Secrets and Lies chapter 3
Title: Secrets and Lies
Fandom: BBC’s Robin Hood
Notes: Inspired in part by Clanne’s ‘When the Bough Breaks’ and comments made by Marian in episode 5, Turk Flu. (and a few other specific comments made throughout the series)
Disclaimer: Anything recognisable isn’t mine, please don’t sue. I’m only a poor student. You won’t get any money off me. I do own, however, Anne and her family, and Alice. But that’s it!
CHAPTER THREE IS HERE!
FF.N link here
Chapter 3: Hiding the Key
A week had passed since Marian had given birth and the child-whom Marian had named James-had been buried just four days before.
It had been a small, simple burial, with just Marian-out of bed for the first time since the birth-Anne and Hugh present as the priest uttered a prayer for the soul of the stillborn infant.
Marian didn’t cry. She didn’t feel like she had any tears left to cry anymore; the pain hadn’t faded by any means, but she seemed to be fresh out of tears. Which was why she was here, sitting underneath the old oak tree that overlooked her son’s grave, fiddling idly with her necklace as she stared vacantly out into the distance.
Truth be told, she didn’t know what to feel at the moment. It felt like she’d just gotten used to the idea of having a child of her own-even if she wouldn’t be able to raise it as such-only to have her child snatched cruelly away from her. A small part of her felt almost relieved, and for that she hated herself. She hated herself for ever wishing, even if only for the briefest of moments in the back of her mind, that she could get rid of her baby. Maybe she did make it happen. Maybe she did bring this all down on herself and her child. Oh, God, it really is my fault. I killed my baby.
Marian rocked slightly on the spot as she wrapped her arms around herself. The burning feeling at the back of her throat returned, although the tears were still absent.
She was unsure how long she spent there, lost to the rest of the world in her grief. When she did return to reality, she found herself clutching her necklace. The same one she hadn’t let out of her sight since Robin left five months ago. She remembered when he first gave it to her. It had been a birthday present, her fourteenth-Robin was sixteen at the time. It had been around that time that things had started to change between them, when the awkward transition from childhood friends to teenage sweethearts and lovers had begun.
A simple design of two birds, made of pale and darker woods respectively, on a silver branch made up the pendant. It wasn’t anything that would be considered fancy at court, in fact it would be looked down on in court as being dreadfully plain, but she’d never parted from it. Just like she and Robin had never been parted for a considerable amount of time before this.
She took the necklace from around her neck and studied it closer. Always together. Was that what you were trying to say when you gave this to me, Robin? Marian gave a short, harsh laugh. If so, why did you go, Robin? Why did you flit away to war? Why?
Why weren’t you here for me, Robin? For our son?
You should have been here! She screamed in her mind.
Marian felt the burning in her throat once more. “Were you really so frightened of me, Robin?” she whispered softly to the empty landscape. The only answer she got was the cold breeze that worked it’s way through her cloak to send a shiver down her spine. She leant her head back against the tree behind her. She was being unfair. Robin didn’t know about the pregnancy when he left. He would never know now.
She closed her eyes, mentally shaking her head at herself. She couldn’t even discern her feelings towards Robin anymore. She hated him and loved him at the same time. She hated him for leaving her-and their child. She hated him for thinking he needed to go find glory on the battlefield. She loved him for the good times they’d spent together. She loved him for his cheeky smile and good heart. She still worried about him. Was he safe? Was Much managing to keep him out of trouble? Was even still alive? There were so many questions she had in regards to Robin running through her head. So many. Marian wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answers to some.
She opened her eyes once more. This had to stop. No more fretting over Robin of Locksley. She’d drive herself mad if she kept this up. There were no guarantees that Robin would still be interested in her when he came back, or that he’d come back at all.
She had to let him go.
Not forget. Robin was hardly the forgettable type. Never had been and never would be. Nor could she forget their stillborn son, so small and pale. But she had to stop these thoughts consuming her. They’d always be in her heart, but she had to learn to ignore it. She had to if she wanted to keep all this secret.
Marian held the old pendant up to her face, smelling the familiar scent of silver and wood and, she still liked to fancy, a whiff of the smell that belonged to Robin alone. Getting up, she slowly walked towards the small stone marker that guarded her son’s grave and laid down the necklace in front of it.
I love you both, she thought. But I have to let you both go.
I’m sorry.
She turned and walked back towards the house, refusing to let herself look back.
Fandom: BBC’s Robin Hood
Notes: Inspired in part by Clanne’s ‘When the Bough Breaks’ and comments made by Marian in episode 5, Turk Flu. (and a few other specific comments made throughout the series)
Disclaimer: Anything recognisable isn’t mine, please don’t sue. I’m only a poor student. You won’t get any money off me. I do own, however, Anne and her family, and Alice. But that’s it!
CHAPTER THREE IS HERE!
FF.N link here
Chapter 3: Hiding the Key
A week had passed since Marian had given birth and the child-whom Marian had named James-had been buried just four days before.
It had been a small, simple burial, with just Marian-out of bed for the first time since the birth-Anne and Hugh present as the priest uttered a prayer for the soul of the stillborn infant.
Marian didn’t cry. She didn’t feel like she had any tears left to cry anymore; the pain hadn’t faded by any means, but she seemed to be fresh out of tears. Which was why she was here, sitting underneath the old oak tree that overlooked her son’s grave, fiddling idly with her necklace as she stared vacantly out into the distance.
Truth be told, she didn’t know what to feel at the moment. It felt like she’d just gotten used to the idea of having a child of her own-even if she wouldn’t be able to raise it as such-only to have her child snatched cruelly away from her. A small part of her felt almost relieved, and for that she hated herself. She hated herself for ever wishing, even if only for the briefest of moments in the back of her mind, that she could get rid of her baby. Maybe she did make it happen. Maybe she did bring this all down on herself and her child. Oh, God, it really is my fault. I killed my baby.
Marian rocked slightly on the spot as she wrapped her arms around herself. The burning feeling at the back of her throat returned, although the tears were still absent.
She was unsure how long she spent there, lost to the rest of the world in her grief. When she did return to reality, she found herself clutching her necklace. The same one she hadn’t let out of her sight since Robin left five months ago. She remembered when he first gave it to her. It had been a birthday present, her fourteenth-Robin was sixteen at the time. It had been around that time that things had started to change between them, when the awkward transition from childhood friends to teenage sweethearts and lovers had begun.
A simple design of two birds, made of pale and darker woods respectively, on a silver branch made up the pendant. It wasn’t anything that would be considered fancy at court, in fact it would be looked down on in court as being dreadfully plain, but she’d never parted from it. Just like she and Robin had never been parted for a considerable amount of time before this.
She took the necklace from around her neck and studied it closer. Always together. Was that what you were trying to say when you gave this to me, Robin? Marian gave a short, harsh laugh. If so, why did you go, Robin? Why did you flit away to war? Why?
Why weren’t you here for me, Robin? For our son?
You should have been here! She screamed in her mind.
Marian felt the burning in her throat once more. “Were you really so frightened of me, Robin?” she whispered softly to the empty landscape. The only answer she got was the cold breeze that worked it’s way through her cloak to send a shiver down her spine. She leant her head back against the tree behind her. She was being unfair. Robin didn’t know about the pregnancy when he left. He would never know now.
She closed her eyes, mentally shaking her head at herself. She couldn’t even discern her feelings towards Robin anymore. She hated him and loved him at the same time. She hated him for leaving her-and their child. She hated him for thinking he needed to go find glory on the battlefield. She loved him for the good times they’d spent together. She loved him for his cheeky smile and good heart. She still worried about him. Was he safe? Was Much managing to keep him out of trouble? Was even still alive? There were so many questions she had in regards to Robin running through her head. So many. Marian wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answers to some.
She opened her eyes once more. This had to stop. No more fretting over Robin of Locksley. She’d drive herself mad if she kept this up. There were no guarantees that Robin would still be interested in her when he came back, or that he’d come back at all.
She had to let him go.
Not forget. Robin was hardly the forgettable type. Never had been and never would be. Nor could she forget their stillborn son, so small and pale. But she had to stop these thoughts consuming her. They’d always be in her heart, but she had to learn to ignore it. She had to if she wanted to keep all this secret.
Marian held the old pendant up to her face, smelling the familiar scent of silver and wood and, she still liked to fancy, a whiff of the smell that belonged to Robin alone. Getting up, she slowly walked towards the small stone marker that guarded her son’s grave and laid down the necklace in front of it.
I love you both, she thought. But I have to let you both go.
I’m sorry.
She turned and walked back towards the house, refusing to let herself look back.