.i'm lovin angels instead.
Life is such a simple word but with such a complex meaning.
I mean seriously...what is the actual definiton of life? i mena yea there is a term in the dictionary..but its just like the word love. who is to really know what the real meaning of either is. i mean we all think we have been in love. we all think that we are going to be in love. but who is to really know? no one... i know people who have been with someone for 5 years and plan on being together forever and think theyare in love .. i mean i know people who are in love for 10 years and married and then they just fall out of love..so obviously it was never TRUE real LOVE ... maybe just a friendship love..but who is to really know the truth of it.. i dont think anyone...its hard to say but i mean.. i personally have never been in love. honestly beacuse i think i am afraid to let myself be fall so hard in love because i am so afraid of getting hurt..
but wahtever. i hate thinking bout it. i hate whne i do think about it cuz it just gets me down and in these shit ass moods. where i think about everything and then just break down. its so stupid. and it happens to me like a month out of the year every year... mea nd my boss were talking about it and the same thing happens to her ... its like we're such laid back people and just so happy go lucky and whatever happens happens...and spontaneous that when it rains it fuckin pours. and it sucks.
i have always told myself that life is really not THAT bad and i can make it and im fine and everything will be ok. but what if everything isnt going to be okay? what if i never do fall in love and no one ever falls in love wiht me ... honestly i can tell you right now that is my biggest fear in the world...and i really hope i am not alone for the rest of my life .. because i would just not be happy. i am fine right now just having fun being single and doing what i want ... but there's going to come a point and i am not going to want to be like this any more .. im going to want to settle down and be in love and get married.. i just want to find the one .. i just want to be one of those lucky people ...
ahhhh...
but i just dont know what to think sometimes. i get wicked confused and pissed off and i want to tweak right out ... but i hold it all in. i dont talk to anyone cuz i dont want to burden anyone with my shit... everyone has problems of their own..and i guess that is why im venting in here right now because i am so sick of holding it all in .. yet there's still so much more that i just keep inside of me and it makes me fuckin all pissy i guess...i know its not good but its just how i am...
i just havent felt like myself at all lately...and i dont know when this feeling is going to exit
friday was 5 years since my aunt patty died...and i miss her so much. i never realy talk about it because i still think about her every day and i hate friday august 13th every year ... bad enough it was friday the 13th.. i just hate the 13th of any month period cuz i feel like i just have to sit by the phone and wait for a phone call ...
but it sucks because i just wish she could see me now. not that i am a huge succesful friggen graduate but i did graduate high school.. i have my license i have my own car... and its just crazy how much we take things and people for granted.. i would fuckin give both my legs my tits my arms and be paralyzed forever just to be able to see her again.. i love her and miss her so much and it just doesnt seem fair. she was the nicest sweetest person in the world...why'd god have to take her? maybe because he has a better plan for heR?thats what they try to tell me ... but i just dont know .. i just wish things were different.. i wish i could see her one last time and tell her i love her and actually get a chance to say good bye...but i cant.. i guess i just have to see her when i see her ....
wouldnt be surprised if it is kinda soon...
wouldnt be real upset if it was soon....cuz sometimes it just feels like there is nothing to live for..
no im not going to commit suicide cuz i am not a selfish person and that is the most selfish thing anyone could do...
but ya never know when you're gonna be next... ya know?
its a crazy thought.
but ive totally been rambling forever and im sure no one even read this.. haha but oh well. it made me feel better...
*To those of you leaving for school soon i just want you to know im going to miss you like crazy and i hope we stay friends forever...-select few yes i will miss more then others. and you know who you are... but i hope that things stay the same with us .. and i hope that i see you and talk to you on a regular basis...i love you guys.
*Good night crazy world
I mean seriously...what is the actual definiton of life? i mena yea there is a term in the dictionary..but its just like the word love. who is to really know what the real meaning of either is. i mean we all think we have been in love. we all think that we are going to be in love. but who is to really know? no one... i know people who have been with someone for 5 years and plan on being together forever and think theyare in love .. i mean i know people who are in love for 10 years and married and then they just fall out of love..so obviously it was never TRUE real LOVE ... maybe just a friendship love..but who is to really know the truth of it.. i dont think anyone...its hard to say but i mean.. i personally have never been in love. honestly beacuse i think i am afraid to let myself be fall so hard in love because i am so afraid of getting hurt..
but wahtever. i hate thinking bout it. i hate whne i do think about it cuz it just gets me down and in these shit ass moods. where i think about everything and then just break down. its so stupid. and it happens to me like a month out of the year every year... mea nd my boss were talking about it and the same thing happens to her ... its like we're such laid back people and just so happy go lucky and whatever happens happens...and spontaneous that when it rains it fuckin pours. and it sucks.
i have always told myself that life is really not THAT bad and i can make it and im fine and everything will be ok. but what if everything isnt going to be okay? what if i never do fall in love and no one ever falls in love wiht me ... honestly i can tell you right now that is my biggest fear in the world...and i really hope i am not alone for the rest of my life .. because i would just not be happy. i am fine right now just having fun being single and doing what i want ... but there's going to come a point and i am not going to want to be like this any more .. im going to want to settle down and be in love and get married.. i just want to find the one .. i just want to be one of those lucky people ...
ahhhh...
but i just dont know what to think sometimes. i get wicked confused and pissed off and i want to tweak right out ... but i hold it all in. i dont talk to anyone cuz i dont want to burden anyone with my shit... everyone has problems of their own..and i guess that is why im venting in here right now because i am so sick of holding it all in .. yet there's still so much more that i just keep inside of me and it makes me fuckin all pissy i guess...i know its not good but its just how i am...
i just havent felt like myself at all lately...and i dont know when this feeling is going to exit
friday was 5 years since my aunt patty died...and i miss her so much. i never realy talk about it because i still think about her every day and i hate friday august 13th every year ... bad enough it was friday the 13th.. i just hate the 13th of any month period cuz i feel like i just have to sit by the phone and wait for a phone call ...
but it sucks because i just wish she could see me now. not that i am a huge succesful friggen graduate but i did graduate high school.. i have my license i have my own car... and its just crazy how much we take things and people for granted.. i would fuckin give both my legs my tits my arms and be paralyzed forever just to be able to see her again.. i love her and miss her so much and it just doesnt seem fair. she was the nicest sweetest person in the world...why'd god have to take her? maybe because he has a better plan for heR?thats what they try to tell me ... but i just dont know .. i just wish things were different.. i wish i could see her one last time and tell her i love her and actually get a chance to say good bye...but i cant.. i guess i just have to see her when i see her ....
wouldnt be surprised if it is kinda soon...
wouldnt be real upset if it was soon....cuz sometimes it just feels like there is nothing to live for..
no im not going to commit suicide cuz i am not a selfish person and that is the most selfish thing anyone could do...
but ya never know when you're gonna be next... ya know?
its a crazy thought.
but ive totally been rambling forever and im sure no one even read this.. haha but oh well. it made me feel better...
*To those of you leaving for school soon i just want you to know im going to miss you like crazy and i hope we stay friends forever...-select few yes i will miss more then others. and you know who you are... but i hope that things stay the same with us .. and i hope that i see you and talk to you on a regular basis...i love you guys.
*Good night crazy world