Fic: When You Hold A Flame (Vol 2: Track 3)
Series: When You Hold A Flame
Title: Map Of The Problematique
Pairing,Character(s): Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,015
Spoilers: Specific through 2x06. Through 2x08, AU after that (Series)
Warnings: Swearing
Previous Chapters: HERE
Summary: Of course Kurt’s boyfriend would be all nice and proper and perfect and everything that Dave wasn’t. But this, this couldn’t happen. Not anywhere, but especially not here.
Fear and panic in the air, I want to be free from desolation and despair
And I feel like everything I sow is being swept away
Well, I refuse to let you go
I can’t get it right, get it right since I met you.
At home that night Dave tried not to let on that anything unusual had happened that day. He went through the whole dinner charade that he always did with his mom and dad, how was school today, good, you had that physics test right, yeah, how’d it go, fine, the same old same old, doing his best to pretend that he hadn’t finally acted on the desires he’d had for over a year now and been completely rejected by the boy who haunted his dreams. Yeah, just a regular day, right? Just another regular fucking day that would end with those same regular fucking dreams as always. Except this time, he would know that Kurt tasted like strawberries.
He thought about faking sick the next morning but he knew his mom would never buy it, he’d tried to pull that too many times before. And besides, if he missed practice the Beast wouldn’t let him play on Friday, and he really needed to fucking hit some guys that looked nothing like Hummel. So he mustered up the courage to walk through the doors of the high school, and he felt his insides curdle and his spine shiver as he spotted Azimio walking up to him, and then Az clapped him on the back and said “Hey bro,” and suddenly the world felt safe again. No one knew. The world had gone on. Everything seemed fine.
It was all good. It was totally all good. He could just pretend it never happened. That would work, right? Kurt was probably terrified of him again now, and he had clearly been humiliated by the whole experience of kissing a sweaty fatass like Dave. He hadn’t told, and if he hadn’t told anyone by now, well, he wouldn’t tell, right? Dave could just keep cool. He had to just keep cool.
And then it happened. It was just before lunch and he was coming down the stairs when he saw them. Fancy, and a kid in a private school blazer who might possibly even out-gay him. His stomach turned, and he knew what was coming. Shit. Just keep walking, keep walking, pretend not to-
“Excuse me.”
It was somehow a question and a statement at the same time. Dave froze, then looked at the boy in the blazer and scowled. “Hey ladyboys.” He looked back to Hummel and let out a nervous laugh that he tried to make sound dismissive. “This your boyfriend, Kurt?” he said, and he hoped he looked like he didn’t care what the answer was. Pretty Boy spoke up again.
“Kurt and I would like to talk to you about something.”
Of course. Pretty Boy was all proper. Of course Kurt’s boyfriend would be all nice and proper and perfect and everything that Dave wasn’t. Of course. But this, this couldn’t happen. Not anywhere, but especially not here. Not in the bell break with everyone around. “I gotta go to class,” he said, and shoved his way between them, making sure to give Kurt an extra push against the rail, a reminder, and trying to ignore what touching him again for the first time since The Incident did to his insides.
“Kurt told me what you did.”
Shit. Determined little fucker’s not gonna let this go. He turned around and raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” He wasn’t going to say it here. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t.
But he didn’t have to. Kurt did. “You kissed me,” he said, his voice heavy with hurt, and Dave’s blood ran cold. Not now, not here. He looked around, and the stairway was mostly, thankfully, empty, but he rolled his eyes and shrugged and said “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Maybe he could convince Fancy he’d imagined it. That it was a dream or some shit. Pretty Boy shook his head.
“It seems like you might be a little confused, and that’s totally normal.” Goddammit, not here! Kurt and Pretty Boy were not going to do this to him, not in front of everyone. He shook his head as subtly as he could, his eyes pleading with Pretty Boy to just stop, stop now, and he turns and walked down the stairs, away from them, away from this conversation that he couldn’t have. But for some reason Pretty Boy kept talking. “This is a very hard thing to come to terms with, and you should just know that you’re not alone.”
What was wrong with him? Of course it was fucking hard, but if he really knew how fucking hard it was then he wouldn’t be saying this shit in a stairway where anyone in the whole fucking school could hear. A wave of fearful rage rushed over him, and the next thing he knew he had Pretty Boy pushed up against the wall. “Do not. Mess. With me,” he said, and he prayed that Pretty Boy would see it in his eyes, that he couldn’t talk about this, not with him or with anyone. He heard Kurt saying…something, and for the second time let the boy push him away. He looked at Kurt and Pretty Boy, and saw the pain in Kurt’s eyes, and he couldn’t stay, couldn’t be there anymore, so he just turned and kept going down the stairs, not looking back, his mind racing.
If Kurt could tell Pretty Boy, he could tell anyone. His secret wasn’t safe…anyone could find out, it could all be over. In a panic, Dave did the only thing he could think of, and went to the only place he had ever felt safe. But it wasn’t safe anymore. Now it was a torture chamber, with memories of yelling and insults and rejection and strawberries. And he couldn’t stay there anymore either.
Instead of going to fourth period Spanish, Dave headed back out to his car, and for the second time in as many days, he cut his afternoon classes. He had to come up with a plan, and he had to do it now. Before it was too late and his entire life was gone.
Title: Map Of The Problematique
Pairing,Character(s): Dave Karofsky/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,015
Spoilers: Specific through 2x06. Through 2x08, AU after that (Series)
Warnings: Swearing
Previous Chapters: HERE
Summary: Of course Kurt’s boyfriend would be all nice and proper and perfect and everything that Dave wasn’t. But this, this couldn’t happen. Not anywhere, but especially not here.
Fear and panic in the air, I want to be free from desolation and despair
And I feel like everything I sow is being swept away
Well, I refuse to let you go
I can’t get it right, get it right since I met you.
At home that night Dave tried not to let on that anything unusual had happened that day. He went through the whole dinner charade that he always did with his mom and dad, how was school today, good, you had that physics test right, yeah, how’d it go, fine, the same old same old, doing his best to pretend that he hadn’t finally acted on the desires he’d had for over a year now and been completely rejected by the boy who haunted his dreams. Yeah, just a regular day, right? Just another regular fucking day that would end with those same regular fucking dreams as always. Except this time, he would know that Kurt tasted like strawberries.
He thought about faking sick the next morning but he knew his mom would never buy it, he’d tried to pull that too many times before. And besides, if he missed practice the Beast wouldn’t let him play on Friday, and he really needed to fucking hit some guys that looked nothing like Hummel. So he mustered up the courage to walk through the doors of the high school, and he felt his insides curdle and his spine shiver as he spotted Azimio walking up to him, and then Az clapped him on the back and said “Hey bro,” and suddenly the world felt safe again. No one knew. The world had gone on. Everything seemed fine.
It was all good. It was totally all good. He could just pretend it never happened. That would work, right? Kurt was probably terrified of him again now, and he had clearly been humiliated by the whole experience of kissing a sweaty fatass like Dave. He hadn’t told, and if he hadn’t told anyone by now, well, he wouldn’t tell, right? Dave could just keep cool. He had to just keep cool.
And then it happened. It was just before lunch and he was coming down the stairs when he saw them. Fancy, and a kid in a private school blazer who might possibly even out-gay him. His stomach turned, and he knew what was coming. Shit. Just keep walking, keep walking, pretend not to-
“Excuse me.”
It was somehow a question and a statement at the same time. Dave froze, then looked at the boy in the blazer and scowled. “Hey ladyboys.” He looked back to Hummel and let out a nervous laugh that he tried to make sound dismissive. “This your boyfriend, Kurt?” he said, and he hoped he looked like he didn’t care what the answer was. Pretty Boy spoke up again.
“Kurt and I would like to talk to you about something.”
Of course. Pretty Boy was all proper. Of course Kurt’s boyfriend would be all nice and proper and perfect and everything that Dave wasn’t. Of course. But this, this couldn’t happen. Not anywhere, but especially not here. Not in the bell break with everyone around. “I gotta go to class,” he said, and shoved his way between them, making sure to give Kurt an extra push against the rail, a reminder, and trying to ignore what touching him again for the first time since The Incident did to his insides.
“Kurt told me what you did.”
Shit. Determined little fucker’s not gonna let this go. He turned around and raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” He wasn’t going to say it here. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t.
But he didn’t have to. Kurt did. “You kissed me,” he said, his voice heavy with hurt, and Dave’s blood ran cold. Not now, not here. He looked around, and the stairway was mostly, thankfully, empty, but he rolled his eyes and shrugged and said “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Maybe he could convince Fancy he’d imagined it. That it was a dream or some shit. Pretty Boy shook his head.
“It seems like you might be a little confused, and that’s totally normal.” Goddammit, not here! Kurt and Pretty Boy were not going to do this to him, not in front of everyone. He shook his head as subtly as he could, his eyes pleading with Pretty Boy to just stop, stop now, and he turns and walked down the stairs, away from them, away from this conversation that he couldn’t have. But for some reason Pretty Boy kept talking. “This is a very hard thing to come to terms with, and you should just know that you’re not alone.”
What was wrong with him? Of course it was fucking hard, but if he really knew how fucking hard it was then he wouldn’t be saying this shit in a stairway where anyone in the whole fucking school could hear. A wave of fearful rage rushed over him, and the next thing he knew he had Pretty Boy pushed up against the wall. “Do not. Mess. With me,” he said, and he prayed that Pretty Boy would see it in his eyes, that he couldn’t talk about this, not with him or with anyone. He heard Kurt saying…something, and for the second time let the boy push him away. He looked at Kurt and Pretty Boy, and saw the pain in Kurt’s eyes, and he couldn’t stay, couldn’t be there anymore, so he just turned and kept going down the stairs, not looking back, his mind racing.
If Kurt could tell Pretty Boy, he could tell anyone. His secret wasn’t safe…anyone could find out, it could all be over. In a panic, Dave did the only thing he could think of, and went to the only place he had ever felt safe. But it wasn’t safe anymore. Now it was a torture chamber, with memories of yelling and insults and rejection and strawberries. And he couldn’t stay there anymore either.
Instead of going to fourth period Spanish, Dave headed back out to his car, and for the second time in as many days, he cut his afternoon classes. He had to come up with a plan, and he had to do it now. Before it was too late and his entire life was gone.