(no subject)
I think I might have made a dumb decision just now but I have not yet excuted my plan. I just know that right now, the anxiety I am experiencing and the questions/doubts I have about my abilities in something I made myself believe I wanted/could do is not worth it.
Maybe I'll regret this, maybe I won't.
I just cannot afford to continue with this knot in my stomach, my inability to eat (I lost 4 lbs just this week) and my constant panic attacks. They say 'give it time' but is the time that I give worth the above mentioned? Aside from when I left W&M for a semester, I don't think I've ever been as torn up as I have been this past week. To say this has been the longest week of my life since school ended is understatement. The nauseous feelings, the uncertainity, and the frustration have been almost too much.
If this wasn't the 2nd time around that this is happening, I wouldn't feel as bad. I just need to do this for myself, right?
Maybe the results of Tuesday will help set my mind and conscience at ease and make this easier for me to carry out.
I know I'm going to do it. It's just how I'll feel while I do it and afterwards that I'll have to deal with when the time comes. I just know that those feelings won't compare to how I feel right now.
If you think you know what I'm talkin about, feel free to give some input or advice. I know this sounds very cryptic, especially since I've been so absent from LJ these past months. It's reasons like this that I have stayed away 'cause since school, nothing has been certain or as pleasant as I thought it all would be. Writing is my therapy but we all have our problems, issues, etc. so why should I add mine to the list on here?
Give me a month and I'll feel better in some way.
Th
Maybe I'll regret this, maybe I won't.
I just cannot afford to continue with this knot in my stomach, my inability to eat (I lost 4 lbs just this week) and my constant panic attacks. They say 'give it time' but is the time that I give worth the above mentioned? Aside from when I left W&M for a semester, I don't think I've ever been as torn up as I have been this past week. To say this has been the longest week of my life since school ended is understatement. The nauseous feelings, the uncertainity, and the frustration have been almost too much.
If this wasn't the 2nd time around that this is happening, I wouldn't feel as bad. I just need to do this for myself, right?
Maybe the results of Tuesday will help set my mind and conscience at ease and make this easier for me to carry out.
I know I'm going to do it. It's just how I'll feel while I do it and afterwards that I'll have to deal with when the time comes. I just know that those feelings won't compare to how I feel right now.
If you think you know what I'm talkin about, feel free to give some input or advice. I know this sounds very cryptic, especially since I've been so absent from LJ these past months. It's reasons like this that I have stayed away 'cause since school, nothing has been certain or as pleasant as I thought it all would be. Writing is my therapy but we all have our problems, issues, etc. so why should I add mine to the list on here?
Give me a month and I'll feel better in some way.
Th