Mixed With the Lightning of Slaughter [ch. 5]
previous: 4 - fighting something unfamiliar
5 - shadows on all their faces
I don’t know, Sasuke! Don’t ask me!
“… but he was lying,” Sasuke muttered to himself.
“Who was lying?”
Sasuke jerked back, nearly losing his balance-Kakashi crouched in front of him, watching him with a darkly curious glint in his eye. He blinked and glanced around-“Where’s Naruto?” he asked, an odd feeling of fear creeping into his mind. What if he went off to do something stupid? “Where’d he go?”
“I told him to leave for now,” Kakashi said, too lightly for the lightness to ring true. There was a sharp quality to his words that didn’t bode well, although the surface was nothing but casualness. “Maa, Sasuke-when I was coming up, the lights along the top floor of the hospital all started flickering. And Naruto showed signs of electrocution. What was the jutsu you used?”
Sasuke’s head felt abnormally clear in that instant, like everything extraneous had been forced away for now. He’d been fighting with Naruto, he remembered, but it was already turning into an indistinct haze for him. The best he could remember was-Sakura had been peeling apples for him, and Naruto’s kage bunshin piling on him-
-Naruto’s kage bunshin piling on him, forming a chain, but he swings them around and lets them go flying like so many shattered pieces of his past-don’t come after me, I don’t want you to come with me-
“My jutsu?” he said slowly; brought up his hand and flexed it once, twice; kept thinking Rasengan Rasengan Rasengan over and over again, and tried to suppress an involuntary twitch that ran up his spine. “It was… something to do with Chidori,” he mumbled. “I think.”
“You think?” Kakashi repeated. “Sasuke, Chidori isn’t a technique you use on your teammate. You should know that by now.” He straightened up a little, still staring down at Sasuke. “And you didn’t use the Chidori I taught you, either-it affected the hospital’s electricity as well. So what was it?”
Everything was very still, too still and too calm and too quiet in Sasuke’s mind. “I don’t know,” he said. “I-learned it. Somewhere. It was… dark. Lots of snakes. I-“ And then his thoughts hit a dead end, crashing to a halt, because-
His vision swam with red, and he turned his head to the side, hacking violently. There was blood rising up-no, but there wasn’t-yet he almost thought he could taste the tangy sting of blood in his mouth-
-he’s been fighting for some time, the give and take a precarious balancing act, because while the other has the Mangekyou, he has the greater will-for the last to kill the first of them all, and then he can finally break the circle of destruction and let his clan rest at last-
“Snakes?” Sasuke felt Kakashi’s hand on his shoulder, steadying him from the coughing.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, still looking off to the side. He didn’t want to look at Kakashi, because-Kakashi has the Mangekyou too, that’s what they say-wait, what? The very thought was utterly preposterous.
“Everything matters, Sasuke,” Kakashi replied tersely, but his voice softened. “I heard about what happened with Itachi’s return, and if we’re going to figure out why he came back-“
Sasuke snapped his head back abruptly, his neck protesting at the sudden movement. “Figure out why?” he said through the raw feeling in his throat-something slid with a click in his mind-“You-you know why Itachi wanted Naruto. You do-that chakra, the red chakra he has-“
“That is none of your business.”
He glared up at Kakashi-saw the sunlight glinting off the silver-gray hair. He thought, detachedly, that in any other person it would have been a sure sign of age, or stress, or misfortune, but the fleeting thought was buried under a welling burst of anger. “Itachi was there,” he snapped. “That makes it my business.”
Kakashi sighed. “Sasuke… don’t think about revenge anymore. It won’t do anything good for you.” His voice took on a reflective tone. “I have-known many people as a shinobi. Those who want revenge-it never helps them. It only leaves you empty afterwards-“
“What do you know about it?” Sasuke said bitterly. “My revenge against Itachi-I was born into it, the Uchiha were all born into it, I have to kill him-that’s how it has to work out, in the end-“
Because, because-
“Hey, calm down, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “There’s no need to tear your shirt like that-“
He only tightened his fingers on the fabric, his nails digging at the straining threads. “You don’t know anything,” he said savagely. “To see the people you love dead-“
-“to kill them and watch them die,” Itachi says, “that is our fate”-don’t say that, just shut up shut up shut up, he thought to himself, and-but he never said that to me at the inn or in Tsukuyomi, so how-
“-and how would you like it if I killed the people you love?”-his voice rose, edged with bitter cruelty, and something within him asked ruthlessly, are you saying this to Kakashi or saying it to yourself?-
“Sasuke,” Kakashi said, his voice still impossibly placid and calm. “Turn off your Sharingan, you just activated it.”
Sasuke let out his breath and forced himself to deactivate the Sharingan-he hadn’t even realized the change in his eyes. “You don’t know anything,” he said finally, dully. It doesn’t matter that I beat Naruto in the fight-besides, I don’t even remember how-but Itachi still went after Naruto instead and said I was weak-and if I’m weak-
-then how do I kill my brother?
“And also-I think you would find it hard.” Kakashi’s words were quiet in the silence that had fallen between them. “To kill your teammates and yourself.”
Sasuke looked up, perplexed and not quite following Kakashi’s train of thought, and then-oh.
He bent his head low so he could avoid Kakashi’s eyes, feeling an intense discomfort creeping over him. “Maybe,” he said grudgingly. And then something spurred him on to add, “But-it’s not that hard to kill them. To kill anyone.”
Kakashi said nothing-whether or not it was in shock, Sasuke didn’t want to know. He went on, words coming from his mouth, and why he was saying them he wasn’t even sure. “They-everyone dies too easily,” he said. “It’s too easy for people to die-that’s how things always are.” (Red red red with the orange and black, and pink spread out gently against the ground.)
A bird started to twitter brightly nearby. Kakashi sighed, a very deep sigh that seemed to come rattling from somewhere deep inside him, of loss and heartbreak and death and always, always the lingering aftermath. “Perhaps,” he said, and his hand rested lightly on Sasuke’s hair. “But the happiness that comes from your precious people is something you will never know if you keep pushing them away in the first place. Maa, we aren’t the lucky ones, that’s true." Sasuke felt the pressure of Kakashi's hand leave his head. "But-we aren’t the worst off, not now. And I didn’t teach you jutsu so you could use it against your friends like that, Sasuke… here, stand up.”
He pulled Sasuke to his feet. “But you didn’t use Chidori after all,” he said nonchalantly. “Do you remember what it was?”
Sasuke stared at him; felt something lodge in his throat. “I don’t know,” he said. “Just-“ I know I had a sword, he thought, I thought I had my chokuto with me. But I don’t even use one…
He wondered if he were just dreaming this all, or if any of this was ever real. The gaping holes in his memories-words he heard before they were spoken-a weapon that shouldn’t be there, should be there-wasn’t there.
“I see,” said Kakashi. He slanted a look at Sasuke, his single eye scrutinizing his face carefully. “So. You really don’t know. And you’re not lying, either-really, you’re a bad liar.”
-“That’s what you say-but you’re a bad liar,” Itachi breathes out, and a smile falls across his face-
Sasuke drew in his breath sharply and stiffened. That-didn't happen. No. It couldn't have happened.
He turned his face away from Kakashi and stared out over Konoha, trying to ignore Kakashi, ignore himself. The sun was casting fading rays over the trees, silhouettes cut sharply against the ground, and the sky was beginning to flow from the afternoon blue into the red and gray of dusk.
Don’t forget your purpose, something said to him with dark amusement in his mind. This village will only become the shackles that bind you-it’s best to just cut those worthless connections. In doing so, you’ll be able to obtain a much greater power.
A more contemptuous voice now, sharp and pitiless and scornful: What is your purpose in life?-What about Uchiha Itachi?
He pressed his right hand up against his chest-felt his heart thumping Itachi Itachi Itachi with every beat.
“Let’s go back now, Sasuke,” said Kakashi, nodding toward the door that opened onto the hospital roof. “I’ll take you to your room.”
There’s nothing to go back to, Sasuke wanted to tell Kakashi, there’s never been anything for me to go back to, but he stayed silent and followed Kakashi instead. The light was fading across the roof, across Konoha, across Sasuke, and nightfall slowly came upon them in a crawling tangle of shadows.
-----
“-yes, I told the nurses to keep an eye on him while I’m on my mission. It’s the best I could do.”
Tsunade sighed. “Very true. That’s all that can be done for now-all the shinobi are too busy with missions, as you well know, Kakashi. I can’t pull some off their assignments and order them to guard a boy in the hospital, especially since there is no real concrete evidence for doing so.”
“Mmm.” Jiraiya shifted his weight, and his long spiky hair rustled against his back. “Tsunade, have you asked a doctor to look at him? A psychiatrist?”
Kakashi frowned and raised his head, looking at Jiraiya. “That’s very risky. There’s no way of knowing what it would do to the stability of his mind.”
“But right now we definitely know that there’s something wrong with him,” Tsunade broke in. She sat back in her chair, watching Kakashi sternly. He gazed back, half-wishing for Icha Icha to be in front of his face, for the presence of his familiar orange-colored shield. His hands itched uncomfortably under Tsunade’s gaze. “Tell me what happened again.”
“Well-he and Naruto started fighting, and somehow he electrocuted Naruto. That’s the best I could determine. It’s not something he would know-and I certainly didn’t teach him anything like that. The closest thing would be Chidori, but the effects of the jutsu weren’t from Chidori.”
“Lightning jutsu learned from an unknown,” Jiraiya said musingly. “His brother’s jutsu?”
“Maybe-but he mentioned snakes.”
A trailing silence. Then: “Go on.”
“Afterwards, he didn’t remember much of what had happened at all. I didn’t pressure him about it at the time-I thought it better not to trigger any planted impulses Uchiha Itachi might have potentially put into his mind. You mentioned that possibility before when you spoke to me a few days ago, Tsunade-sama.”
“Snakes,” repeated Jiraiya thoughtfully, his eyebrows furrowed. “That smacks of Orochimaru.”
“But Sasuke’s had absolutely no contact with Orochimaru since the chuunin exams, as far as I know,” Kakashi pointed out. As far as I know, the words echoed, and he wondered how much he did know.
Tsunade and Jiraiya exchanged looks, but Kakashi could guess at the meaning-Jiraiya, tilting his head to the side, Orochimaru has always been determined; Tsunade’s eyebrows barely rising, Yes, I know. Then Tsunade leaned forward and picked up some papers on her desk. “I have Morino Ibiki’s report here as well,” she said. “But I don’t think you had a chance to look over it, have you, Kakashi?”
“I don’t think so,” he replied, and took the papers Tsunade held out to him.
… an abrupt reversal in the way he directed his responses. Originally he had been very emotionally agitated about relating the story. He had the tendency to grip the bedsheets very tightly, and when he spoke, his words seemed to imply a sense of disorientation.
However, Uchiha’s demeanor completely changed once he began to actually answer the questions. One particular aspect that must be noted was that he never made eye contact during this time. His voice was remarkably emotionless, especially considering his former reaction…
Kakashi felt like slamming his head against the wall-or something. Ibiki's observations matched Kakashi's remarkably well; Sasuke had been like that on the roof, suddenly angry and then eerily calm, too unpredictable in his mood swings. My team is going to be the death of me, he thought tiredly.
First Orochimaru, now Itachi-everything seemed to be converging all at once upon them. At first, they’d thought maybe Tsukuyomi had done something-the jutsu’s capabilities weren’t fully known, and Kakashi couldn’t exactly apply his own experience to Sasuke’s.
And now the mention of snakes, which absolutely reeked of Orochimaru.
Damn it, it makes no sense!
Tsunade was speaking, and he lifted his head, returning his attention to the Hokage-thought in surprise, did she actually say that? “Er, could you repeat that?”
Tsunade glanced at him. “I said-I think I’d like Naruto and Sakura to keep their distance,” she said simply. “If Uchiha Sasuke continues to act the way he is-the potential for a volatile situation with all three of them is too great. Frankly, it’s already happened, what with that fight of theirs.”
Isolation will make it worse, he wanted to tell her-wanted to say, This is not the way the team should be. But he only said, "Just to let you know-you do realize that Naruto and Sakura won't allow that to happen."
“Hmph. I'll tell them myself tomorrow, I can suffer their wrath. In any case, we need to hear Naruto's side of the story, although not now-let them all cool down a bit and think seriously for once." For a moment, a flash of weariness flitted across her face. "I’ll also be calling in Yamanaka Inoichi tomorrow morning to take a look at Uchiha Sasuke. We’ll have to do something sooner or later-don’t look like that, Kakashi. I dislike doing this as much as you do-the boy isn’t guilty of anything, but taking everything into consideration-“
“I understand, Tsunade-sama,” Kakashi said. I know that. If only I knew what was happening with Sasuke… But the answer to that still remained maddeningly elusive, and he felt like he was losing control of his students-if he had ever had control of them at all.
-----
“He’s in the hospital, so-”
“State the obvious, why don’t you, fatass?”
A pause, as Jiroubou pointedly ignored the insult. “…we’re to slip in and out of this place with the boy before anyone notices. Your flute, Tayuya?”
“Don’t bother wasting your fucking breath,” Tayuya returned heatedly.
“No need to ask, Jiroubou,” Sakon said. “We can afford to wait until it grows darker, though.”
“… you think I can’t pull off my own genjutsu?”
Kidoumaru looked up from where he’d been working with his threads. “It doesn't matter,” he said. “We have all the time in the world-either way, he’ll come with us."
He smiled, and his hands twisted the threads into an arrow; the silken strands were lit faintly by the light of the setting sun, which bled streaks of red across the darkening sky. "Orochimaru-sama will be pleased.”
-----
Chapter title from:
Wind wherein seas and stars are shaken
Shall shake them, and they shall not waken;
None that has lain down shall arise;
The stones are sealed across their places;
One shadow is shed on all their faces,
One blindness cast on all their eyes.
-Algernon Swinburne, “Ilicet”
*takes deep breath* Okay, things are beginning to really move now...
I hope Kakashi's IC. And the Sound Four. And Sasuke as well. :/ His perspective veers between very emotional and very numb (as Kakashi observed in the text), but that comes from present!Sasuke and future!Sasuke slipping back and forth in his mind.
Don’t forget your purpose, something said to him with dark amusement in his mind. This village will only become the shackles that bind you-it’s best to just cut those worthless connections. In doing so, you’ll be able to obtain a much greater power.
A more contemptuous voice now, sharp and pitiless and scornful: What is your purpose in life?-What about Uchiha Itachi?
-Ch. 179 (“Don’t Forget”)
Comments are always love. :)
next: 6 - called the sound four