David Duchovny, why don't you love me?
Yeah, so I'm at work now. I can't complain too much. It's a really great job. I work with the nicest people, I have the greatest boss, extremely flexible and understanding, plus this will look great on my resume. I just wish they'd give me more to do. Out of a seven hour day I usually do maybe a total of three or for hours of actual work. Like Monday for example, I talked to Dan on the IM for three hours.
I've been wanting to talk about my grandma's death for a long time now, but not here while I'm at work. I don't want to get emotional here. So I'll just fake myself out and talk about happy stuff. Things with Dan are going great. We see each other two or three times a week, we usually just end up hanging out at my house. He is such a goofball. He has this retard impression with is a retard to a T, but it's just not cool when we're lying around naked, ya know? There's a time and a place for everything. But anyway... he treats me so good, almost too good, and it's great, and I love it, but I'm almost afraid to trust it. Like this is too good to be true. He doesn't just compliment me on how hot I am, he tells me things like I'm the kind of girl guys dream about (and he didn't mean that in the wet dream way). One of my favorite dates EVER was when we went to Toys R Us and he chased me around on a pogo stick, then bombarded me with bouncee balls, then made me re-enact a light saber scene from Star Wars with rolls of wrapping paper, and to finish it off gave me a piggy back ride to the car. With Dan I can be my true self. All of me. I can be upset about dumb things, I can find asinine things funny, I can be gross, I tell him things that no one else knows about me, I can count on him. But, in all honesty, I find this whole thing scary. Like I said, it's got to be too good to be true. Ok, so maybe it's not all too good to be true, I take that back. He won't just go for it. He tells me how much he likes me, he'll get naked with me, he'll be intimate with me, he'll do pretty much everything with me, but he won't make me his girlfriend. Why? That hurts, you know? Does he have something else going on? Am I just a "Well, I'm bored, so this will do for now" thing? His "I just want to be sure" answer isn't really working any more. When he said to me in the car that he just didn't want a girlfriend, god, that freaking killed me. What the fuck does he think this is? It's everything except him admitting it. He even realizes it, he just won't admit it. We joke about me being his "psuedogirlfriend". I don't know. Jesus, now I'm all bummed out about it. Great. I try not to question it or push the issue. I try to just go on he makes me happy. He tells me things like I can trust him, and if another girl gave him her number he wouldn't call her, and things like that but I'm afraid to trust him under the circumstances he's put me under. Well, I think the horse it dead.
Jes
I've been wanting to talk about my grandma's death for a long time now, but not here while I'm at work. I don't want to get emotional here. So I'll just fake myself out and talk about happy stuff. Things with Dan are going great. We see each other two or three times a week, we usually just end up hanging out at my house. He is such a goofball. He has this retard impression with is a retard to a T, but it's just not cool when we're lying around naked, ya know? There's a time and a place for everything. But anyway... he treats me so good, almost too good, and it's great, and I love it, but I'm almost afraid to trust it. Like this is too good to be true. He doesn't just compliment me on how hot I am, he tells me things like I'm the kind of girl guys dream about (and he didn't mean that in the wet dream way). One of my favorite dates EVER was when we went to Toys R Us and he chased me around on a pogo stick, then bombarded me with bouncee balls, then made me re-enact a light saber scene from Star Wars with rolls of wrapping paper, and to finish it off gave me a piggy back ride to the car. With Dan I can be my true self. All of me. I can be upset about dumb things, I can find asinine things funny, I can be gross, I tell him things that no one else knows about me, I can count on him. But, in all honesty, I find this whole thing scary. Like I said, it's got to be too good to be true. Ok, so maybe it's not all too good to be true, I take that back. He won't just go for it. He tells me how much he likes me, he'll get naked with me, he'll be intimate with me, he'll do pretty much everything with me, but he won't make me his girlfriend. Why? That hurts, you know? Does he have something else going on? Am I just a "Well, I'm bored, so this will do for now" thing? His "I just want to be sure" answer isn't really working any more. When he said to me in the car that he just didn't want a girlfriend, god, that freaking killed me. What the fuck does he think this is? It's everything except him admitting it. He even realizes it, he just won't admit it. We joke about me being his "psuedogirlfriend". I don't know. Jesus, now I'm all bummed out about it. Great. I try not to question it or push the issue. I try to just go on he makes me happy. He tells me things like I can trust him, and if another girl gave him her number he wouldn't call her, and things like that but I'm afraid to trust him under the circumstances he's put me under. Well, I think the horse it dead.
Jes