100 Things Challenge (#3): Confidence and the Wimpy Writer

[dawn_felagund]

Today, I received good news about a paper I'd written for my recent grad school class, but for the first time in a long while, I'd been very nervous about something I'd written. It's that comfortable old dread, that sudden realization of the possibility that one has labored hard and still produced a dud. As I clicked through the university's

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[spiced_wine]

but it does often seem, in my experience anyway, that the overly confident writers don't have the skill that the wimps do. I've had this conversation with other writers, who recognize the self-destructiveness of their terror of criticism or putting their stories "out there," whether for comment or publication

I agree with this. I've noticed it really since joining LJ to talk to fanfic authors, but lately I have had it highlighted to me by spending some time on Twitter. (Some-one I know is writing an original fic. They write wonderful fanfic, and I love their o-fic, so I thought: Let's see what else is out there now, what people are writing.

Often authors will offer free excerpts to read, or some sites ask for them to showcase. The majority I wouldn't read as fanfic, Dawn. But - here's the but - because of e-publishing and Indie publishing there are e-books coming out of the walls. Most of the authors will not do very well from their books; they're never going to be Rowling or John Connolly or have the success of Meyer, so they Tweet Tweet Tweet, advertise all the time, every twenty minutes or less. It's overwhelming, and a different world. Whether or not they're good or have confidence issues, they've had to overcome them to promote their stories. They quote lines from positive reviews, and so on. But I think they are confident You get the odd one raging about a poor review,(and dismiss it as not being fair or true. If they are devastated it does not show). but mainly they love their books. Whether they've self published or are with a publisher, they exude love and confidence for their writing in a way I've never seen in fanfic (Well, there are a couple of people who are complacent about their work, and thus pretty unbearable, and their work does not hold up).

It's as if, having been validated by producing a book, mostly e-books, but some printed, even if they're self-pub, they are authors and they are going to act like authors.

In fanfic, where I've come across some superb writers, we are hard on ourselves, nervous, lack confidence, wring our hands and fall into holes of depression, convinced we can't write shopping lists. I wonder why, unless in some way we feel guilty for writing fanfic? because the authors who do that are producing rich, beautiful stories that I would be snapping up if they were published.

[dawn_felagund]

I don't think that guilt, per se, explains the fanfic writer's attitude, but I do think that there is a connection between the two. I wonder if it's something to do with motive: We in the fanfic writing community write knowing full and well that our work will never be published. In terms of extrinsic rewards, the most we receive are positive comments, recs, or maybe an award nomination. Intrinsically, many of us also receive satisfaction from the deeper sense of community and conversation that our fanfic creates; I know many of us, for example, will write based on inspiration from another author's ideas or even to counter a perspective being put forward by another author. "Fame" in fandom can come about because a person is a good writer; it can also come about because the person is an astute analyst of the texts, generous with her time as a reviewer or beta, or a leader of fannish events or projects. In any case, it's much more oriented on collectivism and community.

But published fiction is much more extrinsically motivated, and I think this attracts a different kind of writer: the sort who wants the proverbial fame and fortune. I think this produces a different kind of writing, too. Having participated, to an extent, in both the Tolkien fandom and the speculative o-fic communities, the conversations of the latter are much different, much more focused on what sells or what editors want. To the contrary, when we fannish writers approach a story, I think we consider more if what we are writing communicates to our readers what we want it to, whether an insight on a character or commentary on something in the "canon."

I tried writing for markets exactly once in my life, while I was a writing minor, incidentally, after having been slapped down for writing something speculative. I became, briefly, a literary writer. The lack of satisfaction and disappointment that resulted caused me to stop writing for almost two years. What started me back? Fanfic. :)

[spiced_wine]

To the contrary, when we fannish writers approach a story, I think we consider more if what we are writing communicates to our readers what we want it to, whether an insight on a character or commentary on something in the "canon."

Yes. I find it really strange, as I thought writers were writers were writers, but the writers within fanfic have a far different attitude, and a vast amount of what comes across as deep love for the characters they write of. Not that you can't love characters you write in o-fic, but usually in fanfic the love is for some-one else's creation that we just want to explore, for nothing, not for fame or money, but out of sheer love.

As for wimpiness. I view writing as looking up a flight of stairs. I see writers many steps above and know in my heart I can't get that far just because I've not go the intelligence or their gifts; I feel it's not ever possible to climb those stairs, but I am glad they're there because it shows me what can be done. Of course I feel that way when reading good original fiction, but the authors are distant, fanfic authors are closer, so it's like being on the same set of stairs, which is humbling but also acts as a kind of spur to me.

[dawn_felagund]

I love that analogy. You're totally right that seeing what other authors make possible can act as an inspiration and motivation to stretch one's creative wings a bit! :)