(no subject)
today is edgar's birthday and i made him half a medieval feast with the whole of my heart. it didn't turn out the way i wanted, no palace of natural arts in the background, no parisian accordian player, but i excuse myself for all that because if things always went the way i envision (and the way every woman envisions), there would be no need for heaven or hell.
plus, medieval recipes really suck ass because the truth is they are not recipes at all. it goes something like, "first you drain the blood of a young pheasant. then you cook it good and well with spices. tell the pastry chef to make a tasty dough and if you do not have a good obedient chef who will do so you shall whip him." so like do i kill the pheasant? do i bake it? what exactly are spices? and what does "cook it good" entail?
so if anyone wants to know about medieval dining, i am the person to go to. yes, it's true that i am a charming, quirky, warm character that you would love to learn cooking from of julia childs domain, but it's more important that you realize i'm the only person on earth who still knows anytihg about medieval cuisine. me and that guy who wrote the fantastic book.
today i cooked again and this time it was not so horrible. mehammed, my assistant, knows how to put a condom on with only his mouth. i think we make a good team. LAUREN BECK called me in the middle of it and i'm soooo excited about her coming here this weekend. it will definitely be good times all around.
now i am in edgar's house by myself because he has gone off drinking with his buddies. hopefully he doesn't come home too drunk because my life feels like a belle and sebastian song.
plus, medieval recipes really suck ass because the truth is they are not recipes at all. it goes something like, "first you drain the blood of a young pheasant. then you cook it good and well with spices. tell the pastry chef to make a tasty dough and if you do not have a good obedient chef who will do so you shall whip him." so like do i kill the pheasant? do i bake it? what exactly are spices? and what does "cook it good" entail?
so if anyone wants to know about medieval dining, i am the person to go to. yes, it's true that i am a charming, quirky, warm character that you would love to learn cooking from of julia childs domain, but it's more important that you realize i'm the only person on earth who still knows anytihg about medieval cuisine. me and that guy who wrote the fantastic book.
today i cooked again and this time it was not so horrible. mehammed, my assistant, knows how to put a condom on with only his mouth. i think we make a good team. LAUREN BECK called me in the middle of it and i'm soooo excited about her coming here this weekend. it will definitely be good times all around.
now i am in edgar's house by myself because he has gone off drinking with his buddies. hopefully he doesn't come home too drunk because my life feels like a belle and sebastian song.