Screws fall in and screws fall out
Did you ever wonder what the hell your doing? Most often, I'm walking around in a fog, and I never know quite where I am. I have no idea where I'm going or where I want to go. I panic. I freak out. And no one knows. Do I really hide it that well? Am I that talented that I'm having a nervous break down, but I seem calm cool and collected? I have no money. None. I'm not kidding. I'm freaking out about how to pay my bills, and I try to share this with people, and they go, "It will be ok." Oh? Because you say so, it'll all be fine? How do you know? Are you even listening to me? I'm getting tired of not being taken seriously. Do they think I'm lying about being broke? That I'm joking? I'm trying to stay afloat in shallow water here, and everyone just passes me by.
So, I have this life I've gotta start getting together. That's up there on my "Reasons For a Panic Attack" list. This is what I want to do: get my B.A. in psychology, then get my B.A. in Japanese and go teach english is Japan. I tell people this, and I've literally been laughed at. It's taken some serious consideration to figure out some sort of outline for a plan here. I've done some research. I can do this. I'll admit, there are other options I'm looking into. I could major in German and stay here. I could major in Japanese and stay here. I just know I gotta get something together.
I'm irresponsible. I'm a mess. But I surprise people. I don't surprise myself though. I know what I've been through in my past. Not a whole lot of people could emotionally survive my life, but I have. You know, I'm so tempted to up and go. Just leave. Just pack up some shit, get in my car and leave. I could always use my favorite excuse: I'm bipolar and in a manic episode. It's beyond my control. I'm prone to going crazy.
Ah what the fuck. What am I doing? I'm in a total state of moritorium. Shit.
So, I have this life I've gotta start getting together. That's up there on my "Reasons For a Panic Attack" list. This is what I want to do: get my B.A. in psychology, then get my B.A. in Japanese and go teach english is Japan. I tell people this, and I've literally been laughed at. It's taken some serious consideration to figure out some sort of outline for a plan here. I've done some research. I can do this. I'll admit, there are other options I'm looking into. I could major in German and stay here. I could major in Japanese and stay here. I just know I gotta get something together.
I'm irresponsible. I'm a mess. But I surprise people. I don't surprise myself though. I know what I've been through in my past. Not a whole lot of people could emotionally survive my life, but I have. You know, I'm so tempted to up and go. Just leave. Just pack up some shit, get in my car and leave. I could always use my favorite excuse: I'm bipolar and in a manic episode. It's beyond my control. I'm prone to going crazy.
Ah what the fuck. What am I doing? I'm in a total state of moritorium. Shit.