Broken down.
I had my emotional break down about my house being sold today.
I had to go to ER to deposit money and I visited one of my best friends. I decided to drive by the house to... say goodbye. I drove into the driveway and just looked at it. It was so empty. I couldn't even go in because I gave my father my key. After about 30 seconds I just started crying. I cried harder than I have in a really long time. I started thinking about all the memories I've had there. It felt like they would all wash away once the new family moved in there. Then I started thinking about our old dog, Barkley. I kept thinking that once it was someone else's house... we'd forget about Barkley! I don't want to forget about Barkley. He got me through so many hard times when I was little. He was the only one who listened to me. (Now keep in mind I was super emotional). I started backing out of the the driveway and noticed that our "Skogstad" door knocker was still on the door. I'm thinking... oh my gosh, my parents forgot to take it!
So, I called my Dad (all moved in at Browerville) and asked him about it.
"Aren't you taking the door knocker?" (Kind of in between breaths when you don't want someone to know when you're crying)
"No, it would leave holes in the door"
"Oh."
"Does that make you sad?"
"... (breath)... (breath)... y-yes." (cue me sobbing uncontrollably.)
Then I continued to cry to my father about everything that's going on in my life... jobs, moving, teaching... and everything else in between. It was good. I'm still sad that I'm no longer allowed in my childhood home. The one with my initials in the cement. The one with the rock marking old Pepper's grave. The one that was... mine. It's sad. Sadder than I thought. It just makes me remember that I am 22. I'm no longer the little girl that needs to be looked after.
But sometimes... it'd just be nice to be looked after again. I'm all on my own, and it's scary.
I had to go to ER to deposit money and I visited one of my best friends. I decided to drive by the house to... say goodbye. I drove into the driveway and just looked at it. It was so empty. I couldn't even go in because I gave my father my key. After about 30 seconds I just started crying. I cried harder than I have in a really long time. I started thinking about all the memories I've had there. It felt like they would all wash away once the new family moved in there. Then I started thinking about our old dog, Barkley. I kept thinking that once it was someone else's house... we'd forget about Barkley! I don't want to forget about Barkley. He got me through so many hard times when I was little. He was the only one who listened to me. (Now keep in mind I was super emotional). I started backing out of the the driveway and noticed that our "Skogstad" door knocker was still on the door. I'm thinking... oh my gosh, my parents forgot to take it!
So, I called my Dad (all moved in at Browerville) and asked him about it.
"Aren't you taking the door knocker?" (Kind of in between breaths when you don't want someone to know when you're crying)
"No, it would leave holes in the door"
"Oh."
"Does that make you sad?"
"... (breath)... (breath)... y-yes." (cue me sobbing uncontrollably.)
Then I continued to cry to my father about everything that's going on in my life... jobs, moving, teaching... and everything else in between. It was good. I'm still sad that I'm no longer allowed in my childhood home. The one with my initials in the cement. The one with the rock marking old Pepper's grave. The one that was... mine. It's sad. Sadder than I thought. It just makes me remember that I am 22. I'm no longer the little girl that needs to be looked after.
But sometimes... it'd just be nice to be looked after again. I'm all on my own, and it's scary.