[Voice]

[dawndigger]

[Locked FROM Anise - pretty hackable but hopefully not for her |D;;]

Um... does anybody know what can impress a girl? I-I mean... you know... something that'll make a girl happy? Like a present, or...

...I don't know.

[Oh god Simon why are you doing this to yourself.]

[Locked TO Anise, ridiculously hackable, feel free to laugh at his fail]

Comments

[lists_to_port]

What you need, Nerf Lad, is a big, shiny boat.

[dawndigger]

[Nerf Lad? Oh man, is that his nickname now?]

A boat?

[lists_to_port]

Aye. Big, shiny one what the wenches'll flock to. You'll have to beat 'em off, lad, with some type of truncheon.

...

So you'll also need a truncheon.

[dawndigger]

I've never been on a boat before. And what's a truncheon?

[lists_to_port]

That would be an item what's useful for beating off wenches. When they want you for your big, shiny boat.

OR you could simply rescue this girl of yours from Certain Doom. That also works well.

[dawndigger]

I wouldn't want to hurt anybody! [Man this guy is crazy.] And I don't think I could rescue her... she's stronger than me.

[lists_to_port]

Two things you need to remember about love in this life, Nerf Boy.

One: Size does not matter.

Two: When in doubt, have her rescue you. Women love that, rescuin' gents.

[dawndigger]

...Really? Not just being rescued?

[lists_to_port]

Aye. Me? Been rescued multiple times, always a heady tonic for the heroine. Ladies love a man they can take care of, don't they? Try an' change your filthy habits, make you attend boring functions.

...

Why do you want to impress this girl, again?

[dawndigger]

Um... I guess I just want to make her happy.

[lists_to_port]

Riiiiight WELL. Impossible task, isn't it? They're never happy, lad. Women. Can't be satisfied.

[dawndigger]

That can't really be true, can it?

[lists_to_port]

Can be. Is. When all else fails, just keep 'em guessing, alright? Because once they've got yer number--eh. It's over. They run your life, and the only recourse is to jump into your large-ish boat and make for the nearest horizon, savvy?

[dawndigger]

You think it's better to run away?

[lists_to_port]

Only when the magic fades, lad.

Hopefully Simon has someone other than Jack as a relationship sounding-board...]

[dawndigger]

[Thank goodness, he does.]

Th... thank you for your advice. I'll try to remember it.