What became of everything I used to know
For the past several years of my life, I've been a straight edge, and I've been encouraging the people I care about to be so also. And then for some reason, a few weeks ago, I just kinda gave up. I'm not too sure why. I just let all of my convictions go down the drain. And as much as this bothered me, I still drank. Tonight wasn't really anything special. I got slobberingly drunk. So drunk, I don't think I could see. I couldn't stand. I did behave myself and listen to Shawn when he would day no more, or go lay down, or whatever. And then, I didn't feel good. After kneeling on the floor for a while, arguing with my imaginary friend why I didn't want to throw up, and he thought it would be a good idea, I gave in, and puked. A lot. In all fairness, I don't think I've ever threw up so much in my life. He was right, it was a good idea. For several reasons, and I'll tell you why. 1.) I felt better afterwords. It was almost immediatly sobering. 2.) This may sounds lame to all the cool kids that do drink, but I did realize what I was doing. I voluntarily was poisoning my body. If you think about it, this body isn't yours to keep. You don't take it with you when you go. I'm totally damaging the only thing that's as close to being mine as I'll get. And I figured out for the first time why I turned straight edge in the first place. After I started drinking, what really bugged me was that I didn't know why I put all my efforts into being a straight edge in the first place. I just was. And that's no good. I had nothing to back me up besides hollow "it's not good for your body." So, yeah. I'm lame. I'm lame because drinking has been the thing that has strengthened my convictions. And it's not just because I hate puking. Wow, I suck. Well, I do believe that the light of the monitor and the clicking of the keys is irritating Shawn, because he's trying to sleep.
Jes
Jes