scene of "Kobol's Last Gleaming" remains as one of the most shocking moments, simply because it doesn't fall to some of the more lame attempts at giving away by building it up in music or stealthy camera work to show you that somethingisafootnooooo!
Aidan Ford (Stargate: Atlantis). Kidnapped by the Wraith, NOOOOOOOO. But you have to go make pretty half-Wraith babies with TEYLA!! Yes, guys, I ship Ford/Teyla. SHUSH.
John Sheppard (Stargate: Atlantis). Yeah, okay, you just decided to fly a ship that's got a nuclear weapon straight into a Wraith hiveship in hopes of maybe blowing it up, but come on. You're the lead freaking character. I WONDER IF YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO DO IT, GOSH.
"Michael" Vaughn & Sydney Bristow (Alias). Ouch. Car crashes are teh suck. And "Michael," I hope you're alive (well, of course you are, d'uh), just so maybe we can see Sydney kick your ass for being SO LAME.
Nadia Santos (Alias). Being a Rambaldi-ized zombie is also teh suck. Damn, chica, I'm sorry. And just so we're clear, with you and your sister and her maybe-evil-fiance out of commission, and Irina off doing her Derevko thing on her own, and with your dad in prison again, that leaves... Marshall, Weiss, and Jack running APO. Yeah. Next season is going to be GREAT.
Walt (LOST). Pirates! Par-lay! Don't you hurt him, you crazy fuckers.
Danny Taylor & Martin Fitzgerald (Without a Trace). AIM FOR THE TIRES.
*
II. THE S.S. OMGHAVESEXNOWYAAAAAAAYSQUEE.
1. I'M NOT DEAD YET!
Adama/Roslin (Battlestar Galactica): Yeah, any hope I had of a tortured love affair between the two most powerful and thus lonely people left in the human race was pretty much squashed by the time when he threw her in jail for overstepping her Presidential powers, right? Oh, but I still have hope. *clings to final scene of "Colonial Day"*
Benson/Stabler (SVU): I was actually an idiot enough to think that something would happen this season. Mehhh. You know the way it's going to work is, they finally sleep together and then he goes back to his wife, all within the span of, say, two episodes. It's so fucked up and won't last between them, but ohhhhhhh, it still needs to happen.
Harm/Mac (JAG): THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED. Holy crap. There was... actual in-this-reality kissing and I'm pretty sure they had sex before they went to their engagement party and thus caused Mac to have to dress herself in RED because she is a fallen woman now. *DEAD* (And for what it's worth, I think they ended up in SanFran I mean, uh, SAN DIEGO.)
Jack/Irina (Alias): I reiterate, if you had ANY doubts as to the status of this ship while Sydney was missing and prior to jack's being arrested for secretly meeting with Irina, I direct your attention to the scene of them dancing at the British Embassy. GOD. I also never expected to see them on screen together again in ANYTHING beyond flashbacks, so... this was Christmas morning, over and over and over and over and...
Jack/Kate (LOST): Jack doesn't trust you! OHNOES. Surprisingly, I love that he doesn't trust Kate. Angst leads to better sex, after all.
Jack/Samantha (Without a Trace): I, uh, okay, I'm really confused about where you are. God, I can't wait for the part when she tells Jack that she and Martin broke up. And not that I needed it, but I loved your flashback in "Malone V. Malone," because now anyone who claims that your affair was "just sex" is a crazy person. *siiiiigh*
Kara/Lee (Battlestar Galactica): So at least Lee's beginning to wise up to the fact that he likes his dead brother's fiancee. And Kara thinks about Lee while having sex! That's... you know, that's certainly something.
Locke/Rousseau (LOST): Well, Rousseau's not dead and neither is Locke, so their love is still destined to be in the state of nature. What, you thought I was JOKING when I said they were my newest OTP?
Sam/Jack (Stargate): I... think you're together? I think? Fishing is such an awesome metaphor. And hey, we got another AU hookup! YESSSSSSS. Spark will fly. Literally.
Sam/Jack/Daniel/Teal'c (Stargate): Well, it's practically canon now.
Sheppard/Weir (Atlantis): By the end of the season, we were more canon than I ever suspected. And that's all that I ask of you.
Seth/Summer (The OC): *yawn* I never thought I'd say that, but *YAWN*. I am so sick of being manipulated, or even worse, KNOW I'm being manipulated. But OF COURSE Summer was eventually going to pick Seth over Zack.
Teyla/Wraith (Atlantis): HAHAHA. IT'S CANON NOW, SHUSH YOUR MOUTHES.
2. THE SHIP, IT SUNK
Sloane/Irina (Alias): Thank Jesus, and then some.
Sam/Martin (Without a Trace): PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, HANK? *asks nicely*
*
III. HIGHLIGHTS!
Hmm.
- The (SEASON!!) finale of Arrested Development. One can neeeeeeever have too many jokes about incest.
- "Moebius" (Stargate) and "Before I Sleep" (Atlantis). Just because the time travel is STILL fucking with my head.
- Aeryn Sun (Farscape), in the midst of giving birth: "SHOOTING MAKES ME FEEL BETTER!"
- "John Michaels" (Without a Trace) and "Grave Danger" (CSI). Both episodes win the award for doing ingenius character studies. I loved the former's attention to detail, which made it such a treat to watch (for ways to hit one over the head with the meta and thus be annoying about it, see The OC), and also because it was a clever way to see how Jack sees the world around him without overtly saying "JACK THINKS SAM DOESN'T LIKE HIM. JACK THINKS NO ONE CARES." The latter was just incredible, and if it takes bringing in someone like Tarantino to show you that CSI doesn't have to be so lame, than A-OKAY.
- ADAMA GETTING SHOT IN THE FINALE FOR BATTLESTAR GALACTICA HOLY FREAKING CRAP. I gasped and went "HOLY SHIT!" when Boomer shot him the first time, and just sat there with my mouth hanging wide open when she pulled the trigger a second time. And that was just the cap to an incredibly awesome 13 episodes. I really don't NEED to mention Teh Dancing again, do I? Seriously, why isn't all of America watching this show?
- IRINA. FUCKING. DEREVKO. The end.
And the season award goes to... *drumroll*... John Locke. I hate him and I love him and I think I have him figured out and I have NO IDEA what his deal is. Dude, he thinks the island is talking to him. I feel like everytime we learn something about him, it only pushes his characterization further into the unknown. And he has grown as a character, but not really because he has only grown in our minds, in the sense that we know his background and what was Before. But, honestly, as a character in the present, the only thing that he has done was vaguely acquire some people skills. And anyone who's second or so scene was smiling creeiply at Kate with an ORANGE PEEL IN HIS MOUTH? *hands award*
(I wanted to give the award to Irina Derevko, but then I'd be accused of bias. And also, because she was only in two episodes.)
An honorable mention goes to the entirity of LOST, for all the connections and making me wish I still had access to download all of the season, so I can rewatch it and chart it all like I did with the Rambaldi. I mean, um, I wasn't supposed to admit that, OOPS?
I, uh. I wrote a lot.
WARNING. SPOILERS FOR, LIKE, ANYTHING THAT HAS ALREADY AIRED.
I. DEATH RINGS TWICE.
1. START CARVING THE GRAVESTONES, PEOPLE.
Lennie Briscoe (Law & Order). You will never really die. TNT made sure of that.
Boone Carlyle* (LOST). I spent that entire episode going, "You're not going to die, I read an article that said Walt's going to die, you're not going to die, la la la la la, stop trying to manipulate-- OH MY GOD HE DIED OH MY GOD OH MY GOD." And there's no Rambaldi juice on this JJ show to bring him back! He's actually dead! WHAT the hell. I'll admit that I never really liked Boone all that much; I liked his storyline with Shannon and his potential gay-bonding with Locke, but on his own, he was the weakest character. Thus, DEATH. And see, folks, that's what happens when you sleep with your stepsister (THEY MAY NOT BE BIOLOGICALLY RELATED!)... the island makes you dead.
* I know so many of us think your name is Carlisle, but that fake ticket at MGM says it's Carlyle. *is massively conflicted*
Ka D'Argo (Farscape). Ah, yes, remember THAT? "WHO'S YOUR DADDY??! *DIES IN A BLAZE OF GLORY*"
"Irina Derevko" (Alias). After it turned out that S3's revelation was that Jack had killed you, I spent hours trying to rationalize it away and finding ways for you to return. Would you believe that the only one I didn't come up with was the most obvious, that you had been DOUBLED and Jack had only killed your evil twin? ...also, I just reread that sentence and I can't believe that I'm OBSESSED with a show that has a plotline like that. YOU'RE ALIVE! YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY DEAD! YAAAAAAAAAY.
Yelena Derevko (Alias). You were so lame. The end.
Ethan (LOST). You got shot by a HOBBIT, dude. That's just lame, on the evil scale.
Caleb Nichol (The O.C.). eolivet was right: we were idiots to not see this coming with his heart attack earlier in the season. But, ohhhhhhhhhhhh, Caleb! You have fallen victim to Teh Heart Attack o' Doom for cheesy plot purposes! U dun fall into teh pooooooooooool! Oh, how the mighty... well, fall. Now when I watch your first episode and you turn to Sandy to say, "You've been the smoking the weed again!" I cannot help tearing up. Now, watch Julie be pregnant next season (NOT that I ever want the image of you and Julie having sex-- you're awesome, but not in that way). No, seriously, I'll bet you a hundred bucks that Ms. Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper is knocked up.
Arvin Sloane 2.0 ArvinClone! (Alias). Your storyline seemed SO LAME at the very beginning (seriously, you should have seen the fit of hysterical laughter that permissionslip and I threw), but lo! you were just another tortured, misguided, brainwashed Rambaldi soldier. And we got to see EMILY again, thanks to you! WOOOO HOOOOO. Not to mention that everytime someone said, "Oh my GOD, Ron Rifkin and Joel Grey look related," you can now laugh and say that, technically, there are the same person.
2. ON LIFE SUPPORT, NOOOOOOOOO.
Cmdr. William Adama (Battlestar Galactica). YOU GOT SHOT OHNOES. I think the final scene of "Kobol's Last Gleaming" remains as one of the most shocking moments, simply because it doesn't fall to some of the more lame attempts at giving away by building it up in music or stealthy camera work to show you that somethingisafootnooooo!
Aidan Ford (Stargate: Atlantis). Kidnapped by the Wraith, NOOOOOOOO. But you have to go make pretty half-Wraith babies with TEYLA!! Yes, guys, I ship Ford/Teyla. SHUSH.
John Sheppard (Stargate: Atlantis). Yeah, okay, you just decided to fly a ship that's got a nuclear weapon straight into a Wraith hiveship in hopes of maybe blowing it up, but come on. You're the lead freaking character. I WONDER IF YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO DO IT, GOSH.
"Michael" Vaughn & Sydney Bristow (Alias). Ouch. Car crashes are teh suck. And "Michael," I hope you're alive (well, of course you are, d'uh), just so maybe we can see Sydney kick your ass for being SO LAME.
Nadia Santos (Alias). Being a Rambaldi-ized zombie is also teh suck. Damn, chica, I'm sorry. And just so we're clear, with you and your sister and her maybe-evil-fiance out of commission, and Irina off doing her Derevko thing on her own, and with your dad in prison again, that leaves... Marshall, Weiss, and Jack running APO. Yeah. Next season is going to be GREAT.
Walt (LOST). Pirates! Par-lay! Don't you hurt him, you crazy fuckers.
Danny Taylor & Martin Fitzgerald (Without a Trace). AIM FOR THE TIRES.
*
II. THE S.S. OMGHAVESEXNOWYAAAAAAAYSQUEE.
1. I'M NOT DEAD YET!
Adama/Roslin (Battlestar Galactica): Yeah, any hope I had of a tortured love affair between the two most powerful and thus lonely people left in the human race was pretty much squashed by the time when he threw her in jail for overstepping her Presidential powers, right? Oh, but I still have hope. *clings to final scene of "Colonial Day"*
Benson/Stabler (SVU): I was actually an idiot enough to think that something would happen this season. Mehhh. You know the way it's going to work is, they finally sleep together and then he goes back to his wife, all within the span of, say, two episodes. It's so fucked up and won't last between them, but ohhhhhhh, it still needs to happen.
Harm/Mac (JAG): THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED. Holy crap. There was... actual in-this-reality kissing and I'm pretty sure they had sex before they went to their engagement party and thus caused Mac to have to dress herself in RED because she is a fallen woman now. *DEAD* (And for what it's worth, I think they ended up in SanFran I mean, uh, SAN DIEGO.)
Jack/Irina (Alias): I reiterate, if you had ANY doubts as to the status of this ship while Sydney was missing and prior to jack's being arrested for secretly meeting with Irina, I direct your attention to the scene of them dancing at the British Embassy. GOD. I also never expected to see them on screen together again in ANYTHING beyond flashbacks, so... this was Christmas morning, over and over and over and over and...
Jack/Kate (LOST): Jack doesn't trust you! OHNOES. Surprisingly, I love that he doesn't trust Kate. Angst leads to better sex, after all.
Jack/Samantha (Without a Trace): I, uh, okay, I'm really confused about where you are. God, I can't wait for the part when she tells Jack that she and Martin broke up. And not that I needed it, but I loved your flashback in "Malone V. Malone," because now anyone who claims that your affair was "just sex" is a crazy person. *siiiiigh*
Kara/Lee (Battlestar Galactica): So at least Lee's beginning to wise up to the fact that he likes his dead brother's fiancee. And Kara thinks about Lee while having sex! That's... you know, that's certainly something.
Locke/Rousseau (LOST): Well, Rousseau's not dead and neither is Locke, so their love is still destined to be in the state of nature. What, you thought I was JOKING when I said they were my newest OTP?
Sam/Jack (Stargate): I... think you're together? I think? Fishing is such an awesome metaphor. And hey, we got another AU hookup! YESSSSSSS. Spark will fly. Literally.
Sam/Jack/Daniel/Teal'c (Stargate): Well, it's practically canon now.
Sheppard/Weir (Atlantis): By the end of the season, we were more canon than I ever suspected. And that's all that I ask of you.
Seth/Summer (The OC): *yawn* I never thought I'd say that, but *YAWN*. I am so sick of being manipulated, or even worse, KNOW I'm being manipulated. But OF COURSE Summer was eventually going to pick Seth over Zack.
Teyla/Wraith (Atlantis): HAHAHA. IT'S CANON NOW, SHUSH YOUR MOUTHES.
2. THE SHIP, IT SUNK
Sloane/Irina (Alias): Thank Jesus, and then some.
Sam/Martin (Without a Trace): PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, HANK? *asks nicely*
*
III. HIGHLIGHTS!
Hmm.
- The (SEASON!!) finale of Arrested Development. One can neeeeeeever have too many jokes about incest.
- "Moebius" (Stargate) and "Before I Sleep" (Atlantis). Just because the time travel is STILL fucking with my head.
- Aeryn Sun (Farscape), in the midst of giving birth: "SHOOTING MAKES ME FEEL BETTER!"
- "John Michaels" (Without a Trace) and "Grave Danger" (CSI). Both episodes win the award for doing ingenius character studies. I loved the former's attention to detail, which made it such a treat to watch (for ways to hit one over the head with the meta and thus be annoying about it, see The OC), and also because it was a clever way to see how Jack sees the world around him without overtly saying "JACK THINKS SAM DOESN'T LIKE HIM. JACK THINKS NO ONE CARES." The latter was just incredible, and if it takes bringing in someone like Tarantino to show you that CSI doesn't have to be so lame, than A-OKAY.
- ADAMA GETTING SHOT IN THE FINALE FOR BATTLESTAR GALACTICA HOLY FREAKING CRAP. I gasped and went "HOLY SHIT!" when Boomer shot him the first time, and just sat there with my mouth hanging wide open when she pulled the trigger a second time. And that was just the cap to an incredibly awesome 13 episodes. I really don't NEED to mention Teh Dancing again, do I? Seriously, why isn't all of America watching this show?
- IRINA. FUCKING. DEREVKO. The end.
And the season award goes to... *drumroll*... John Locke. I hate him and I love him and I think I have him figured out and I have NO IDEA what his deal is. Dude, he thinks the island is talking to him. I feel like everytime we learn something about him, it only pushes his characterization further into the unknown. And he has grown as a character, but not really because he has only grown in our minds, in the sense that we know his background and what was Before. But, honestly, as a character in the present, the only thing that he has done was vaguely acquire some people skills. And anyone who's second or so scene was smiling creeiply at Kate with an ORANGE PEEL IN HIS MOUTH? *hands award*
(I wanted to give the award to Irina Derevko, but then I'd be accused of bias. And also, because she was only in two episodes.)
An honorable mention goes to the entirity of LOST, for all the connections and making me wish I still had access to download all of the season, so I can rewatch it and chart it all like I did with the Rambaldi. I mean, um, I wasn't supposed to admit that, OOPS?