Faith (I can't imagine anyone would want to read -this- garbage...)
It’s an odd thing, faith. I was always afraid, when I was younger, of spirituality. Or, as I called it, psychotic hallucinations. It’s another cyclical phase of which I’m ashamed. It would start of like this (every day): I would be walking down a corridor, and suddenly I’d hear voices, someone would look at me, or I’d just be afraid others could read my mind or sense my emotions - anything to trigger the intense insecurity. Well, after this I’d get really self-conscious and trip over my feet or something. Which, in turn, made people look at me, the shame boring into my skull. I’d be so preoccupied with my shame that I’d walk even funnier, I thought, (I -am- penguin-toed), then feel more ashamed and so on until I was a nervous wreck. I had a lot of problems.
Anyway, this began my immediate detachment from spirituality and my obsessive cling to reality. Still, the shame was still present when I starting thinking nonsense, and I felt humiliated for others who wasted their time. My skewed image of faith and religion was derived from these experiences and those crazy preachers and televangelists in the movies or on TV.
That is, of course, until my stay at Wooster (what’s it been? Almost a year now, I think). The folks at Wooster, who weren’t sheep or fools, for the most part, helped me understand their faiths. They would’ve liked emotional stability and motivation, but they didn’t -crave- Jesus or God like some whore waiting for a godly shlong.
Emotion, I suppose, is what it all boils down to. I used to ascribe to something some dude said from a movie I only saw a part of once when I was flipping through the channels one early Saturday morning: Highlander. Anyway, this dude met this other dude in a dark warehouse, and, as an introduction to his evil master plan, said something like this:
“You should have killed me when you had the chance. Instead, you left me hating you even more. Hate is a beautiful thing. It’s the penultimate motivator. It keeps you alive when nothing else can.”
Something like that. So, I believed in hate, and used it as my only motivator for years. However, now I’m rethinking my dogma.
Last Saturday, I saw X2: X-MEN UNITED. My favorite X-men character (back when it was a comic) was Nightcrawler, and I’ve enjoyed how the movie producers adapted his character. They made him more religious, but still loving and sharp.
There is a small scene that involves Storm and Nightcrawler, where they speak of humans’ hatred for them. Storm reveals her hatred for the humans and their intolerance, then Nightcrawler says, “one so beautiful should not have such hate”
Storm: Hate is a powerful motivator
Nightcrawler: So is faith.
That about sums up my current position. Faith is a powerful motivator, even though those whorish televangelists would frighten you into a -set of religious beliefs- and not a free-flowing string of ideas. Hooray for Me.
Anyway, this began my immediate detachment from spirituality and my obsessive cling to reality. Still, the shame was still present when I starting thinking nonsense, and I felt humiliated for others who wasted their time. My skewed image of faith and religion was derived from these experiences and those crazy preachers and televangelists in the movies or on TV.
That is, of course, until my stay at Wooster (what’s it been? Almost a year now, I think). The folks at Wooster, who weren’t sheep or fools, for the most part, helped me understand their faiths. They would’ve liked emotional stability and motivation, but they didn’t -crave- Jesus or God like some whore waiting for a godly shlong.
Emotion, I suppose, is what it all boils down to. I used to ascribe to something some dude said from a movie I only saw a part of once when I was flipping through the channels one early Saturday morning: Highlander. Anyway, this dude met this other dude in a dark warehouse, and, as an introduction to his evil master plan, said something like this:
“You should have killed me when you had the chance. Instead, you left me hating you even more. Hate is a beautiful thing. It’s the penultimate motivator. It keeps you alive when nothing else can.”
Something like that. So, I believed in hate, and used it as my only motivator for years. However, now I’m rethinking my dogma.
Last Saturday, I saw X2: X-MEN UNITED. My favorite X-men character (back when it was a comic) was Nightcrawler, and I’ve enjoyed how the movie producers adapted his character. They made him more religious, but still loving and sharp.
There is a small scene that involves Storm and Nightcrawler, where they speak of humans’ hatred for them. Storm reveals her hatred for the humans and their intolerance, then Nightcrawler says, “one so beautiful should not have such hate”
Storm: Hate is a powerful motivator
Nightcrawler: So is faith.
That about sums up my current position. Faith is a powerful motivator, even though those whorish televangelists would frighten you into a -set of religious beliefs- and not a free-flowing string of ideas. Hooray for Me.