Another great chapter, with lovely suspense and lovely emotions displayed between Findekano and Tyelkormo. And once Carnistir enters the picture, he kind of takes over, doesn't he? At the end, I thought AHA! Is this where Tyelkormo is going to receive the gift of Huan from Oromë?
I'm just going to say that I was kind of waiting for Findekano to come out of his shell. At the point where Tyelkormo yells at him over the fact that Carnistir has no cloak or boots and says that HE will mind that, I really, really wanted Findekano to step up and tell him off. I don't know, I've probably read too much of Claudio's Findekano and expect him to become the strong, assertive warrior, when I know you're going to do that at some point and now is probably too soon already.
Okay, I just loved several parts of this chapter:
Up close, the burn is even more hideous, an angry red that reminds me of uncooked meat. That is a very nice metaphor, there.
despite the cold words that have passed between us, they lie now only in memory What a beautiful turn of phrase! Not only does it ring true for RL, but it is lovely foreshadowing for that which is to come! This was my favourite line in this chapter.
"Quickly". He takes my hand and leads me down the hall, away from the stairs. I think you have several examples of good use of suspense as the boys prepare to leave, and this is just one of them.
I really, really like the description of Macalaurë's room. It just sounds so HIM.
There were a few little nitpicky thigs, most of them occurring within the first few pages, and I don't want to point them out. I know that you are doing a second draft, and you'll probably catch them yourself, or when I get to beta this chapter, then I'll catch them again. LOL!
Anyway, this chapter was really good. I loved the suspense and the interaction among the boys. Can't wait for the next!
Re: AMC - Ch. 20dawn_felagundNovember 4 2005, 18:14:24 UTC
Thank you! I'm glad the suspense comes through okay for you, as this is not one of my strong points and my style tends not to lend itself to suspenseful writing.
Findekano will become strong...in time. He has a way to go, and this day, this incident is really the beginning for him. (He won't become as obnoxious, though, as Claudio's Fin in "Never Speak Nor Sing." In Felak!verse, Findekano is really a very gracious, chivalrous lad, even if courageous and all sorts of other nice things.)
Like hott. :-P
I'll probably start sending you chapters to beta once NaNo's over. Is this okay? I need to apply the edits from draft one and don't know if I have the time right now. (Although, if the word count stays high, I may, by the end of the month. Who knows....)
Re: AMC - Ch. 20digdigilNovember 4 2005, 18:21:18 UTC
Oh, Fingon's hott alright! Actually, that Beleg icon that I have somewhere made me think of Fingon, not Beleg. I think it was the eyes. *shrugs* Yes, please send me AMC anytime you want me to start betaing. I like to read at night and write in the morning, so instead of reading all kinds of slashfics and getting myself all worked up when I shouldn't be, I wouldn't mind reading AMC now, to tell you the truth. So send away! If you're not ready now, then leave it until after NaNo. I've decided to wait and send you my own fic to be beta'd afterwards, simply because I cannot do rewrites to that, write my NaNo fic and have all these slashy Elves running around in my head at the same time!
Re: AMC - Ch. 20kaikiasNovember 4 2005, 20:10:43 UTC
He won't become as obnoxious, though, as Claudio's Fin in "Never Speak Nor Sing."
Is that...*googles* yes, it is the fic I'm thinking of. I never much liked it; I generally prefer my Tolkienverse to have the timeless, unreal, whitewashed quality its creator gave it, without the incongruous real-world elements (religious strife, strict caste systems including slavery and sexual exploitation among elves) that that author imported. (And the fact that Eressondo isn't a valid Quenya name, at least not for the meaning he wanted it to have, just tore at me the entire time I was reading the series.)
And then there's how Finrod and Glorfindel were just that far *indicates maybe half a centimeter with her fingers* from Gary Stuhood.
*shrug* But then I've got high and impossible standards.
Re: AMC - Ch. 20digdigilNovember 4 2005, 21:00:37 UTC
Seeing as how this has turned into a discussion over Claudio's work, I thought I ought to add my two cents as well. Those who have read it must admit that it is excellently written and very, very realistic. I guess that's the part that hit me in the face, too. His Findekano is not obnoxious. He just has a lot of issues and he is more hurt than even he would admit to himself.(O, hey, wouldn't you be bloody miserable and bitter if you lost Maitimo?) I did want to kill him for the way he manipulates things with Glorfindel and Finrod, but that does not make the story less worthy of admiration. In fact, it is all the greater for the way it moves the reader. Too bad he has not updated on the sequel, not that I know of, anyway.
Back to the sweet Findekano of AMC... don't worry, he will grow a spine if he spends more time with the Feanorians.
Umm... do I have to run off and get me some chain-mail for that last line?
Re: AMC - Ch. 20kaikiasNovember 5 2005, 05:42:41 UTC
Well, we've no evidence that -yondo in its full form was used in names at all; -ion, which doesn't have a consonant to mutate, is perhaps to be preferred (it's listed as a patronymic suffix in Etym, but at least that's something). Also, even assuming that cobbling a name out of "eresse" + "yondo" is just fine and dandy, I wonder if the compounding shouldn't have worked differently, the e being retained or or the -ssy- shifting to -hy- as per the fate of roots like SYAD and SYAL.
Re: AMC - Ch. 20kaikiasNovember 5 2005, 05:52:22 UTC
*laughs* The process isn't as scary as it looks. A look at the Etymologies, a look through Ardalambion, and a good hard think will generally do it (or get you close enough that only the truly nerdy will sense anything wrong).
Re: AMC - Ch. 20tehtaNovember 5 2005, 06:45:40 UTC
Yes, but as you and Claudio demonstrate, even people who study these sources obsessively can interpret them in different ways. So it's not the process I fear, it's my readers' reactions: I don't want to put people off with just a name.
Re: AMC - Ch. 20dawn_felagundNovember 5 2005, 19:57:38 UTC
Claudio's take on certain of the Elven cultural elements--such as the strict caste system--in that story is also very different from mine. I tend to think that an immortal being wouldn't be content in servitude or likely to put another immortal being into servitude, but that's just my view on things. What fascinates me about that story is the characterization: Findekano's character--while wholly obnoxious, imho--is nonetheless sympathetic. Since, of all aspects of writing, I admire well done characterization the most, then I find this story completely fascinating.
It's different strokes for different folks, I guess. :)
Re: AMC - Ch. 20kaikiasNovember 5 2005, 20:07:22 UTC
Very much so. I'm here for the universe, you see, even more than for the characters (though I love them too), so...yeah. Interesting to see all the different directions people can take a fandom in.
I'm just going to say that I was kind of waiting for Findekano to come out of his shell. At the point where Tyelkormo yells at him over the fact that Carnistir has no cloak or boots and says that HE will mind that, I really, really wanted Findekano to step up and tell him off. I don't know, I've probably read too much of Claudio's Findekano and expect him to become the strong, assertive warrior, when I know you're going to do that at some point and now is probably too soon already.
Okay, I just loved several parts of this chapter:
Up close, the burn is even more hideous, an angry red that reminds me of uncooked meat. That is a very nice metaphor, there.
despite the cold words that have passed between us, they lie now only in memory What a beautiful turn of phrase! Not only does it ring true for RL, but it is lovely foreshadowing for that which is to come! This was my favourite line in this chapter.
"Quickly". He takes my hand and leads me down the hall, away from the stairs. I think you have several examples of good use of suspense as the boys prepare to leave, and this is just one of them.
I really, really like the description of Macalaurë's room. It just sounds so HIM.
There were a few little nitpicky thigs, most of them occurring within the first few pages, and I don't want to point them out. I know that you are doing a second draft, and you'll probably catch them yourself, or when I get to beta this chapter, then I'll catch them again. LOL!
Anyway, this chapter was really good. I loved the suspense and the interaction among the boys. Can't wait for the next!
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Findekano will become strong...in time. He has a way to go, and this day, this incident is really the beginning for him. (He won't become as obnoxious, though, as Claudio's Fin in "Never Speak Nor Sing." In Felak!verse, Findekano is really a very gracious, chivalrous lad, even if courageous and all sorts of other nice things.)
Like hott. :-P
I'll probably start sending you chapters to beta once NaNo's over. Is this okay? I need to apply the edits from draft one and don't know if I have the time right now. (Although, if the word count stays high, I may, by the end of the month. Who knows....)
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Is that...*googles* yes, it is the fic I'm thinking of. I never much liked it; I generally prefer my Tolkienverse to have the timeless, unreal, whitewashed quality its creator gave it, without the incongruous real-world elements (religious strife, strict caste systems including slavery and sexual exploitation among elves) that that author imported. (And the fact that Eressondo isn't a valid Quenya name, at least not for the meaning he wanted it to have, just tore at me the entire time I was reading the series.)
And then there's how Finrod and Glorfindel were just that far *indicates maybe half a centimeter with her fingers* from Gary Stuhood.
*shrug* But then I've got high and impossible standards.
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His Findekano is not obnoxious. He just has a lot of issues and he is more hurt than even he would admit to himself.(O, hey, wouldn't you be bloody miserable and bitter if you lost Maitimo?) I did want to kill him for the way he manipulates things with Glorfindel and Finrod, but that does not make the story less worthy of admiration. In fact, it is all the greater for the way it moves the reader. Too bad he has not updated on the sequel, not that I know of, anyway.
Back to the sweet Findekano of AMC... don't worry, he will grow a spine if he spends more time with the Feanorians.
Umm... do I have to run off and get me some chain-mail for that last line?
Alina.
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It's different strokes for different folks, I guess. :)
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