Full Circle
It has been far too long to try and impossible go to where back I left off. To say that a lot has happened since my last entry would be an understatement. For the most part I'm still the same girl. Hopeful, lost, happy, confused, caring, vulnerable, needy, independent, dreamy, inspired, fiery, loving, taken and constantly longing for something.
I do feel as though I have come full circle & as settled as I have been in over 2 years. Finally. A feeling I had been searching for for far too long.
I spent the weekend with Aaron and I honestly fell madly in love with him again today. Something in his eyes. Something in his giggle. Something in the way he interacts with his father.
It was Amanda's 21st B-day today and we BBQ'd at his Dad's and Amanda put on old family movies. Seeing him so young and innocent made me adore him that much more. He was sportin' his Dallas gear at 10 and I thought how can I ever give him a hard time about choosing a football game over something petty. I think about the movie Fever Pitch which I compare so much of my life to and the part where Jimmy Fallon asks Drew Barrymore to name something she has continued to love since she was a child and there wasn't anything she could come up with. His love for the game shows a loyalty and passion that I have never known. It's one of the billion reasons why I love him. One of the billion reasons why he drives me crazy.
It was so nice to be with his family. I love them. I miss my family so much. I wonder what it would be like if we all lived in the same city. I've forgotten what it's like to have my sister around the corner and the convenience of grabbing all the things my homes have always missed that my mom & dad are sure to have. A drill, a garlic press, a sleeping bag. :) When I have a family of my own - I will show them the importance of always loving one another - just like my parents did. My dad still isn't doing so well which breaks my heart more and more each time I think about it. When he first got sick I used to fear when my phone would ring. I always assumed it would be bad news. Sometimes I catch myself wondering where I'll be when I get the call. Who does that? Who thinks these things? Will I be alone? Will that flight seem like the longest flight of my life? Will the person next me ask the standard question - "You going home or are you going on vacation?" Will I get to say goodbye? Will that ease my pain? How will I accept my world without him no longer in it?
I do feel as though I have come full circle & as settled as I have been in over 2 years. Finally. A feeling I had been searching for for far too long.
I spent the weekend with Aaron and I honestly fell madly in love with him again today. Something in his eyes. Something in his giggle. Something in the way he interacts with his father.
It was Amanda's 21st B-day today and we BBQ'd at his Dad's and Amanda put on old family movies. Seeing him so young and innocent made me adore him that much more. He was sportin' his Dallas gear at 10 and I thought how can I ever give him a hard time about choosing a football game over something petty. I think about the movie Fever Pitch which I compare so much of my life to and the part where Jimmy Fallon asks Drew Barrymore to name something she has continued to love since she was a child and there wasn't anything she could come up with. His love for the game shows a loyalty and passion that I have never known. It's one of the billion reasons why I love him. One of the billion reasons why he drives me crazy.
It was so nice to be with his family. I love them. I miss my family so much. I wonder what it would be like if we all lived in the same city. I've forgotten what it's like to have my sister around the corner and the convenience of grabbing all the things my homes have always missed that my mom & dad are sure to have. A drill, a garlic press, a sleeping bag. :) When I have a family of my own - I will show them the importance of always loving one another - just like my parents did. My dad still isn't doing so well which breaks my heart more and more each time I think about it. When he first got sick I used to fear when my phone would ring. I always assumed it would be bad news. Sometimes I catch myself wondering where I'll be when I get the call. Who does that? Who thinks these things? Will I be alone? Will that flight seem like the longest flight of my life? Will the person next me ask the standard question - "You going home or are you going on vacation?" Will I get to say goodbye? Will that ease my pain? How will I accept my world without him no longer in it?