Let tomorrow come and take my time away
I'm wondering what's going on. Things seem so crazy and dull at the same time. I keep having these crazy dreams that I would prefer not to have. But if you could control your dreams, then they would be sort of pointless, wouldn't they? I'm only a sophomore in college, and I'm panicking about the rest of my life. Grad schools, where am I going to get a job, where am I going to live, am I going to spend eight years in school only to work as a waitress? You know what I really want to do? I would love to be in a band. I can't write music, but I take direction well. I just can't find anyone who wants to play the same music I do. I'm definitely not talented enough to play on stage with Pat, Brandon loves metal, and I don't. Does everyone go through an identity crisis everyday for years? You know, I'm not really paying attention to what I'm writing. I hate that. It makes all my thoughts seem like mindless dribble, when I can't convey them as they should be. But anyway, back to my identity crisis... I feel so hollow. Like I've just been a random collection of everyone I've ever known. Nothing original to this gal. I find that my artwork is even unoriginal. I need to get some direction with this entry here.
School is the same. I'm kicking myself for taking psy 203 instead of psy 213, but it's a little late now. I have to wait until fall semester to take it. I fucked up my prerequisites, and I could have taken psy 15 this semester, but I didn't and I have to wait until next semester, but that sets back a bunch of classes I need to take. I'm sooo slacking off on my psych studying, too. I'm just at the point of not caring, but I can't be like that. I have to do this. Not just because I'm paying for it. I want this. I have to keep telling mysef that I want this, that I can do this.
I don't want to talk about school. I really don't want to say that life sucks, because I have nothing to compare it to. But I guess I had better expectations. I never thought it would be like this. It's kind of a long string of disappointments. There are a few nice peaks, but I am so frustrated. I'm tired of working so hard, and having really nothing to show for it. What good is it, if your the only one that thinks your awesome? I know how bad I kick ass, because I really do. I'm a supportive, giving, loving person. I'm just so tired of being lonely. I'm so sure that I was a Siamese twin in a past life. I was never alone, with someone who understand me as an individual, even though I was half of them. I can only imagine the secret language we spoke together. That's why the loneliness in this world is almost unbearable. I know, it seems like I'm being so dramatic. But it's really hard giving all of yourself, with no exception, to someone else, and just having it thrown back at you. Couldn't someone just take me, and keep me? I can make a solid promise that I'm worth that.
I am not pathetic for being lonely. I don't care who reads this, and might think that. I am just a person like no other. Well, that's that.
Jes
School is the same. I'm kicking myself for taking psy 203 instead of psy 213, but it's a little late now. I have to wait until fall semester to take it. I fucked up my prerequisites, and I could have taken psy 15 this semester, but I didn't and I have to wait until next semester, but that sets back a bunch of classes I need to take. I'm sooo slacking off on my psych studying, too. I'm just at the point of not caring, but I can't be like that. I have to do this. Not just because I'm paying for it. I want this. I have to keep telling mysef that I want this, that I can do this.
I don't want to talk about school. I really don't want to say that life sucks, because I have nothing to compare it to. But I guess I had better expectations. I never thought it would be like this. It's kind of a long string of disappointments. There are a few nice peaks, but I am so frustrated. I'm tired of working so hard, and having really nothing to show for it. What good is it, if your the only one that thinks your awesome? I know how bad I kick ass, because I really do. I'm a supportive, giving, loving person. I'm just so tired of being lonely. I'm so sure that I was a Siamese twin in a past life. I was never alone, with someone who understand me as an individual, even though I was half of them. I can only imagine the secret language we spoke together. That's why the loneliness in this world is almost unbearable. I know, it seems like I'm being so dramatic. But it's really hard giving all of yourself, with no exception, to someone else, and just having it thrown back at you. Couldn't someone just take me, and keep me? I can make a solid promise that I'm worth that.
I am not pathetic for being lonely. I don't care who reads this, and might think that. I am just a person like no other. Well, that's that.
Jes