(no subject)
today, i totally missed the racks of pasta/spaghetti varieties the supermarket offered. i also wondered, if only for a moment, where was all the cheese.
i guess i was too used to seeing a whole aisle dedicated to pasta/spaghetti varieties, too used to seeing that corner display of cheese tesco offered.
today, i cooked spaghetti - i added paprika powder, i added cheese.
but i guess there are some things you just can't recreate.
i still remember how those blue toilet tiles felt under my feet, how the wooden floor creaks. in fact, i still remember how kirsten's creaks were different from ours. i still remember the vintage shop in amsterdam where i bought a skirt. of course not the exact location, just the feeling and memory of the shop itself. i rmb the nicer hostel in ljubljana. i rmb what i wore to lake bled. i still rmb what it feels like to be soaking in the hot pool at therme val. i still rmb the mountains/wallpaper. i can't differentiate the train rides anymore, i can hardly differentiate each day in budapest either. but i still rmb what it was like atop st stephens, atop liberty hill, in the last restaurant. and so much more.
the first half of my final institutionalised learning is done, and set in stone. no more changes. this holidays, it's again time to make decisions. i feel like i need to plan my steps ever so carefully. i don't want to go through the whole process and be disappointed all over again like 3+ years ago and take another 2 or so to overcome it.
why did i choose such a crazy course a crazy route for my life.
sometimes i also wonder if i suffer from bpd.
i guess i was too used to seeing a whole aisle dedicated to pasta/spaghetti varieties, too used to seeing that corner display of cheese tesco offered.
today, i cooked spaghetti - i added paprika powder, i added cheese.
but i guess there are some things you just can't recreate.
i still remember how those blue toilet tiles felt under my feet, how the wooden floor creaks. in fact, i still remember how kirsten's creaks were different from ours. i still remember the vintage shop in amsterdam where i bought a skirt. of course not the exact location, just the feeling and memory of the shop itself. i rmb the nicer hostel in ljubljana. i rmb what i wore to lake bled. i still rmb what it feels like to be soaking in the hot pool at therme val. i still rmb the mountains/wallpaper. i can't differentiate the train rides anymore, i can hardly differentiate each day in budapest either. but i still rmb what it was like atop st stephens, atop liberty hill, in the last restaurant. and so much more.
the first half of my final institutionalised learning is done, and set in stone. no more changes. this holidays, it's again time to make decisions. i feel like i need to plan my steps ever so carefully. i don't want to go through the whole process and be disappointed all over again like 3+ years ago and take another 2 or so to overcome it.
why did i choose such a crazy course a crazy route for my life.
sometimes i also wonder if i suffer from bpd.