Fall, Fall, and Fall Again
Title: Fall, Fall, and Fall Again
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries (television show, not books)
Characters: Damon Salvatore
Pairings: big time undertones (oxymoron?) of Damon/Rose
Rating: PG-13ish
Spoilers: Potentially all aired episodes
Summary: Rose is dead. Jessica is dead. Damon might as well be dead.
Disclaimer: Yep...I don't even own a share of CW stock.
A/N: I have to do something with the angst. However, this stands a good chance of being crap. *shrugs* At least I feel better now.
Fall, Fall, and Fall Again
He hears his name.
In his nightmares, he hears his name-from everybody’s lips. Rose’s voice will be added tonight and he’s so tired but he’s scared to sleep. Because of the switch, it’s an abstract fear, an intellectual fear-he knows his nightmares will be infinitely worse (who invents a switch that only works when you’re awake?) when her voice is intermingled with Stefan’s and Elena’s and Katherine’s and his father’s, but he can’t feel the fear.
He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stand it.
He’s cleaned Jessica’s blood from his teeth with his tongue, his face with his hand, and he contemplates killing someone else, but he just doesn’t have the energy. He doesn’t have the desire. He didn’t have the desire to kill Jessica, there was simply nothing else he could do. He wants the switch, he wants it so badly, even now when it’s on he can still feel the want. He wants the switch and he wants to run and he wants to never have to lie down to sleep.
His limbs are so heavy. They weigh him down; it feels like he’s wearing chains (isn’t he?), it feels like his feet are cemented and he wishes somebody’d push him into the river already. Why doesn’t the switch work as promised? His grief is still shadowing his soul, pushed back till it’s concentrated behind the thinnest barrier. He’s running, throw trees and brush, but it doesn’t make a difference.
He’s hearing his name already. Over and over and over she says it, gently gently gently, so close to his ear he can feel her phantom breath and he can’t outrun what doesn’t exist. Damon Damon Damon, Rose calls him, Damon Damon Damon. Just his name, always just his name. No words of comfort, no transcendental wisdom, not even love, not even friendship. Just his name. The name his father gave him upon birth, thinking already he would hate this son (what else can he believe when his father named him demon?).
He just wants her voice to stop! He just wants to wake up, to be real, to be alive, to be alive. He just wants Rose to be alive.
(He just doesn’t want to be in love with another unattainable girl.)