*sigh* I am so tired....

[dawnbluewings]

I am so tired of being the last on everyone's list.

I am so tired of being reassured that this is not the case, only to have it bubble back to the surface a few days later.

I am so tired of feeling used and taken for granted.

I am so tired of all this shit.

I am so tired of being the one who will drop everything to help a friend, but who never gets the same treatment.

I am so tired of feeling like a selfish bitch for wanting to ask for help, because the only people who can help me are to busy with other things.

I am so tired of wanting help, of needing help, of asking for it, and getting nothing.

I am so tired of begging.

I am so tired of false promises.

I am so tired of broken promises.

I am so tired of people thinking that I'm stronger than I am.

I am so tired of feeling like I don't get to ask help simply because I'm not as damaged as someone else.

I am so tired of being afraid to ask for what I know will help.

I am so tired of fearing that if I ask, I will be turned down.

I am so tired of being told that he can't help me because he's busy with someone else.

I am so tired of wishing for something that will never be.

I am so tired of watching him suffer because of her.

I am so tired of his stupid fucking devotion to her.

I am so tired of knowing that I can't ask for help.

I am so tired of pretending to be strong.

I am so tired of feeling like I have no right to ask for help.

I am so tired of feeling that I'm letting my friends down by not being able to cope with shit on my own.

I am so tired of feeling needy.

I am so tired of being made to feel like a bitch for not believing someone's bullshit.

I am so tired of trying to help someone who won't return the favor when it's asked for.

I am so tired of having to ask.

I am so tired of feeling like a bitch for asking.

I am so tired of getting no answer.

I am so tired of worrying that I'm going to put a foot wrong and lose my best friends here.

I am so tired of suspicion.

I am so tired of being ignored.

I am so tired of waking up screaming.

I am so tired of feeling like I have no right to ask for the only cure I know.

I am so tired of feeling like I have to be strong all the time.

I am so tired of all the goddamn conditioning that has lead to half these thoughts.

I am so tired of pretending.

I am so tired of playing Cyrano.

I am so tired of being judged left and right.

I am so tired of people nitpicking.

I am so tired of idiots.

I am so tired of feeling that others are more important than I am.

I am so tired of people trying to micromanage me.

I am so tired of having to do something drastic just to get a little attention.

I am so tired of this guilt about needing help.

I am so tired of being expected to be perfect.

I am so tired of not being believed.

I am so tired.

I'm just...

Tired of it all.