an overdrive of memories
i got the new evanescence cd...a m a z i n g!!!! i have NEVER read such powerful lyrics in my life.
and im going to the concert on the 22 which i cant wait to go to!!! this has like been my dream since 8th grade!!
like i cant wait....
and homecoming is coming up. i dont know why im not excited like i usually am. mainly because i dont think i will have any fun.
i hate my life right now i really do. i dont know why, but i can't seem to let go of someone and move on to someone else. no matter how much you want to believe that you can just move on from someone as fast as you would like, you cant...you cant force yourself...and you cant make yourself believe that you dont care anymore..if you do that it will just come right back and slap you in the face when you least expect it. how is it possible to completely move on from someone? it cant be possible. i dont believe that its possible. words mean everything you know... every single word, every single action, and every single thought matters so much when it comes to him. will that ever go away? i hate that every one says all these bad things about him...i hate that i say bad things about him. as much as i want to listen to what i say to myself and what others say to me, i cant. it should be so easy. hes too little for me, hes ugly, hes not smart, he has nothing going for him, hes an asshole, and he hurts me and makes it look like i am the bad guy. it should be so easy to just push him out the window and watch him fall to his death. those are perfect reasons for me not to like him anymore. "Then why do you still want to be with him?" they ask. I am asking myself the same question. I dont know the answer. Logic isn't involved when it comes to love. Who fucking cares about what is logical. i can do better than him, im smarter, i push myself down to his level, he has NO FUTURE, no money, and im just wasting my time. but you know what, none of that matters. none of that makes me want to throw him out the window and watch him die. i should want to never want to be with him. But i dont care about the bad things about him. "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
and if he would rather not date me because its the "logical" thing to do, then he can do so. he can ruin his life and mine by using that typical common sense. he can say that we fight a lot, we break up a lot, we just "dont work."
those things can be so easily fixed if you had the patience to fix them. but the one thing that isn't meant to disappear is love. You shouldn't let mistakes take over your heart. love overpowers any mistake. love is what fixes a mistake. but i guess my love wasn't good enough. Dont tell me that he isn't worth it. i dont want to hear that. he is worth every single bit of pain. i would get hurt over and over again until the mistakes are fixed. im not afraid to get hurt. and im not afraid to hurt him if i feel that it would change some of the problems. but he is afraid. he doesnt want to get hurt anymore. he gave up what we had because he was afraid. and yet he thinks we can still be friends? friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship-never.
NEVER let fear overpower love. Never let it cast its shadow over something meant to blind you. you will forget how bright its supposed to be, and you will never expect it to blind you again.
i understand that we probably wont be together ever again. But stop asking me if i have moved on yet. stop thinking that i have. stop expecting me to. if you have ever loved someone, you would know the wound doesn't heal over night. it takes months, maybe even years to forget the greatest feeling in the world.
and im going to the concert on the 22 which i cant wait to go to!!! this has like been my dream since 8th grade!!
like i cant wait....
and homecoming is coming up. i dont know why im not excited like i usually am. mainly because i dont think i will have any fun.
i hate my life right now i really do. i dont know why, but i can't seem to let go of someone and move on to someone else. no matter how much you want to believe that you can just move on from someone as fast as you would like, you cant...you cant force yourself...and you cant make yourself believe that you dont care anymore..if you do that it will just come right back and slap you in the face when you least expect it. how is it possible to completely move on from someone? it cant be possible. i dont believe that its possible. words mean everything you know... every single word, every single action, and every single thought matters so much when it comes to him. will that ever go away? i hate that every one says all these bad things about him...i hate that i say bad things about him. as much as i want to listen to what i say to myself and what others say to me, i cant. it should be so easy. hes too little for me, hes ugly, hes not smart, he has nothing going for him, hes an asshole, and he hurts me and makes it look like i am the bad guy. it should be so easy to just push him out the window and watch him fall to his death. those are perfect reasons for me not to like him anymore. "Then why do you still want to be with him?" they ask. I am asking myself the same question. I dont know the answer. Logic isn't involved when it comes to love. Who fucking cares about what is logical. i can do better than him, im smarter, i push myself down to his level, he has NO FUTURE, no money, and im just wasting my time. but you know what, none of that matters. none of that makes me want to throw him out the window and watch him die. i should want to never want to be with him. But i dont care about the bad things about him. "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
and if he would rather not date me because its the "logical" thing to do, then he can do so. he can ruin his life and mine by using that typical common sense. he can say that we fight a lot, we break up a lot, we just "dont work."
those things can be so easily fixed if you had the patience to fix them. but the one thing that isn't meant to disappear is love. You shouldn't let mistakes take over your heart. love overpowers any mistake. love is what fixes a mistake. but i guess my love wasn't good enough. Dont tell me that he isn't worth it. i dont want to hear that. he is worth every single bit of pain. i would get hurt over and over again until the mistakes are fixed. im not afraid to get hurt. and im not afraid to hurt him if i feel that it would change some of the problems. but he is afraid. he doesnt want to get hurt anymore. he gave up what we had because he was afraid. and yet he thinks we can still be friends? friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship-never.
NEVER let fear overpower love. Never let it cast its shadow over something meant to blind you. you will forget how bright its supposed to be, and you will never expect it to blind you again.
i understand that we probably wont be together ever again. But stop asking me if i have moved on yet. stop thinking that i have. stop expecting me to. if you have ever loved someone, you would know the wound doesn't heal over night. it takes months, maybe even years to forget the greatest feeling in the world.