Difficulty
It's hard to write in here without acknowledging the fact I've got an audience here. Far greater than the xanga anyway. Either that or that I write too much in the xanga and not enough in here.
But really, maybe I'm just afraid of being too long winded. So enjoy what's after the cut, or not.
I do too little with my life, I complain in here more than anything, when I attempt to backtrack and read through this thing, my head hurts.
I realize that my memory is very flawed. What I remember versus what's recorded in here is highly different. It might be a coping method, to simply blank out parts of the past so that I never have to deal with them again.
But that sort of life is catching up to me. I'm making the same mistakes a second time, but I know better, how to handle them in comparison to the past. Also I know better than to write in here about my more personal issues. Simply put, because the audience here is actually responsive.
Part of the reason I even began writing a journal was to vent regarding stress that accumulates in daily life. However, when there is an audience, it becomes a little more difficult to do so. I'm actually afraid of what I say here, so rather than finding a sense of relief, I more often than not find myself more stressed when I'm writing in here.
I think it's the same with couples journals. Having attempted in the very birth of this livejournal making it a couples journal, where I would respond to my at the time significant other, of course.. ONE
SIDEDLY.
Thank god I had a friend who went back and deleted those entries, they became nothing but bickering and ridicule after a certain duration.
Writing out emotions is one thing, but to utilize this format for keeping tabs on your lover is kind of invasive and destructive. I think the best choice is that I stop all these stalkerish tendencies of mine when I'm up late at night with nothing better to do than to google my boyfriend's screen names to see what comes up..Surprisingly lots of Japanese sites, and redflagdeals.. and American professors?
ERk.. I give up, it's too hard trying to dig, when I can just ask whatever it is I want to know.
>For those of you bored enough to go "wtf May has a Xanga?" it's yumayah.xanga.com
It should be obvious, but funny enough, the yumayah.livejournal.com is a made of fail livejournal of mine where I can't write in it without feeling rage, because everything privated in there just frustrates me. I have too many unresolved feelings and issues in the past. Whenever I reread them I am reminded that all I've really done is forget about them.
I'll.. keep living though what else is there to do? I'll live and see what I will become, and what I can achieve.. also whether there ever will be resolution.
But really, maybe I'm just afraid of being too long winded. So enjoy what's after the cut, or not.
I do too little with my life, I complain in here more than anything, when I attempt to backtrack and read through this thing, my head hurts.
I realize that my memory is very flawed. What I remember versus what's recorded in here is highly different. It might be a coping method, to simply blank out parts of the past so that I never have to deal with them again.
But that sort of life is catching up to me. I'm making the same mistakes a second time, but I know better, how to handle them in comparison to the past. Also I know better than to write in here about my more personal issues. Simply put, because the audience here is actually responsive.
Part of the reason I even began writing a journal was to vent regarding stress that accumulates in daily life. However, when there is an audience, it becomes a little more difficult to do so. I'm actually afraid of what I say here, so rather than finding a sense of relief, I more often than not find myself more stressed when I'm writing in here.
I think it's the same with couples journals. Having attempted in the very birth of this livejournal making it a couples journal, where I would respond to my at the time significant other, of course.. ONE
SIDEDLY.
Thank god I had a friend who went back and deleted those entries, they became nothing but bickering and ridicule after a certain duration.
Writing out emotions is one thing, but to utilize this format for keeping tabs on your lover is kind of invasive and destructive. I think the best choice is that I stop all these stalkerish tendencies of mine when I'm up late at night with nothing better to do than to google my boyfriend's screen names to see what comes up..Surprisingly lots of Japanese sites, and redflagdeals.. and American professors?
ERk.. I give up, it's too hard trying to dig, when I can just ask whatever it is I want to know.
>For those of you bored enough to go "wtf May has a Xanga?" it's yumayah.xanga.com
It should be obvious, but funny enough, the yumayah.livejournal.com is a made of fail livejournal of mine where I can't write in it without feeling rage, because everything privated in there just frustrates me. I have too many unresolved feelings and issues in the past. Whenever I reread them I am reminded that all I've really done is forget about them.
I'll.. keep living though what else is there to do? I'll live and see what I will become, and what I can achieve.. also whether there ever will be resolution.