Can I just go in a coma for a month or so? I think that'd be nice.
I'm tired of living. I'm not saying that in a I want to die/hate my life way. I'm just tired...literally exhausted because of life. Exhausted because I have the same routine everyday. Because history repeats itself time and again. Because whenever things seem to be going my way, they never end up how I envisioned them. Because i keep changing, but my life keeps going in circles. No matter how different I am, things are always the same. I'm tired of doing work to get a grade that doesn't really matter that much in the long run. I'm tired of doing busy work. I'm tired of wasting time. I'm tired of trying to be so motivated...when really if you have to try to by motivated, you really not going to be that motivated. I'm tired of wanting something so bad it hurts. I think that's how I live my life. Maybe I'm incredibly selffish. Maybe most people are. Maybe I just think I'm selfish. Everything I do is to get to a place where everything in my life is perfect. I once had an arguement with someone over whether life was based on the fight to survive or the fight to find happiness. I still think everything everyone does is based on the struggle for happiness. So I guess trying to find that place, trying get to a place where I get everything I need to survive because I'm doing what makes me happy is what it's all about. I mean, nothing matters. I have this friend that one day decided he wanted to be an actor. He thinks that will make him happy. He could have spent his entire life looking for an agent and auditioning for movies. Yet, he went to a film festival afterparty and some lady came up to him and asked him to be in her movie. Just like that. She has no clue if he can act or not. So now it's a year later and he has the script and they're trying to cast johnny depp and liv tyler for the other lead rolls. He just walked into the lead roll of his lifetime. I went to the director pannel discussion and all of the directors sort of just fell into directing. None of them went to school for it. They just had these oppurtunities handed to them. I'm doing so much right now so that I can do what I want to do when I graduate. Hearing their stories just makes it all seem so trivial. When talented people are being ignored because they are not that business savy and untalented people are being picked off the street because they had the right look, in the right place, at the right time...how am I suppose to stay motivated? With alot of energy. Therefore, I'm exhausted. Of everything. I like where I am in life. In all aspects of life. I'm just tired. Tired of living. A coma sounds nice right about now.(not a long one though).
~Misty
~Misty