do I dare?
BELIEVE....actaully it's written in cursive....do I dare? Do I dare have faith in something good happeneing eventually?... cuz it's getting harder and easier at the same time...I don't know, so maybe someone should let me know. As for now... I'm ok with where I stand...well, maybe not, I wish I stood a little better....like I was gone after somewhat...contacted or something. Something a little more than an "I don't know" or and "I'll see what I can do"... because i used to pull that...that's why it bugs me, cuz I know what's behind it, or at least what was behind it when I did it..... but am I complaining? No, not in any sense....I am actually on the verge of being ecstatic. I'm lucky to be where I am right now... and thankful for what I have to hold onto... awesome, totally. But, can you really blame me for wanting a little more attention that I don't have to ask for? Don't get me wrong... I'm happy to chase if that's what I have to do, but at the same time it's a little bit discouraging. No, I'm not speaking down or anything...I actually have a smile right now... I just, I don't know, I felt like writing... using my journal for the purpose for wich it was created. So yeah, I'm happy with where I am, but not satisfied I guess... and time, that's ok... that's fine with me... but at the same time, I need to be getting my time. You know what I mean? We need to be able to just hang out...not late at night when you're falling asleep on me. Nah man... we need to hang out in the daylight...play....have fun....laugh... just enjoy the company. that's where it's at. It's in the laughter, the fun, the smiling. It's not in the chasing....it's in the enjoying. And that's all I'm trying to do now... just enjoy, and that's what I want you to do too....buuuuttt....once again, gotta have that chance when we're not restricted by only seeing eachother after you get off work or on your breaks or whatever... I don't know...on breaks I guess I just feel kinda ignored, like I'm just kinda there, and like you don't really enjoy it....almost like I'm getting in the way. I'm not saying that's the case, I'm just saying that's how I feel about it sometimes. Just enjoy... I guess that's all I can really do ya know? But I wish maybe you'd do it a little more... because I love it when you do, and so do you. I can see it in your eyes and in your smile.... and it's those times that keep me from getting all sad or whatever. Feeling good is....well, it's good. So just have fun with me kid... let me have fun with you...let me make you smile I guess. Let the wall down just a little bit..... because friends enjoy being around eachother...and if you need me to be a friend now, which I'm more than 100% happy to do....you just gotta let me. Wow, I really hope none of this sounds like I'm upset or anything...I'm just kinda adding my piece as to what can make it better I guess. Thanks for everything kid. Really... and thanks for trying too... it really does mean a lot to me.