the taste of summer on your peppery skin
**warning: serious, boring, long post to follow**
i haven't posted too much in last week or two. i think it's because i've been increasingly dissastisfied with my personal life and the decisions i've been making. pretty much, i feel like this:
it took an unfortunate turn of events for me to realize this, and i'm afraid i have/am in the middle of/am going to have to hurt a very, very nice guy's feelings, but the mistake has already been made, and all that's left is for me to deal with it.
and i will.
but i will also have learned my lesson and am ready to start making some changes.
1) fixing bike again (hopefully for the last time for a while!) and riding it, as well as generally increasing my activity level. this will hopefully help me feel better about my body (which has gotten a little worse for the wear after all the summer's drinking) and give me time to listen to music and think to myself.
2) start eating better and monitoring my consumption. i hate wasteful people and i'm getting fat. it's that simple, so i'm just going to listen to my body and eat only what i need.
3) reduce drinking, bar-hopping, and late nights. my sleep schedule is totally fucked and that along with all the booze is making my body sad, and having a social life that's completely dependent on bars seems silly. i live in fucking new york; i should be taking advantage of all the other fun stuff at my fingertips! i'll still go out for two for tues and probably one weekend night, but i'm going to try to limit my drinking two nights a week.
4) start focusing more on myself, my good friends, and less on guys. i had a long-term relationship, we broke up, i went crazy, and it was fun at times and definitely a learning experience, but it's time to take a step back. it was necessary, but it's over.
5) cook more and keep my apartment clean. after freaking myself out that i had bed bugs, i went crazy and cleaned the apartment and my room over the weekend and GODDAMN! was it dirty. never again! plus as i spend more time at home it will be more rewarding to have a clean place.
this is all perfect too because it correspond to the beginning of school which brings in 6) to really focus on school and enjoy and get the most out of my last year at gallatin.
as a student fall signals a sort of natural change which will make this transition easier
i know a lot of these are cliche, but they're cliches because they're easy ruts to fall into.
and now i'm climbing out. i'm scared that i'll fail but, i have to do this and i will.
i mean i always do, why would these be any different?
and i've got some awesome people behind me to support me! that means you guys! i love you all and ask kindly that you help by being understanding if i don't wan to go to a bar or spend money, but more importantly by doing other fun/cheap things with me!
i haven't posted too much in last week or two. i think it's because i've been increasingly dissastisfied with my personal life and the decisions i've been making. pretty much, i feel like this:
it took an unfortunate turn of events for me to realize this, and i'm afraid i have/am in the middle of/am going to have to hurt a very, very nice guy's feelings, but the mistake has already been made, and all that's left is for me to deal with it.
and i will.
but i will also have learned my lesson and am ready to start making some changes.
1) fixing bike again (hopefully for the last time for a while!) and riding it, as well as generally increasing my activity level. this will hopefully help me feel better about my body (which has gotten a little worse for the wear after all the summer's drinking) and give me time to listen to music and think to myself.
2) start eating better and monitoring my consumption. i hate wasteful people and i'm getting fat. it's that simple, so i'm just going to listen to my body and eat only what i need.
3) reduce drinking, bar-hopping, and late nights. my sleep schedule is totally fucked and that along with all the booze is making my body sad, and having a social life that's completely dependent on bars seems silly. i live in fucking new york; i should be taking advantage of all the other fun stuff at my fingertips! i'll still go out for two for tues and probably one weekend night, but i'm going to try to limit my drinking two nights a week.
4) start focusing more on myself, my good friends, and less on guys. i had a long-term relationship, we broke up, i went crazy, and it was fun at times and definitely a learning experience, but it's time to take a step back. it was necessary, but it's over.
5) cook more and keep my apartment clean. after freaking myself out that i had bed bugs, i went crazy and cleaned the apartment and my room over the weekend and GODDAMN! was it dirty. never again! plus as i spend more time at home it will be more rewarding to have a clean place.
this is all perfect too because it correspond to the beginning of school which brings in 6) to really focus on school and enjoy and get the most out of my last year at gallatin.
as a student fall signals a sort of natural change which will make this transition easier
i know a lot of these are cliche, but they're cliches because they're easy ruts to fall into.
and now i'm climbing out. i'm scared that i'll fail but, i have to do this and i will.
i mean i always do, why would these be any different?
and i've got some awesome people behind me to support me! that means you guys! i love you all and ask kindly that you help by being understanding if i don't wan to go to a bar or spend money, but more importantly by doing other fun/cheap things with me!