imagination or dissolution
I've had a rough weekend. In some respects it was good. I made some resolves. Working seriously with Grow program. Re-growing my spiritual practice. Strange, this morning was the first time in - well it seems like forever - that I spontaneously did bath mantra. I shrugged and said (out loud i think) ok, sure.
Today, Neptune is on my descendant. Today, my honey wants to talk with me. Neptune could be imagination or dissolution. What will it be?
Things have been tricky. I suggested while she was away she imagine what it would be like to have a great relationship between us. Best of what we have been, plus anything more. She texted me to say no, she didn't want to be picked up from the airport, but would like to get together to talk in the afternoon.
Fear leapt up, as it's wont to do. Why would it seem urgent if she wasn't planning to tell me she couldn't imagine anything, and we'll have to end it? She could be excited, I suppose. History just isn't doing me any favours here.
So, I've spent the weekend with friends. Crying, talking, playing, just being, writing, meditating.
I don't like who I've become. I don't like that so much of what made me who I was has vanished in the turmoil of the last 18 months. The spiritual rock, the creative woman, both of those were attractive to her, both have slipped away. I'm so pissed off at myself.
So, putting them back in place, getting house on track, putting one step in front of the other with regrowth is my first priority now, whatever happens today. For my sake, and for hers if she's still there.
Please, god.
Today, Neptune is on my descendant. Today, my honey wants to talk with me. Neptune could be imagination or dissolution. What will it be?
Things have been tricky. I suggested while she was away she imagine what it would be like to have a great relationship between us. Best of what we have been, plus anything more. She texted me to say no, she didn't want to be picked up from the airport, but would like to get together to talk in the afternoon.
Fear leapt up, as it's wont to do. Why would it seem urgent if she wasn't planning to tell me she couldn't imagine anything, and we'll have to end it? She could be excited, I suppose. History just isn't doing me any favours here.
So, I've spent the weekend with friends. Crying, talking, playing, just being, writing, meditating.
I don't like who I've become. I don't like that so much of what made me who I was has vanished in the turmoil of the last 18 months. The spiritual rock, the creative woman, both of those were attractive to her, both have slipped away. I'm so pissed off at myself.
So, putting them back in place, getting house on track, putting one step in front of the other with regrowth is my first priority now, whatever happens today. For my sake, and for hers if she's still there.
Please, god.