to the man i always expected to be there...this is for u...
well just here in electricity, bc my house has yetto see some in quite some time...at work, w./he scanner from hell and doing some thinking...
theres always a select few who you depend on to always be there for you. and im not talking bout friends, nor boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, or any of that.
but those people who u are bonded with in a very special way
how is it u can tell me u love me, ur there for me,ur just a "beep" away. how can u love anyone if u dont even realize u love urself? how can u be so oblivious into thinking u are now happier than before? how can u let us, who were inseperable, thougth u were the greatest man in my life, just ruin it. now it is i look back, or for quite soemtime before, i think dam...those stares...those longing looks, how could i have such tainted thoughts before? why could i not realize the truth and therefore save so much heartache?y do i feel the need, or excuse me, felt the need to try and keep a relationship open? why did i ry so much to feel loved from u? why do i try and see how much of ur bullshit i will swallow?but ive more then been 'grabbed' in the face with the cold harsh reality. u love me not because u love me, but because you feel that u must. it is ur obligation and unwanting duty. u think a dinner every 6, 7, or 8 months will show me how much u care? it takes u 2 or 3 days to call after a hurricane has ripped us apart? we are nto shit in the bottom of a barrel that u must clean out twice a year. u do not have to do these tedious tasks that u must abhor doing.wen i ask for a favor, i ask with the inkling of a feeling of what i kno to expect from ur pathetic behalf.why should i bother, to make u feel liek u CAN do somethin to help? i duno whether to feel pity for u, or to hate u? its not fair ive displaced so much of my feelings onto that other man whom ive loved since uve left. in a way it makes me happy u got to meet him and to think he was good for me. he seems to be a better man than uve changed into. maybe i do have anger issues to work out, let out, vent out. i just kno bc of u, i do have issues. most that i think ive dealt with, and recently have dealt with pretty fairly.but soem things u have tortured me for way too long, and im miserable bc i kno it will take me too long to fix, if i can ever fix those problems.i now rely on one less person. because of you. i now realize a lot more. because of you. i am now a stronger woman. because of you. i no longer cry and feel saddedned the way i did before. because i kno better. i dont waste my time wondering why u cant love me wheni was smaller, more innocent.now u have others to love. to watch them grow and give them ur wisdom. i just hope u dont expect for when ur age and wisdom and sense to come knockin in, dont expect me to come running for u. ive realized, only run to those who will run to you. treat those who treat u the way u want to be treated. stand up for urself. and all those other cliches. they break not only thru water, but thru the thickest of blood as well. ust because we started close, does not mean we'll end close.
theres always a select few who you depend on to always be there for you. and im not talking bout friends, nor boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, or any of that.
but those people who u are bonded with in a very special way
how is it u can tell me u love me, ur there for me,ur just a "beep" away. how can u love anyone if u dont even realize u love urself? how can u be so oblivious into thinking u are now happier than before? how can u let us, who were inseperable, thougth u were the greatest man in my life, just ruin it. now it is i look back, or for quite soemtime before, i think dam...those stares...those longing looks, how could i have such tainted thoughts before? why could i not realize the truth and therefore save so much heartache?y do i feel the need, or excuse me, felt the need to try and keep a relationship open? why did i ry so much to feel loved from u? why do i try and see how much of ur bullshit i will swallow?but ive more then been 'grabbed' in the face with the cold harsh reality. u love me not because u love me, but because you feel that u must. it is ur obligation and unwanting duty. u think a dinner every 6, 7, or 8 months will show me how much u care? it takes u 2 or 3 days to call after a hurricane has ripped us apart? we are nto shit in the bottom of a barrel that u must clean out twice a year. u do not have to do these tedious tasks that u must abhor doing.wen i ask for a favor, i ask with the inkling of a feeling of what i kno to expect from ur pathetic behalf.why should i bother, to make u feel liek u CAN do somethin to help? i duno whether to feel pity for u, or to hate u? its not fair ive displaced so much of my feelings onto that other man whom ive loved since uve left. in a way it makes me happy u got to meet him and to think he was good for me. he seems to be a better man than uve changed into. maybe i do have anger issues to work out, let out, vent out. i just kno bc of u, i do have issues. most that i think ive dealt with, and recently have dealt with pretty fairly.but soem things u have tortured me for way too long, and im miserable bc i kno it will take me too long to fix, if i can ever fix those problems.i now rely on one less person. because of you. i now realize a lot more. because of you. i am now a stronger woman. because of you. i no longer cry and feel saddedned the way i did before. because i kno better. i dont waste my time wondering why u cant love me wheni was smaller, more innocent.now u have others to love. to watch them grow and give them ur wisdom. i just hope u dont expect for when ur age and wisdom and sense to come knockin in, dont expect me to come running for u. ive realized, only run to those who will run to you. treat those who treat u the way u want to be treated. stand up for urself. and all those other cliches. they break not only thru water, but thru the thickest of blood as well. ust because we started close, does not mean we'll end close.