romulus & remus
(First of all, can I geek out for a second? REMEMBER ROUSSEAU'S SONG? THE ONE SHANNON TRANSLATES OFF THOSE MAPS OR WHATEVER IN SEASON 1? "La Mer"/"Beyond the Sea"? How disgustingly perfect is it that the original French lyrics are all about how pretty and awesome the sea is - bergere d'azure infinie, "a shepherdess of infinite blue" - aka JACOB, while the English translation is a love song for someone/something that is quite literally BEYOND the sea [THE BOY WITH NO NAME]?! Yeah. Mind, she is blown. BUT ANYWAY)
Um.
but actually, wtf was that I just watched?
It's not that I'm not down with the concrete mythology. A MAGICAL CAVE OF LIGHT is, like, no less plausible than the main premise of the show being A PLANE CRASHES ON A ~MYSTERIOUS ISLAND or PREGNANT LADIES ARE BAD LUCK or THIS DUDE CAN ANIMATE DEAD PEOPLE AND ALSO TURN INTO SMOKE. Like. Totally. And that Jacob and Boy Without a Name (of fucking course) were twins of the same mother - it's a cliche, but these things are narrative cliches for a reason, whatever. All the best cowboys have daddy issues, remember. That CJ Cregg was there, as their mother and thus the old Jacob - hahaha, okay, I'll bet in her new life, she is reincarnated as White House Press Secretary, and Sam and Josh are like her new two stolen twin boys (SOMEONE WRITE ME THIS FIC). That Boy Without a Name kills their mother (did he? really? or was she already dead and he just released her from whatever form it was?) and in anger, Jacob kills him thus turning him into the Smoke Monster? Then Jacob buries them in the caves and they are thus the famed Adam & Eve skeletons (.................Jack & Kate, sadface)? Again - totally down.
Yeah, except you absolutely could have told that part of the story in like 20 minutes tops (not! even!), then moved onto to something actually answer-y and involving THE TIME JIN SUN AND SAYID FREAKING DIED LAST WEEK AND IT WAS KIND OF THE MOST HORRENDOUS THING EVER FOR ME IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. Is this just what answers feel like? Am I so addicted to the deliciousness of "WTFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" that, when actually confronted with bold-faced answers, I cannot compute? This episode had a lot of expectations to live up for, and far far far FAR more ways it could have fucked than it could have succeeded, so I don't begrudge it for trying... but at the same time, if you commit to saying, "Okay, we are going to sit down and talk about Jacob and (whatever that other dude's name is; sike, he doesn't have a name)," you have to know it has to be perfect. And this - wasn't. Not... at. All.
Or-
Uh oh.
Or maybe am I beginning to realize that LOST feels it has to hold my hand and EXPLAIN THINGS to me? (I am coming around to another sad, sort of elitist confession: I do not understand how people cannot understand this show. Not, you know, not in that ~I don't get it~ way - WE ALL DON'T GET IT, THAT'S MOST OF THE POINT OF WATCHING IN THE FIRST PLACE, BECAUSE WE DO NOT LIVE IN THE WRITERS' BRAINS - but those people who, you know, are generally perplexed by things. Um. Did that come out wrong?) That maybe it is not longer my abusive boyfriend, oh no no no, it is... my condensing and sort of douchey one who orders entrees in a French restaurant with a stupid accent even though the waitress, while nice, is clearly from Queens or something.
I-
Uh oh.